Dear Friend,
Top of the day to you…and that is me imagining that there is any cherry left at the top of our days in these times. It must truly be an unprecedented time for you. Whatever you do, hang in there, and just ensure that we all scrape through this in one piece. It is amidst all of the drama that I thought to put some ink on paper for you; something for you to chew on. Call it my little note of wisdom. You know I am trying to ensure that my motivational career takes flight as a side hustle. No one knows tomorrow my dear friend.
I sincerely hope that you have used this period to put on some weight, fatten your flesh and grow bigger. Forget the naysayers, the true test of a man’s arrival to wealth is in the amount of body meat he can boost of. Eat my friend, eat like your life depends on it; you only live once afterall. Pay no attention to the calories at this point. Discard going to the gym or doing any form of hiking. The virus is an arrogant one and it is on the prowl. Don’t risk your one fragile life in the name of ‘keeping fit.’ Stay away from those who tell you to invest your hard-earned money in books. They don’t have your best interest at heart. How will anyone in their right senses even suggest investment in books in these times. Things are hard; money is scarce, and the last thing you want to do is to subject your already strained brain to any form of stimulating activity. Who needs books when you can gain all the inspiration you need from the video nuggets of our Prophet Odumeje, the most revered Indaboski Pahose of our time. And for those that tell you to read on your phone, they are just being ludicrous. Too much of screen light is damaging to your eyes, and you need those eyes to engage in far more rewarding ventures, which brings me to my next point.
I can also imagine that you must have spent so much money on data at this time. You know my advice? Spend more. Data is king. Data is everything. Data is life. Try all you can to be online 24/7, even if it means you emptying your life savings on data. The world is moving at a breakneck speed and you need to be at the gate of the internet always to gulp it all in. Frolic from one social media platform to another as much as you can. Stay abreast with the trending topics on Twitter and ensure that you don’t miss all the funny skits on Instagram. While you are at it, remember that those many Instagram live sessions will not watch themselves. Join them all. Show you are present, mark your name in the hall of fame register of the internet. If you can’t see the world physically, at least you can be everywhere on the world wide web. My dear friend, perspective is everything.
Always ensure that you are a walking COVID 19 encyclopedia. From numbers of death rate in New York to infection rates in Moscow, you must have all the trends and statistics in your beck and call. If you can, know the names of all the dead people from COVID 19 by heart. This is hard, but the brain is capable of wonders my friend. Remember that the true test of your intelligence after COVID in conversations with your friends, colleagues and prospective employers will center around your overall knowledge of the virus. Keep abreast dear friend. From Channels TV to CNN, take it all in. Also ensure that you have your notepad while watching the news. You know what they say, the faintest of ink is more powerful than the strongest memory. You really can’t afford to muddle up your COVID 19 statistics.
As I close this letter, may I use the opportunity to inform you that there are plans to ensure that the English Premier League returns in June. Happy days are on the horizon my friend. We shall see all the matches. From Brighton vs Norwich to Watford vs Southampton. My dear friend, I hope I have been able to inspire you in these unprecedented times. Live your life, go wild. The main thing is surviving this phase. Who knows, the kingdom of God may even come at the end of this. Stay woke my dearest friend!
Funny. Really. I guess those are some of the many ways to commit suicide.
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