20 Things I Learnt in 2020

1. Life's finest moments happen when we least expected

Many of the great experiences I experienced in 2020, I truly didn't see coming by January 1st, but I have always been a stickler for embracing uncertainties. It paid off.

2. One day at a time

What a year! What a bloody year! Perhaps, the biggest lesson for many of us is this one. Trust the chaos and take life one day at a time. This thing called life is far too fleeting to do otherwise.

3. Leave space for the possibility that you might be wrong

For the very reason that you don't have all the answers, leave room for this possibility. You might think you know, but you just might never know.

4. Hold on to that small light in the tunnel

We often wait for that light at the end of the tunnel that we fail to see the flicker, the ray, the breaking light. While you wait, hold on to that small light in the tunnel.

5. Always connect to your core

The story of 2020 pretty much writes itself. Amidst everything I learnt, the pricelessness of connecting to my core was sacrosanct. It could be anything but connecting to your core helps keep your sanity.

6. Never forget your why

One day you are the cock of the walk, the next you are a feather duster. But through it all, remember why you started; why you burnt your bridges and choose this path, why you packed up and travelled this way. Never forget this.

7. At the base of it, everyone is looking after themselves 

When all is said and done, everyone is primarily looking after themselves. This does not make people bad; it is just the way the world is wired. Wisdom is to always look after yourself too. This point cannot be over-emphasized.

8. Practice gratitude journaling 

More than ever before, I was deliberate this year about being grateful, showing gratitude and noting every act of kindness. Consciously keeping a journal of gratitude provides a remarkable perspective in your life. I will recommend you start today.

9. Family is what you say it is

They say blood is thicker than water. While that is largely true, family is ultimately those who have proven over time that they will be in your corner and always have your back. If you don’t get this from your blood ties, ‘make’ your own family.

10. Without God, nothing will ever be enough

It might not be fashionable to wear your spirituality on these days, but that only reinforces the importance. In the final analysis, your relationship with God is the most salient thing. Never lose sight of this.

11. It is fine to cry

Undoubtedly, in 2020, some days were more difficult than others. More than ever before, it is fine to cry when you must. Provide ventilation for your emotions but never wallow in that place. We all need to be vulnerable every now and then. Acknowledge what you feel, feel it…and find a reason to keep going.

12. Find your own support systems 

2020 was that kind of year that required us to be resilient. However, this is that kind of journey that required you to have allies and people who we can always lean on. You need people; never delude yourself that you can go through life on your own.

13. Own your story

It is possible to be singing a different song when others are moaning about the same situation. Empathize with others but don't be apologetic about your story. 

14. Stand for something

It was that kind of year. You either believed in COVID 19 or you did not. You either believed in the vacancies or you did not. You either supported the #EndSARS movement or you did not. Sometimes, seating on the wall is cowardice. You have to stick your head out and be ready to shift ground in the face of superior argument.

15. Be kind 

To quote a few lines from Tim McGraw’s classic song ‘Humble and Kind’ – “Don't take for granted the love this life gives you. When you get where you're going don't forget turn back around. Help the next one in line. Always stay humble and kind.”

16. You are enough 

In this business of life, you need a lot of self-love. Life will always want to remind you of your inadequacies. But, you are enough. I swear you are enough. Always seek to be better, but always be a tad cook-a-hoop about yourself.

17. Be shameless 

In a world of excessive self-preservation, this is important. Once you can kill shame, you unlock a new level of latent boldness and power in you. Act with integrity but don’t be too bothered of ‘shame.’

18. Financial prudence will always win

If there was one year that chiefly buttressed this point, it is 2020. Being savvy to invest, practicing the right savings modalities and being risk sensitive are all important. However, being financially prudence remains pivotal.

19. Almost everything is impermanence 

Literally everything. The wisdom is to never be excessively attached to anything that is fleeting. Enjoy the moment. Love God. Be good and live a full life in all instances.

20. It was still a great year!

While hindsight is 20/20, perspective is always everything! The narrative of how difficult the year has been is already well chronicled. However, when we do our individual introspections, remember that you have survived it all. That is quite something!

 

Awakening of the 'Lazy Youths'

In their books, this was not suppose to happen. After all, these are a set of lazy youths with specialities in watching the Big Brother shows, Netflixing and keeping up with Premier League matches. The worst we could do is rant on social media and forge hashtags that withers away as soon as they are created. 

But alas, there comes a time in the life of a nation when it stands at the crossroads of history and must choose which way to go. And as Nelson Mandela once said, ‘The time comes in the life of any nation when there remains only two choices - submit or fight.' 

To be clear, the call to end police brutality is a call canvassing for human life. Life being at the base of the fundamental human rights, to which no one should be denied. On a personal level, I will always cringe at the sight of police officers from a distance while driving. Tales of friends and family members who have been at the receiving end of police abuse and brutality flood my mind. The disturbing reality that a young man of my age is first dubbed a criminal at first sight, and it is my burden to proof otherwise, that is if I ever get that chance. This starking reality is troubling and honestly, haunts the mind.  

As the #EndSars protests organically grows, and snowballs into a movement, we can all agree that we are on the verge of something. We the young people have woken up from our long and quite frankly, relentless slumber. The rascality and abuse of men of the Special Anti Robbery Squad might have been the trigger but it is foolhardy to suggest that the demands of millions of youths across the nation is confined to just that subject. It has been said, and not without reason, that part of the outcry we see at these protests are results of a long bottled up angst and frustration of many young people with the state of the polity, and particularly with the ruling class. It was about time. The ruling class in Nigeria have never rated the young people, never mind we consist of about 70% of the entire population. The protests lends credence to the truism that without people, there is no power, and nothing is more potent than an idea whose time has come. Moreso, a people who have discovered how much power they wield. The stories of youth audacity, fearlessness, organization and empathy for one another over the last few weeks of protests have been remarkable. Simply remarkable.

As the protests rages on, the big question is what next? No one can fully answer this for sure at this point. However, what is beyond any reasonable doubt is that we the people will only leave the streets (for now) when we can see cogent, fast tracked and sincere actions on the subject of police brutality. The possibility remains that the protests might snowball into other demands for change (and this is not a bad thing in itself). The bigger picture though has to be the capture of political power at all levels by young people. The general elections comes around barely two years from now, and it is not too early to begin the process of floating that youth centric party with true patriots with functioning brain and above board character. Beyond the clamour to end policy brutality, this should be the lasting legacy of the protests. Alas, we might well be rewriting the Nigerian dream but we must realize that the journey is still dauntingly far, and only an unfettered focus, corresponding actions, unity of purpose and a selfless character will help us gain traction. Let no one also be under any form of illusion. The current ruling class will not relinquish power without a fight. 

This is a great time to be alive as a young person in Nigeria. In a nation where finding positives is like clutching on slipping straws, these are truly interesting and exciting times. 

10 Quotes for Letting Go of “How Life Should Be”

1. We often take for granted the very things that most deserve our attention and gratitude. How often do you pause to appreciate your life just the way it is? Look around right now, and be thankful… for your health, your family, your comforts, your home. Nothing lasts forever.

2. Some of the most powerful moments in life happen when you find the courage to let go of what can’t be changed. Because when you are no longer able to change a situation, you are challenged to change yourself — to grow beyond the unchangeable. And that changes everything.

3. Letting go isn’t forgetting, it’s remembering without fear. It’s stepping forward with a present mind and a lesson learned. So just remind yourself right now: you are not your bad days, you are not your mistakes, you are not your scars, and you are not your past. Be here now. Be free.

4. Forgive yourself for the bad decisions you’ve made, for the times you lacked understanding, for the choices that hurt others and yourself. Forgive yourself, for being young and reckless. These are all vital lessons. And what matters most right now is your willingness to grow from them.

5. Be selective with your energy today. If you can fix a problem, fix it. If you can’t, then accept it and change your thoughts about it. Whatever you do, don’t attempt to invest more energy than you have, tripping over something behind you or something that only exists inside your head.

6. Life is change. You must accept the fact that things may never go back to how they used to be, and that this ending is really a new beginning.

7. Even though you cannot control everything that happens, you can control your attitude about what happens. And in doing so, you will gradually master change rather than allowing it to gradually master you. (Marc and I discuss this further in the “Adversity” chapter of 1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently.)

8. Every difficult life situation can be an excuse for hopelessness or an opportunity for growth, depending on what you choose to do with it.

9. In the midst of particularly hard days when I feel that I can’t endure, I remind myself that my track record for getting through hard days is 100% so far. (The same is true for you, too.)

10. Too often we waste our time waiting for a path to appear, but it never does. Because we forget that paths are made by walking, not waiting. And we forget that there’s absolutely nothing about our present circumstances that prevents us from making progress again, one tiny step at a time.

(MARCANDANGEL).

3 Ways to Break Through When You’re Burning Out and Ready for a Change

 

1. Let visual reminders keep you focused and on track.

You can post meaningful quotes on your bedroom wall, or find a coffee a mug that has a motivational message on it (mine says “Every Day is an Opportunity”). But you can also take it a step further than that too.

Few good things come easy, and when the going gets tough we often take the easy way out even though the easy way takes us the wrong way.

To combat this, I create tangible reminders that pull me back from the brink of my weak impulses. For example, I have my laptop’s desktop background set to a photo of my family, both because I love looking at them and because, when work gets really rough, these photos remind me of the people I am ultimately working for. And I’m not the only one who’s successfully using this strategy.

A friend of mine who has paid off almost $100K of debt in the past five years has a copy of his credit card balance taped to his computer monitor; it serves as a constant reminder of the debt he still wants to pay off. Another friend keeps a photo of herself when she was 90 pounds heavier on her refrigerator as a reminder of the person she never wants to be again.

Think of moments when you are most likely to give in to impulses that ultimately burn you out and take you farther away from what matters most to you. Then use visual reminders to interrupt the impulses and rebuild the momentum and inner passion that keeps you on the right track.

Your ultimate goal is living a life uncluttered by most of the impulsive distractions people fill their lives with, leaving you with space for what truly matters. A life that isn’t constant busyness, rushing and resistance, but instead mindful contemplation, creation and connection with people and endeavors that truly matter.

2. Stop waiting for that elusive spark of passion.

Even with a healthy set of visual reminders and good focus, the grind will sometimes burn you out. Your body may eventually grow weary, you may lie awake some nights listening to your past regrets, you may miss your only love, you may see the world around you overcome by negativity, or know your respect has been trampled on by unfriendly faces. Life happens! And there’s no doubt that it gets hard at times.

That said, there is one action for daily healing and “breaking through” that works every time: BEING passionate with the small task in front of you. That’s the only positive effort that a battered mind can never exhaust, never alienate, never be tortured by, never fear or doubt, and never dream of regretting.

And you don’t have to wait either. You don’t have to search around or “find passion” somewhere outside yourself. You can simply bring passion into the very next thing you do today. You can put your whole heart and soul into it! Again though, that’s easier said than done. Consider these questions I presented in a blog post a few months back:

When was the last time you sat down, or picked up the phone, and had a conversation with someone you love, with zero distractions and 100% focus?

When was the last time you exercised, and literally put every bit of effort you could muster into it. When was the last time you truly tried—I mean TRULY tried—to do your very best?

Be honest with yourself right now. If you’re still waiting to “find” something to be passionate about, what you need to do is the exact opposite!

Put your heart and soul into the small task at hand!

I’m certain you have plenty in your life right now that’s worth living for. You have people and lots of small circumstances you’re taking for granted. You have an endless reservoir of untapped potential within you, just waiting.

Stop waiting!

There is no next opportunity, only the one you have at this moment.

Put your heart and soul (and gratitude) into what you’ve got right in front of you!

3. Give things you can’t control a little more space.

“If you want to control your animals, give them a larger pasture.” That’s a quote Angel and I heard at a meditation retreat recently in a group discussion focused on the power of changing your attitude about the things you can’t change or don’t need to change.

I see “the animals” and their “larger pasture” as a form of letting go and allowing things to be the way they are—instead of trying to tightly control something, you’re loosening up, giving it more space, a larger pasture. The animals will be happier—they will roam around and do what they naturally do. And yet your needs will be met too—you will have more space to be at peace with the way the animals are.

This same philosophy holds true for many aspects of life—stepping back and allowing certain things to happen means these things will take care of themselves, and your needs will also be met. You will have less stress (and less to do), and more time and energy to work on the things that truly matter—the things you actually can control—like your priorities, your self-care, and your attitude about everything.

Ultimately, as you move forward, you want to keep in mind that one of the greatest secrets to peace and happiness is letting most situations be what they are instead of what you think they should be, and then making the best of them.

(MARCANDANGEL).

The Pressure To Be

There is such an enormous self inflicted pressure in the world today to 'be' or better put, to be thought of as 'being part.' The weight to ‘be seen as belonging’ weighs heavily on the shoulders of many young people.

The hit song by Rudeboy of the defunct Psquare band puts it best. He titled it 'Audio money.' That is, superficial money. The money people only possess on social media. There are too many cases of people whose daily reality is at variance with their online appearance. Who cares for food when the recent iPhone has not been bought. What does helping your loved ones matter when there are latest designers to be bought. Behind their screens, people live hard lives but they will rather stay with the silent angst than allow you see through their filters.

I had an experience about two years ago where a female Nigerian celebrity (You will know her but the intent of this post is not to call out anyone) was onboard same international flight with me. She came with a carry-on bag into the business class area. What I saw for the duration of the flight shocked me. She used the rest room for more than 4 times; at every point changing into different attires and into her different shades of wigs. Each time she changed, she hands over her phone to the air hostess and ask her to take her pictures from diverse angles, holding different variance of wine content each time. The attention to detail was flawless. Poor air hostess. She had to pretend she was enjoying the experience, but her poker face suggested that she had seen this scene several times before. I was gobsmacked. This celebrity lady will go on to post these pictures at different times in the weeks and months ahead. Possibly with several captions that portrayed her gallivanting the world, and ‘living the life.’ And I could wager that someone will be laying at the edge of his or her bed watching this celebrity Instagram story and cursing the life he or she has in comparison to this celebrity. The facade of it all. The sheer facade of it all! There was really something deeply sad watching that. The fact that this celebrity had it all planned out. The fact that she felt the need to hatch out this facade. The fact that her need to ‘pepper them’ outmuscled her sense of reason. The fact that she didn’t see the degradation of her self in that act. The fact she that she felt she wasn’t enough ‘as is.’ It was a sordid experience.

It is fine to have a well put together image on social media, but may the life of 'opulence' we portray not be a facade in real life. They say fake it till you make it, but how exhausting must that life be. May we have the wisdom to spend that cash in making our reality better than spending it for the gram. Ultimately, may we realize that those we desperately want to 'impress' in the end, bloody do not matter!

3 Ways to Break Through When You’re Burning Out and Ready for a Change

 1. Let visual reminders keep you focused and on track.

You can post meaningful quotes on your bedroom wall, or find a coffee a mug that has a motivational message on it (mine says “Every Day is an Opportunity”). But you can also take it a step further than that too…

Few good things come easy, and when the going gets tough we often take the easy way out even though the easy way takes us the wrong way.

To combat this, I create tangible reminders that pull me back from the brink of my weak impulses. For example, I have my laptop’s desktop background set to a photo of my family, both because I love looking at them and because, when work gets really rough, these photos remind me of the people I am ultimately working for.

And I’m not the only one who’s successfully using this strategy…

A friend of mine who has paid off almost $100K of debt in the past five years has a copy of his credit card balance taped to his computer monitor; it serves as a constant reminder of the debt he still wants to pay off. Another friend keeps a photo of herself when she was 90 pounds heavier on her refrigerator as a reminder of the person she never wants to be again.

Think of moments when you are most likely to give in to impulses that ultimately burn you out and take you farther away from what matters most to you. Then use visual reminders to interrupt the impulses and rebuild the momentum and inner passion that keeps you on the right track.

Your ultimate goal is living a life uncluttered by most of the impulsive distractions people fill their lives with, leaving you with space for what truly matters. A life that isn’t constant busyness, rushing and resistance, but instead mindful contemplation, creation and connection with people and endeavors that truly matter.

2. Stop waiting for that elusive spark of passion.

Even with a healthy set of visual reminders and good focus, the grind will sometimes burn you out…

Your body may eventually grow weary, you may lie awake some nights listening to your past regrets, you may miss your only love, you may see the world around you overcome by negativity, or know your respect has been trampled on by unfriendly faces. Life happens! And there’s no doubt that it gets hard at times.

That said, there is one action for daily healing and “breaking through” that works every time: BEING passionate with the small task in front of you. That’s the only positive effort that a battered mind can never exhaust, never alienate, never be tortured by, never fear or doubt, and never dream of regretting.

And you don’t have to wait either. You don’t have to search around or “find passion” somewhere outside yourself. You can simply bring passion into the very next thing you do today. You can put your whole heart and soul into it! Again though, that’s easier said than done. Consider these questions I presented in a blog post a few months back:

When was the last time you sat down, or picked up the phone, and had a conversation with someone you love, with zero distractions and 100% focus?

When was the last time you exercised, and literally put every bit of effort you could muster into it?

When was the last time you truly tried—I mean TRULY tried—to do your very best?

Be honest with yourself right now. If you’re still waiting to “find” something to be passionate about, what you need to do is the exact opposite!

Put your heart and soul into the small task at hand!

I’m certain you have plenty in your life right now that’s worth living for. You have people and lots of small circumstances you’re taking for granted. You have an endless reservoir of untapped potential within you, just waiting.

Stop waiting!

There is no next opportunity, only the one you have at this moment.

Put your heart and soul (and gratitude) into what you’ve got right in front of you!

3. Give things you can’t control a little more space.

“If you want to control your animals, give them a larger pasture.” That’s a quote Angel and I heard at a meditation retreat recently in a group discussion focused on the power of changing your attitude about the things you can’t change or don’t need to change.

I see “the animals” and their “larger pasture” as a form of letting go and allowing things to be the way they are—instead of trying to tightly control something, you’re loosening up, giving it more space, a larger pasture. The animals will be happier—they will roam around and do what they naturally do. And yet your needs will be met too—you will have more space to be at peace with the way the animals are.

This same philosophy holds true for many aspects of life—stepping back and allowing certain things to happen means these things will take care of themselves, and your needs will also be met. You will have less stress (and less to do), and more time and energy to work on the things that truly matter—the things you actually can control—like your priorities, your self-care, and your attitude about everything.

Ultimately, as you move forward, you want to keep in mind that one of the greatest secrets to peace and happiness is letting most situations be what they are instead of what you think they should be, and then making the best of them.

(MARCANDANGEL).

I Just Stopped By To Remind You Of These 7 Things

As we get entangled in the melee of life, I just thought to stop by, to remind you of seven subtle but crucial truths that you should never lose sight of:

1. I stopped by to remind you that you are enough, just the way you are. Sometimes, in the quest to be more, we forget that we are a complete entity. We can aspire to get better, but we should never think that we are not good enough. You are enough to attract love, you are enough to enjoy the best things of life, you are enough to earn your space in life. I hope you never forget this.

2. I stopped by to remind you to always resist the urge to be around those that make you want to ‘perform.’ Those friends that make you feel small in their presence. Those family members that always want to remind you of your inadequacies. Never give in to that urge that makes you want to show that you are more than you are, even when there are so many incentives to do so. That life is exhausting.

3. I stopped by to remind you to always walk away from unnecessary drama. Remember that humans crave theatrics, and at times, for your own sanity and mental well-being, walk away from all the unnecessary drama.

4. I stopped by to remind you that your emotions are valid. That thing you feel is legitimate. Cry when you want to, whimper when you want to, express joy and love when you want to, and discard that mask that you are living in today.

5. I stopped by to remind you to always pursue happiness in all your getting. Follow your dreams and learn to do it afraid. Sometimes, we are lost in the chase for life’s riches that we fail to recognize what really brings happiness. Ultimately, I hope you take your life one day at a time.

6. I stopped by to remind you on the need to deliberately choose gratitude. Remember that feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it. Show gratitude, publicly and privately. More importantly, be thankful for all the wonderful things in your life. I hope you see them.

7. I stopped by to remind you to always put God first in all you do. I know we are at a time when it is not so fashionable to love God. I hope you are not swayed by the folly of men, and that you realize that your relationship with God is the most important thing in this world

2 Quick Stories that Will Change the Way You Show Up in Your Relationships

Story #1 — True, Good, and Useful
A couple thousand years ago in ancient Greece, the great philosopher Socrates was strolling contemplatively around a community garden when a neighbor walked up to him and said, “You’re never in a million years going to believe what I just heard about our mutual friend…”

“Wait,” Socrates interrupted, putting his hand up in the air. “Before you continue with this story, your words must pass the triple filter test?”

“The what?”

“The triple filter test,” Socrates said.

The neighbor just stared at him with a blank expression.

Socrates continued, “The first filter is Truth. Are you absolutely sure the story you are about to tell me is true?”

“Well, no,” the neighbor said, “I literally just heard it from someone else I know.”

“Ah-ha…” Socrates quickly replied, “then let’s move on to the second filter. Is what you are about to share Good in any way, shape or form?”

“No… no,” the neighbor said, “This story is actually quite…”

Before he could finish his sentence, Socrates interrupted him again, “Ahh… so it may not be true and it is definitely not good.”

“That’s right,” the neighbor assured him.

“Well, you may still be able to save yourself,” Socrates said. “Is anything about the story you want to share Useful?”

The neighbor stared blankly again for a moment and then said, “No, I suppose it’s not really…”

“So, you want to tell me something that may not be true, is definitely not good, and is not useful to know?” Socrates asked. The neighbor looked down at the ground and nodded. “Well, you have no good reason to tell me this story, and you have no good reason to believe it yourself,” Socrates added, as the neighbor dolefully walked away.

. . .

In many ways, not too much has changed since ancient Greece, especially when it comes to the stories we tell ourselves and drama we perpetuate…

Every single day, we invest valuable time and energy into drama and hearsay. Many of us plug into social media first thing in the morning for reasons that have zero to do with what is true for us, good for us, and useful for those around us. Instead, we do it mostly as a default nervous reaction.

In an expansive universe in which there are abundant opportunities to discover what’s true, what’s good, and what’s useful, when we do the opposite, we know it. And while making that compromise — with lots of mind-numbing gossip — is tolerable for a little while, eventually it isn’t anymore. Our negligence catches up to us, and we begin to feel pain.

Don’t fall into the trap today. Instead take Socrates’ advice: simply focus on what is true, good, and useful. It worked well for Socrates a couple thousand years ago, and I assure you it continues to work well for many people today.

Story #2 — How to Love
You’d like Michelle a lot. Most people do. She’s the kind of person who listens when you talk, who smiles often, and who says things that make the people around her smile. She’s incredibly intelligent, but in a way that makes others feel comfortable. It’s the way she expresses herself in simple terms you can understand — almost like she’s articulating the thoughts you already have in your head, but haven’t quite found the right words to say aloud.

And it doesn’t matter who you are either. Michelle always has a way of relating to you. Because, in a way, she’s been there with you all along. She can think like you, so she understands you. It’s truly a special gift. So many of us have limitations in our perceptions. We understand the soldiers but not the politics governing the wars. We understand the people who go to the movies but not the ones who attend rodeos. But somehow, Michelle gets all of us. Again, it’s her gift.

If she hasn’t actually been to the rodeo you’re talking about — or any rodeo at all for that matter — she’ll be honest about it, but she’ll make you feel as if she was right there with you when you attended. And once you return home after spending a night with Michelle, you’ll catch yourself smiling and thinking about how there needs to be more people like her in the world. Because if there were, there would be far less to worry about.

Michelle passed away recently. I don’t really want to discuss the details right now, because honestly, they aren’t relevant. It could have been a car accident. It could have been old age. We are often far too concerned with how people died, rather than how they lived. And I want you to know how Michelle lived. She told stories — lots of stories that contained beautiful, subtle insights and wisdom about our lives and the world around us. And today, I want to share with you the last story she told me before she died:

“One Sunday morning when I was a little girl, my father surprised me and took me to the fishing docks. But instead of fishing, like all the other little girls and boys were doing with their parents, we sat down on the end of one of the docks and watched all the other children fish. For over an hour, we sat there and watched until we left without ever casting a single fishing line into the water.

I was simultaneously sad and angry. On the drive home I told my father that I’d never forgive him for being so mean to me. He looked at me, smiled and said, “I love you, Michelle.” When I didn’t respond, he asked, “Did you notice how happy all the other little girls and boys were? Did you see their smiles? Could you feel the happiness in their hearts?” After a moment of silence I quickly snapped, “I don’t really care! I just want to go fishing like everyone else!” My father took a deep breath and kept driving.

We went back to the fishing docks dozens of Sunday mornings throughout my childhood. And each time we saw dozens of other little girls and boys jumping and laughing and celebrating as they reeled in fish. But we still never cast a single fishing line into the water. We just sat there on the end of that same dock and watched. And my father never explained why. But he didn’t need to. Because years later, after I entered adulthood, and found myself volunteering at a local homeless shelter, I suddenly realized that those mornings spent sitting on that dock was where I learned how to love.”

. . .

Michelle’s last story continues to make me think…

Too often we pass people in a hurry, without caring or thinking twice.

Or we judge those who aren’t moving at our pace.

And rarely do we ever stop. Just to witness. Or to listen. Or to love.

Because we forget, or perhaps never learned, that every passing face represents a story just as captivating, complicated and worthy as our own. Everyone has gone through something that has inadvertently changed them and forced them to struggle, adapt and grow. Everyone’s smile has been earned. Everyone we meet has fought hard, and continues to fight in some way. And to them, their issues are equally as significant and worthwhile as whatever we’re going through.

Pausing from time to time to appreciate all the human beings around us opens our minds. Sharing in their happiness (or their frustrations) opens our hearts. When we take time to pause — to truly witness and listen, instead of bypassing or judging too quickly — we can learn so much… about ourselves, about each other, and about real love.

(MARCANDANGEL).

7 Difficult Things You Should Start Doing for the People Around You

1. Start being a source of sincere support.
The closest thing to being cared for is to care for others. Again, we are all in this together and we should treat each other as such. The very demons that torment each of us, torment others all over the world. It is our challenges and troubles that connect us at the deepest level.

If you think about the people who have had the greatest positive effect on your life—the ones who truly made a difference—you will likely realize that they aren’t the ones that tried to give you all the answers or solve all your problems. They’re the ones who sat silently with you when you needed a moment to think, who lent you a shoulder when you needed to cry, and who tolerated not having all the answers, but stood beside you anyway. Be this person for those around you every chance you get.

2. Start going out of your way to show respect.
Life’s greatest privilege is to become who you truly are. You have to dare to be yourself, one hundred percent, however anxious or odd that self may prove to be. The people who support you in doing so are extraordinary. Appreciate these people and their kindness, and pay it forward when you’re able.

Never bully someone into silence. Never victimize others for being different. Accept no one’s close-minded definition of another person. Let people define themselves. You have the ability to show people how awesome they are, just the way they are. So act on this ability without hesitation; and don’t forget to show yourself the same courtesy.

Ultimately, how far you go in life depends on your willingness to be helpful to the young, respectful to the aged, tender with the hurt, supportive of the striving, and patient with those who are weaker or stronger than the majority.

3. Start leading with the truth.
Trust is the bedrock of all healthy communication, and when trust is broken it takes a long time and commitment on the part of both parties involved to repair it and heal. The key thing to remember here is that secrets can be just as deceitful as openly telling a lie.

If you’re covering up your tracks or withholding the truth in any way, it’s only a matter of time before the truth comes out and trust in the relationship completely breaks down. So speak the truth openly and kindly, always.

4. Start communicating clearly, without needless drama.
Frequent name-calling, threats, eye-rolling, belittling, mockery, hostile teasing, etc. In whatever form, gestures like these are poisonous to a relationship because they convey hate. And it’s virtually impossible to resolve an interpersonal dispute of any kind when the other person is constantly receiving the message that you hate them.

Also, keep in mind that if someone makes a mistake and you choose to forgive them, your actions must reinforce your words. In other words, let bygones be bygones. Don’t use their past wrongdoings to justify your present righteousness. When you constantly use someone’s past wrongdoings to make yourself seem “better” than them (“I’m better than you because, unlike you, I didn’t do XYZ in the past.”), it’s a lose-lose situation.

Replace your negative thoughts with positive communication! Because the truth is, if you’re throwing hateful gestures at a person instead of communicating with them, there’s a good chance they don’t even know why you’re being so mean.

And remember, the single greatest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place. When we hear only what we want to hear, we’re not really listening. We must listen to what we don’t want to hear too. Because that’s how we grow stronger, together.

5. Start tuning in, especially when you feel like tuning out.
In other words, no more silent treatments of any kind!

Tuning out, ignoring, disengaging, refusing to acknowledge, etc. All variations of the silent treatment don’t just remove the other person from the argument you’re having with them, it ends up removing them, emotionally, from the relationship you have with them, and the understanding you hope to reach.

When you’re ignoring someone, you’re really teaching them to live without you—to ignore you right back. If that’s what you want, be clear about it. And if not, tune back in!

6. Start giving people your undivided attention while you’re with them.
You don’t have to tell people that you care, just show them. In your relationships and interactions with others, nothing you can give is more appreciated than your sincere, focused attention. Being with someone, listening without a clock and without anticipation of results is the ultimate compliment. It is indeed the most valued gesture you can make to another human being.

When we pay attention to each other we breathe new life into each other. With frequent attention and affection our relationships flourish, and we as individuals grow wiser and stronger. We help heal each other’s wounds and support each other’s growth. So give someone the gift of YOU—your time, undivided attention and kindness.

7. Start giving more recognition and praise (in public).
Give genuine praise whenever possible. Doing so can be difficult, yet it’s a mighty act of service. Start noticing what you like about others and speak up. Having an appreciation for how amazing the people around you are is extremely rewarding. It’s an investment in them that doesn’t cost you a thing, and the returns can be astounding. Not only will they feel empowered, but also what goes around comes around, and sooner or later the people you’re cheering for will start cheering for you too.

Finally, be sure to follow this rule: “Praise in public, penalize in private.” Never publicly ridicule someone when you have the option not to. If you don’t understand someone, ask questions. If you don’t agree with them, respectfully tell them. But don’t judge them behind their back to everyone else.

(MARCANDANGEL).

Oshiomhole: Lessons From The Chequered Comrade

They say he whom the gods wishes to destroy, they first make mad with power; the case of Adams Oshiomhole, provides some perspectives. The self-styled comrade is no stranger to public life, neither is he a novice to the vicissitudes that comes with it. He was first appointed General Secretary of the National Union of Textile Garment and Tailoring Workers of Nigeria in 1982. This was a launching pad for his national activism between 1999 to 2007, where he held the position of the President of the Nigeria Labour Congress. His many battles with then president, Olusegun Obasanjo, is well chronicled. Oshiomhole was a fine voice in those days. He endeared his little frame into the fragile hearts of many Nigerians, and the 25% wage increase he negotiated for public sector workers was arguably his finest hour in his labour days.

However, the wine jar of political life intoxicates differently. Adams Oshiomhole was first to taste this with being governor of Edo state in April 2007. True to the political script of most Nigerian governors, he did two terms of eight years. The jury is still out in some quarters on the verdict of those eight years as governor. Depending on who you ask, in a state that is steep in political divisions and alliances, you will probably not get the gospel truth. Yet, more travails awaited him ahead. On June 23rd 2018, Oshiomhole emerged national chairman of the ruling party, All Progressives Congress (APC). The battles Oshiomhole he had fought in his activism days were nothing compared to those he had had to contend with over these last 18 months. Particularly over the last few months, he became a familiar name in courts. It was one injunction to the other. First suspended, then he appealed, then his appeal collapsed, and he remained suspended. All these culminated to the dissolution of his National Working Committee on June 25th, by Victor Giadom, the recognized leader by the President, Muhammadu Buhari.

Oshiomhole’s case is a curious one. Perhaps, the biggest vitriolic against him was the fact that he fought too many battles. He meddled in state politics far more than had been witnessed, at least in recent times, and he fell out with quite a lot of key political players in the process. He was quick to remind everyone of his status as national chairman. Often, when a leader has to always seek validation and remind all and sundry of the powers he wields, then there is something suspect about that leadership. Afterall, these things should be obvious. The last straw that drove the final nail into his political coffin was his battle with his successor in Edo state, Godwin Obaseki. We can go on an endless diatribe on who was right, and who was wrong, but one thing we can all agree on, is that the fight was a bit too messy at times. Rocks were randomly hurled, truly dirty linens were exposed, and almost all the political dark cards were played. It made for great television, but it was very sad to watch at times. Oshiomhole and Obaseki just didn’t know when to stop. And then there was the interesting point around ‘Party Supremacy.’ This was arguably the most used phrase by Adams Oshiomhole in his time as national chairman. He would often play this card with a rider that goes ‘I have spoken with Mr. President…’ Oshiomhole might well have meant well in trying to entrench party supremacy particularly in a political terrain such as ours where flouting the rule book, and playing god is such a big thing. However, he was tactless in doing this. It is also instructive that the president whom he was always quick to reference also read the signs and knew when to jump ship. There is an avalanche of lessons to learn for us all in all of these.

Adorned in his trademark khaki, Oshiomhole had called for a press conference on June 27th where he declared that ‘I accept APC NWC dissolution in good faith.’ It was a screeching end to a plethora of running battles that appeared to have taken its toll on the Iyamho kid. He looked spent, beaten and a tad tired. It remains to be seen if there is still life in this old dog or have we just witnessed the final act of the ‘Oshiomhole show.’ Oshiomhole has always proven to be a formidable adversary, always having one last fight in him, but at 68, with the burden of his chequered past, there is the feeling that the comrade might be hanging his fading khaki in place of some home casuals, sooner rather than later. Time will tell.

Never Let A Good Crisis Go To Waste

In the final brief handed down to over seven billion of us in the world, we completely missed the memo that 2020 was to be an unscripted year, bedeviled by the unprecedented and with no handrails. COVID 19 was already with us at the start of the year but we had confined it to the patchy streets of Wuhan, believing that we could beat it to death in that corner of the world. Good Grief! Were we massively wrong!

The tales of how the virus evolved from an unknown phenomenon to becoming the daily realities of many around the world are already well chronicled. A rehash here will be relieving the trauma twice. These times have forced us to rethink our humanity and remind us that we are more connected than we like to think. The lines that divide us are incredibly numerous but the thread that holds us together is our common humanity. That thread perhaps deserves far more premium attention than it is currently getting. One will hope that the crisis forces us to recognize the need to always appreciate that thread and nurture if for what it is worth.

It is fascinating how almost every other thing pale in comparison when health and life are the considerations. The last few months have exposed the wretchedness of our vanity, and while no one is under an illusion that wealth probably helps you go through a crisis easier, it doesn’t make you immune, and it is no defense in the face of an arrogant virus that is no respecter of persons. Closely linked to the realization of WHAT is truly important is the reawakening of WHO is truly important. For many people, they spend their life chasing the validation and affirmation of people in the virtual space or those removed from their circle. There is the perennial need to perform for strangers. Reflecting on these times, I hope we have some clarity on who is truly important, who never was and who will always be. Most times there is love waiting for us in the chambers of our home but some of us go searching for it with those who will never count.

The first half of the year have entirely shredded all the financial analysis and permutations by the economic eggheads. Stocks have plummeted, Shares have taken a nosedive, several industries are still wondering on what had hit them. The financial script for the year has clearly been altered. The world economy will recover but boy, is anyone even daring to put some timelines now after the folly of our collective predictions earlier in the year. It behooves then on each one of us to make do with what we are left with. Wisdom is not to make financial decisions in the state of panic, but to be aware enough to cut your losses and leverage new and not so obvious opportunities.

It is also pertinent to reconnect to your individual coping mechanism at times like this. It could be music, literature, work out, whatever. The goal is to stay connected to those activities that energies you. The news is frankly mostly dirges of woes these days and the smart thing is to protect your sanity by reconnecting to your energy boosters.

And when all is said and done, I hope we all come to the subtle realization that this crisis in all its dimensions have also come to teach us the power of gratitude. To recognize the things, we like to ignore. To see the things that elude us. To be thankful for the things we like to forget. And to be grateful each day for the things we have that life’s riches cannot obtain. I hope we remember all these and that we come out of this crisis as better individuals and a much better collective. May we not let this crisis go to waste.

3 Tough Things We Need to Do to Be Happy in Tough Times

1. Be fully present in each moment.
Life is not lived in some distant, imagined land of someday where everything is perfect. It is lived here and now, with the reality of the way things are. Yes, by all means you can hope for and work toward an idealized tomorrow. Yet to do so, you must successfully deal with the world as it is today.

Sometimes we avoid experiencing exactly where we are because we have developed a belief, based on past experiences, that it is not where we should be or want to be. But the truth is, where you are now is exactly where you need to be to get to where you want to go tomorrow. So practice appreciating where you are.

Your family members are too beautiful to ignore. Call them. Text them. Take a moment to remember how fortunate you are to be breathing. Take a look around, with your eyes earnestly open to the possibilities. Much of what you fear does not exist in the space around you. Much of what you love is closer than you realize. You are just one brief thought away from understanding the blessing that is your life.

Remind yourself that happiness is a mindset that can only be designed into the present. It’s not a point in the future or a moment from the past, and yet this misconception hurts the masses more often than we realize. So many young people seem to think all their happiness awaits them in the years ahead, while so many older people believe their best moments are behind them. COVID-19 is only exacerbating these kinds of mindsets right now. Don’t let it get the best of you.

2. Bring gratitude and passion into the little things.
Over the years, Angel and I have guided hundreds of friends, course students and Think Better, Live Better conference attendees through a process of finding sincere gratitude and passion in tough times—a process of stepping forward gracefully, no matter what…

A couple short years ago, on the second to last day of her life, a friend of mine, who I was coaching daily, told me her only regret was that she didn’t appreciate every year with the same passion and purpose that she had in the last two years of her life, after she was diagnosed with terminal cancer. “I’ve accomplished so much recently—so much inner growth—and truly appreciated every moment of it,” she said. “If I had only known, I would have started sooner.”

Her words made me cry and smile at the same time. What was truly miraculous was seeing the genuine gratitude in her eyes at that moment. She was immensely grateful for actually being able to accomplish the little things she had accomplished in her final two years. And her sentiment has always remained with me, and sits at the top of my mind right now. While I agree that dealing with the COVID-19 pandemic is disheartening, and that it can be very painful and debilitating for some people, the pain for most of us can still be mediated by a sense of gratitude and passion for being alive. For still having a chance to do the little things that bring us joy. For still having a life worth living, from moment to precious moment.

Honestly, you’re doing it right when you have so much to cry and complain about, but you prefer to breathe deep and appreciate your life instead. Because there is always, always, always something to be thankful for and some reason to take another step forward. Just invest your heart and soul into whatever you have right in front of you. Bring gratitude and passion into otherwise ordinary moments…

What if you woke up tomorrow with only the little things you were thankful for and passionate about today?

3. Be consistent with healthy daily rituals.
About a decade ago, when I was intensely focused on weight lifting and physical strength training, I gradually learned that you can’t be truly committed to anything worthwhile if you have a weak mind that’s unwilling to do tough things. To combat this, I wrote two simple questions on two different post-it notes and stuck one on my bathroom mirror and the other inside my gym locker:

How many daily workouts have you missed because your mind, not your body, told you that you were too tired?
How many daily workout reps have you skipped because your mind, not your body, said, “Nine reps is enough. Don’t worry about the tenth”?
To this day, the answer to both questions is surely hundreds for most people, including myself. Weakness of the mind can easily get the best of us, especially when the going gets tough. And the only way to fix this weakness is daily practice.

Far too often we think inner strength is all about how we respond to extremely dire circumstances, like actively coping with Covid-19: Can we keep our lives together even after suffering from a major illness, or losing our livelihood?

There’s no doubt that extremely dire circumstances test our bravery, determination and inner strength, but what about less dire, daily circumstances? Perhaps just passively coping with Covid-19 from a distance, when it’s not directly and personally debilitating us.

What we need to remember is that the mind needs to be exercised to gain strength. It needs to be worked consistently in healthy ways to grow strong. If you refuse to push yourself forward a little bit every day, of course you will feel completely stuck when the going gets tough.

But you don’t have to feel that way right now…

Choose to do some sit-ups in your bedroom every morning when it would be easier to sleep in. Choose to do the ten reps when it would be easier to quit at nine. Choose to create something special (like a new journal entry, drawing, or family highlight video) when it would be easier to consume something mediocre on TikTok or Instagram. Choose to send loving texts to family and friends when it would be easier to watch another show on Netflix. Prove to yourself, in dozens of little ways over the next few weeks, that you have the discipline to get in the ring and wrestle with life.

Inner strength is always built through lots of small, daily victories. It’s the individual choices we make day-to-day that build our “inner strength muscles.” We all want this kind of strength, especially in tough times, but we can’t simply think our way to it. If you want it, you have to do something about it ritualistically. It’s your positive daily rituals that prove your mental fortitude and move you in a positive direction.

(MARCANDANGEL).

What It Means To Have Truly Lived...

To lift up the burden of another while you trudge yours along.

To help another find company while solitude fastens itself around you.

To catch a sagging spirit while yours is barely grovelling in the basement.

To say a word of prayer with another while your litany of heart desires remain on queue.

To comfort the one who just lost a loved one while you had to bury your baby son in a box.

To ditch out refined hope while uncertainty looms over your life like a White tailed eagle.

To come off the phone with a friend who is contemplating suicide while having to cry yourself to sleep with your niggling depressing thoughts.

To preach the effervescent love of God while you can't seem to find him in your chaos.

To give your last bread to another with the maleovance assurances of lack going through your life with a fine tooth comb.

To help another find sleep while insomnia makes love to you all night.

To trudge into bed every night, beaten and tired from the strain of living. Yet, each morning when the alarm goes off, you find the last ounce of tenacity to pick yourself and go again, assured that if you just keep living, life will somehow break for you along the way. God is on your side!

Letter to my Friend: Getting Ready For Life After COVID 19

Dear Friend,

Top of the day to you…and that is me imagining that there is any cherry left at the top of our days in these times. It must truly be an unprecedented time for you. Whatever you do, hang in there, and just ensure that we all scrape through this in one piece. It is amidst all of the drama that I thought to put some ink on paper for you; something for you to chew on. Call it my little note of wisdom. You know I am trying to ensure that my motivational career takes flight as a side hustle. No one knows tomorrow my dear friend.

I sincerely hope that you have used this period to put on some weight, fatten your flesh and grow bigger. Forget the naysayers, the true test of a man’s arrival to wealth is in the amount of body meat he can boost of. Eat my friend, eat like your life depends on it; you only live once afterall. Pay no attention to the calories at this point. Discard going to the gym or doing any form of hiking. The virus is an arrogant one and it is on the prowl. Don’t risk your one fragile life in the name of ‘keeping fit.’ Stay away from those who tell you to invest your hard-earned money in books. They don’t have your best interest at heart. How will anyone in their right senses even suggest investment in books in these times. Things are hard; money is scarce, and the last thing you want to do is to subject your already strained brain to any form of stimulating activity. Who needs books when you can gain all the inspiration you need from the video nuggets of our Prophet Odumeje, the most revered Indaboski Pahose of our time. And for those that tell you to read on your phone, they are just being ludicrous. Too much of screen light is damaging to your eyes, and you need those eyes to engage in far more rewarding ventures, which brings me to my next point.

I can also imagine that you must have spent so much money on data at this time. You know my advice? Spend more. Data is king. Data is everything. Data is life. Try all you can to be online 24/7, even if it means you emptying your life savings on data. The world is moving at a breakneck speed and you need to be at the gate of the internet always to gulp it all in. Frolic from one social media platform to another as much as you can. Stay abreast with the trending topics on Twitter and ensure that you don’t miss all the funny skits on Instagram. While you are at it, remember that those many Instagram live sessions will not watch themselves. Join them all. Show you are present, mark your name in the hall of fame register of the internet. If you can’t see the world physically, at least you can be everywhere on the world wide web. My dear friend, perspective is everything.

Always ensure that you are a walking COVID 19 encyclopedia. From numbers of death rate in New York to infection rates in Moscow, you must have all the trends and statistics in your beck and call. If you can, know the names of all the dead people from COVID 19 by heart. This is hard, but the brain is capable of wonders my friend. Remember that the true test of your intelligence after COVID in conversations with your friends, colleagues and prospective employers will center around your overall knowledge of the virus. Keep abreast dear friend. From Channels TV to CNN, take it all in. Also ensure that you have your notepad while watching the news. You know what they say, the faintest of ink is more powerful than the strongest memory. You really can’t afford to muddle up your COVID 19 statistics.

As I close this letter, may I use the opportunity to inform you that there are plans to ensure that the English Premier League returns in June. Happy days are on the horizon my friend. We shall see all the matches. From Brighton vs Norwich to Watford vs Southampton. My dear friend, I hope I have been able to inspire you in these unprecedented times. Live your life, go wild. The main thing is surviving this phase. Who knows, the kingdom of God may even come at the end of this. Stay woke my dearest friend!

1 Secret to Getting Through Tough Situations (and Truly Bad Days)

Releasing Your Judgments

The truth is, it’s impossible to get over a difficult situation—to let it go—if you’re still obsessively judging it and comparing it to something else. Let’s revisit one specific gut-wrenching situation from your past again—choose one that still stirs negative emotions. And then ask yourself:

Do you believe it should not have happened at all?
Do you believe the outcome should have been different?
Do you take what happened personally?
Do you blame someone else for what happened?
Do you blame yourself?
Do you believe the situation is impossible to get over?
If you caught yourself thinking “yes” to one or more of those questions, then what’s prolonging your suffering and preventing you from getting over it is judgment. Your judgments about what “should have happened” continues to postpone the love, hope, and self-care you know you are capable of practicing.

Now you may be thinking, “What happened was unbelievably horrible! I can’t conceive of ever getting over it!” But releasing your judgment does not mean you’re pleased with what happened, or that you support it, but rather that you are eliminating the negative burden you are carrying by perpetually judging it.

When you let go of your negative judgments, you automatically replace the victim mentality with acceptance and presence. And acceptance and presence together will free your mind and move you forward.

This very same principle applies to our present challenges with COVID-19, especially for those of us who are not ill.

When we think better about our circumstances, we live better in spite of them.

And there is no reason to postpone. Now is the time to practice being more mindful of your judgments and how you respond to life. Of course, that’s much easier said that done. Mindfulness as a daily ritual is the ultimate challenge. It’s a way of living, of being, of seeing, of tapping into the full power of your humanity, without judgment.

At its core, mindfulness is…

Being aware of what’s happening in the present moment without wishing it were different
Enjoying each pleasant experience without holding on when it changes (which it will)
Being with each unpleasant experience without fearing it will always be this way (which it won’t).

(MARCANDANGEL).

Nigeria: A Great Government vs An Ungrateful People

In the final analysis, Nigerians are a bunch of ungrateful people, full of vitriolic, waxed by insane criticisms and simply buoyed by their ignorance. In an alternative universe or in a saner clime, we should be thankful for the government of the day. Each day, our leaders are toiling away, burning their fingers at work, making local and foreign trips, and finding ways to make our lives liveable. But what do they get, torrents of vile comments, in all its richness.

Recently, there was a hullabaloo about the House of Reps members procuring for themselves about 360 Toyota Camry 2020 exotic cars. The angry children of Twitter jumped on this, falling to understand that these leaders need this tool to do their jobs effectively. How do we expect them to move around town? How do we expect them to go to their constituencies? Our roads are bad and require such quality of cars to absorb the shock. And just before you go off criticising them for not fixing our roads, remember that it is not them that made it bad in the first place. To put this in perspective, they hardly ply these roads in the first place. Afterall, their preferred means of transport is via aircrafts; and no one can accuse them of causing potholes there. We must always be circumspect as we judge our loving leaders.

More recently, the resentful children of social media were criticising the burial rites of the late Chief of Staff, Abba Kyari, accusing the organizers of not maintaining social distance and failing to abide by the other COVID 19 guidelines. Truly, we Nigerians are ungrateful. A statesman has just died and someone is ranting about an alien disease. To even attempt to compare that event to that of Funke Akindele for which the latter was publicly lampooned and legally dealt with, is to lack a good sense of reason. Someone of olympian calibre has just died for crying out loud. This was a difficult time for all the staff in Aso Rock. He doesn't just belong to his family. Abba Kyari, like his boss, is for everyone. Let him be given a State burial, COVID or no COVID. 

Finally, it is true that the lockdown imposed by the Federal government is difficult for many, but then, this is a difficult time for everyone. Times are hard. Even the president is managing himself. Every two weeks he comes on to address us on the situation of things, yet, some mischievous Nigerians want him to do this more often. Do you know what it takes to stand in front of the cameras in this COVID 19 era? Do you know the steel, sagacity and guts required to read through lots of pages without even taking a sip of water in our harsh climate? We underestimate the efforts of our sterling leaders. We should be thankful for our leaders. We don't deserve them. And each time we say a prayer every night, we should always make that point.