Simon Sinek
once said that the litmus test to see if you really care is this – when you ask
someone ‘How are you,’ do you genuinely wait and listen for the answer. As
simple as that sounds, it is profound. People can see through the façade, and
for the most part, you can often tell when someone genuinely cares.
Recently,
the circus that is Social Media trend was agog with revelations by American
actress turned Duchess of Sussex (by marrying Prince Harry), Meghan Markle,
that she was suicidal. While there are a lot to unpack in that interview with
Oprah, what cannot be disputed is the reality that ‘looks are deceptive,’ and
in the words of Meghan herself ‘You have no idea what is going on for someone
behind closed doors. Even the people that smile the biggest smiles and shine
the brightest light (it seems) you have to have compassion.’
The
conversation of mental health in Nigeria has slowly but surely begin to attain
relevancy in public discourse. Where weakness was hitherto associated with
vulnerability, the narrative is starting to turn on its head. This is partly so
because of cases of more and more Nigerians committing suicide, amplified by
social media. The attainment to some form of prominence for the subject of
mental health can also be attributed to the fact that many battling the scourge
are also exhausted, and are beginning to seek for help now; help that is
becoming more available than in the past.
With the
risk of sounding like a broken record, the place of mental health today cannot
be over-emphasized. There are layers of issues many are contending with, and
there are no pass marks for ‘performance’ amidst a dissonance with your
reality. There is no shame in asking for help. Find a core group of persons you
can share with. Be open with this core, be vulnerable. Speak about these things
and unravel the layers. Stay away from those who force you to ‘perform’ when
you are with them and open the blinds of your life a bit more. Depression is a
fat big bully, and like every bully, when you confront it, you will see that
there wasn’t much substance to it in the first place.
When mental
health acolytes advocate for empathy, it should not be mistaken for sympathy.
While one is a call to connect to our humanity, the other can border on the
superfluous even though it has its own place. Empathy is so sacrosanct in a
world that is becoming rifer with ‘getting back at people,’ quick to sell the
‘cancel culture’ and eager to hurl the ‘savage response’ stones. There is no
grace or 'wokeness' in these. Particularly on social media, be circumspect in
your exchanges, responses and overall candor. It is possible and fine to hold
an opinion that is different from the next person. Afterall, no one is an
arbiter of the truism of trends, news and opinions. Be easy in your exchanges;
there are no prizes for holding an opinion.
In the final
analysis, we are all contending with something, fighting our personal demons
and battling with things that scourge our hearts. We all fight differently.
Some are famed logophile with their struggles, others are sheer taciturn. There
are no right or wrong with these things. Finally, look after yourself. Be great
at your job or whatever you do but ensure you can see the wood for the tree in
the grand scheme of your life.
