The Pressure To Be

There is such an enormous self inflicted pressure in the world today to 'be' or better put, to be thought of as 'being part.' The weight to ‘be seen as belonging’ weighs heavily on the shoulders of many young people.

The hit song by Rudeboy of the defunct Psquare band puts it best. He titled it 'Audio money.' That is, superficial money. The money people only possess on social media. There are too many cases of people whose daily reality is at variance with their online appearance. Who cares for food when the recent iPhone has not been bought. What does helping your loved ones matter when there are latest designers to be bought. Behind their screens, people live hard lives but they will rather stay with the silent angst than allow you see through their filters.

I had an experience about two years ago where a female Nigerian celebrity (You will know her but the intent of this post is not to call out anyone) was onboard same international flight with me. She came with a carry-on bag into the business class area. What I saw for the duration of the flight shocked me. She used the rest room for more than 4 times; at every point changing into different attires and into her different shades of wigs. Each time she changed, she hands over her phone to the air hostess and ask her to take her pictures from diverse angles, holding different variance of wine content each time. The attention to detail was flawless. Poor air hostess. She had to pretend she was enjoying the experience, but her poker face suggested that she had seen this scene several times before. I was gobsmacked. This celebrity lady will go on to post these pictures at different times in the weeks and months ahead. Possibly with several captions that portrayed her gallivanting the world, and ‘living the life.’ And I could wager that someone will be laying at the edge of his or her bed watching this celebrity Instagram story and cursing the life he or she has in comparison to this celebrity. The facade of it all. The sheer facade of it all! There was really something deeply sad watching that. The fact that this celebrity had it all planned out. The fact that she felt the need to hatch out this facade. The fact that her need to ‘pepper them’ outmuscled her sense of reason. The fact that she didn’t see the degradation of her self in that act. The fact she that she felt she wasn’t enough ‘as is.’ It was a sordid experience.

It is fine to have a well put together image on social media, but may the life of 'opulence' we portray not be a facade in real life. They say fake it till you make it, but how exhausting must that life be. May we have the wisdom to spend that cash in making our reality better than spending it for the gram. Ultimately, may we realize that those we desperately want to 'impress' in the end, bloody do not matter!

3 Ways to Break Through When You’re Burning Out and Ready for a Change

 1. Let visual reminders keep you focused and on track.

You can post meaningful quotes on your bedroom wall, or find a coffee a mug that has a motivational message on it (mine says “Every Day is an Opportunity”). But you can also take it a step further than that too…

Few good things come easy, and when the going gets tough we often take the easy way out even though the easy way takes us the wrong way.

To combat this, I create tangible reminders that pull me back from the brink of my weak impulses. For example, I have my laptop’s desktop background set to a photo of my family, both because I love looking at them and because, when work gets really rough, these photos remind me of the people I am ultimately working for.

And I’m not the only one who’s successfully using this strategy…

A friend of mine who has paid off almost $100K of debt in the past five years has a copy of his credit card balance taped to his computer monitor; it serves as a constant reminder of the debt he still wants to pay off. Another friend keeps a photo of herself when she was 90 pounds heavier on her refrigerator as a reminder of the person she never wants to be again.

Think of moments when you are most likely to give in to impulses that ultimately burn you out and take you farther away from what matters most to you. Then use visual reminders to interrupt the impulses and rebuild the momentum and inner passion that keeps you on the right track.

Your ultimate goal is living a life uncluttered by most of the impulsive distractions people fill their lives with, leaving you with space for what truly matters. A life that isn’t constant busyness, rushing and resistance, but instead mindful contemplation, creation and connection with people and endeavors that truly matter.

2. Stop waiting for that elusive spark of passion.

Even with a healthy set of visual reminders and good focus, the grind will sometimes burn you out…

Your body may eventually grow weary, you may lie awake some nights listening to your past regrets, you may miss your only love, you may see the world around you overcome by negativity, or know your respect has been trampled on by unfriendly faces. Life happens! And there’s no doubt that it gets hard at times.

That said, there is one action for daily healing and “breaking through” that works every time: BEING passionate with the small task in front of you. That’s the only positive effort that a battered mind can never exhaust, never alienate, never be tortured by, never fear or doubt, and never dream of regretting.

And you don’t have to wait either. You don’t have to search around or “find passion” somewhere outside yourself. You can simply bring passion into the very next thing you do today. You can put your whole heart and soul into it! Again though, that’s easier said than done. Consider these questions I presented in a blog post a few months back:

When was the last time you sat down, or picked up the phone, and had a conversation with someone you love, with zero distractions and 100% focus?

When was the last time you exercised, and literally put every bit of effort you could muster into it?

When was the last time you truly tried—I mean TRULY tried—to do your very best?

Be honest with yourself right now. If you’re still waiting to “find” something to be passionate about, what you need to do is the exact opposite!

Put your heart and soul into the small task at hand!

I’m certain you have plenty in your life right now that’s worth living for. You have people and lots of small circumstances you’re taking for granted. You have an endless reservoir of untapped potential within you, just waiting.

Stop waiting!

There is no next opportunity, only the one you have at this moment.

Put your heart and soul (and gratitude) into what you’ve got right in front of you!

3. Give things you can’t control a little more space.

“If you want to control your animals, give them a larger pasture.” That’s a quote Angel and I heard at a meditation retreat recently in a group discussion focused on the power of changing your attitude about the things you can’t change or don’t need to change.

I see “the animals” and their “larger pasture” as a form of letting go and allowing things to be the way they are—instead of trying to tightly control something, you’re loosening up, giving it more space, a larger pasture. The animals will be happier—they will roam around and do what they naturally do. And yet your needs will be met too—you will have more space to be at peace with the way the animals are.

This same philosophy holds true for many aspects of life—stepping back and allowing certain things to happen means these things will take care of themselves, and your needs will also be met. You will have less stress (and less to do), and more time and energy to work on the things that truly matter—the things you actually can control—like your priorities, your self-care, and your attitude about everything.

Ultimately, as you move forward, you want to keep in mind that one of the greatest secrets to peace and happiness is letting most situations be what they are instead of what you think they should be, and then making the best of them.

(MARCANDANGEL).