5 Easy Ways to Uncomplicate Your Thoughts

1. Question your stories.

You know what they say, don’t believe everything you hear nor everything you read. Don’t believe the gossip columns in the magazine, the doom and gloom predictions from your co-workers, or the “shocking news” that you hear on TV … until you have verified it.

Well, the same concept applies to your inside world – your thoughts.

We all have stories about ourselves even if we don’t think of them as stories. Case in point: How often do you pause and logically contemplate what you really think about your relationships, your habits, or your challenges? How often, on the other hand, do you just blurt out whatever fleeting emotion comes to mind first – i.e., the pre-recorded story you’ve been holding on to – without even thinking?

Stories can be short, such as “I’m not a good writer,” “I’m not good at work,” or “I have intrinsic procrastination problems.” If we were to dig deeper, you’d be happy to go on and try to explain why that is the case.

So the uncluttering exercise here is to question your story. For instance, let’s take the writer example. Ask yourself: Why do I think I am not a good writer? What would it look like to be a good writer? Can I describe my current writing in a way that serves me better?

You will be surprised how often the questioning process helps you emerge with a much better and more accurate version of your story. Give it a try!

2. Prove the power of affirmations to yourself.

You may have heard of positive affirmations. They are statements in the affirmative implying something is already so, such as:

I am a good writer.
I am a talented person.
I am a kind loving person.
Now let’s be honest. When you are feeling frustrated or unhappy, do you really feel like saying a positive affirmation and, more importantly, believing it? Um… probably not, so how do we outsmart our own negative side? By disarming what we call “blurts.”

Blurts are the rotten terrible things that your subconscious mind spews out at you every chance it gets. The idea is to leverage these inner demons by forming an inner dialogue with them that helps you get past your mental clutter and negativity.

Here’s a fun way to think about it: Remember in the old cartoons, they had a demon on one of the character’s shoulders and an angel on the other? Well your blurts are the demon and your affirmations are the angel. Now just play the part of YOU.

Let’s start with a blurt that is running in your mind: “I am going to be alone forever.”

Your affirmation rebukes that with, “Actually, I am going to find the right person to share my life with.”

Now your blurt will come back with: “Oh yeah, and when is that going to happen, 50 years from now?”

To which you say, “I’m not sure, but I feel confident that the right person will find me.”

“Well, what makes you so confident?” says the blurt again.

“Because I am a wonderful, loving person and have a lot to offer,” says the affirmation.

To which your blurt responds, “Oh really? Well, why hasn’t’ it happened already if you’re so great?”

And you reply with, “Well, everything in life comes at the right time.”

You may be chuckling, but I promise you this much, if you just commit to doing this (and it may help to actually write it out) you will be engaged in your own inner thoughts as you are “cleaning house,” and you will understand yourself and the root of your negativity far more deeply.

That is when you start to master peace over chaos in your mind – the beginnings of that internal simplicity.

3. Run your thoughts through three key filters.

Sometimes you are in a hurry, and not having a great day to boot. On days like this, there’s a mental decluttering exercise I use that’s super quick and keeps you in check…

I’ve been in arguments with my husband in the past and one of the things I regret is not filtering my words before saying them. At the time, I did not have the right tools, except “Be nice!”, which does nothing for you when you are feeling the opposite of nice. Some years later, I ran across this simple trick and it helped me shift my behavior. Here’s how it works:

Before you utter anything, run your thoughts through three key filters and don’t speak unless you get three resounding YES responses:

Is it true?
Is it kind?
Is it helpful?
For example, let’s say a running thought in your head says that your partner doesn’t care about you, and you are about to shout those words out because he or she didn’t do the last chore you requested. Question that thought first: Is it true that my partner doesn’t care about me? Is it kind for me to say or think this? Is it helpful for me to say or think this?

Remember you can’t take your words back. What’s more, you will never regret behaving in a true, kind and helpful way down the road. So get in the habit of applying your three key filters.

4. Treat yourself the way you would treat your best friend.

We’ve all heard the expression “Treat others as you would treat yourself,” but do you see the irony of it? As I grew older, and became more aware of my thoughts and stories, I realized that I hardly ever treat others as I treat myself. I actually treat others much nicer, much kinder and way better all around. Yet I manage to treat myself with so much anger, harshness and impatience, and I know I’m not the only one.

When was the last time you said something loving to yourself? When was the last time you held your own hand and hugged yourself just for trying?

Poor self-treatment has become an epidemic, often confused with self-discipline and the drive for success, and it is hurting us far more than it’s helping.

Here’s the truth: You can be both driven and kind, self-disciplined and gentle, successful and happy.

The mental decluttering exercise here is to turn around the statement: Treat yourself the way you treat someone you love. Pick a beloved person or a best friend. How do you treat them? Are you kind, thoughtful, generous, forgiving, and compassionate with them? Now do the same for yourself. After all, are you not worthy of the same treatment, if not better? Of course you are!

5. Simplify, simplify, and then simplify some more.

The easiest yet most challenging decluttering exercise is to think from a place of simplifying. When you have no idea how to tackle the mental clutter, the troubling thoughts or just the general sense of overwhelm, step back and ask:

How do I simplify this situation?
What can I let go of without losing a thing?
Come up with at least one creative way to simplify, to take away the complexity, to make your situation easier. Maybe you take a five-minute break and come back to the problem. Maybe you let go of one unnecessary obligation. Maybe you eliminate distractions for a set time frame. Or maybe you simply decide that, for now, you will accept it the way it is and not fuss over it.

Just remember that these two questions apply to all situations and they give you the space and permission to take a step back and decide on the next best course of action.

Afterthoughts

Trust yourself in this process of simplifying. Your nature does not consist of complication and overwhelm. Your negative thoughts are not true, but they are real in your mind and questioning them helps you overcome these ingrained self-sabotaging beliefs.

At your core, you will find your essence on this journey. Your nature is peace, simplicity and love. You may be far removed from that state now but you are just getting back to where you really belong, so stay with the right questions and the right answers will gradually show up.

It’s all about uncomplicating your life, one thought at a time.

(MARCANDANGEL).

5 Things to Remember When You’re Stuck and Desperate for a Change

1. Meaningful daily reminders make growth and positive change easier.

You can post meaningful quotes on your bedroom wall, or find a coffee, a mug that has a motivational message on it (It could read “Every Day a Miracle is Born”). But you can also take it a step further than that too.

Few good things come easy, and when the going gets tough we often take the easy way out – even though the easy way takes us the wrong way.

Think of moments when you are most likely to give in to impulses that keep you stuck and take you farther away from your ultimate goals. Then use visual reminders of those goals to interrupt the impulse and rebuild the momentum that keeps you on the right track.

2. The space between the things you do is just as important as the things you do.

Pausing for a brief second to end the chaos and busyness can save your life by winning you back precious time and peace of mind. Pausing can also provide you with a break in the habitual action, so you can begin again in a new direction when needed. But you have to leave enough space in your schedule to do so.

It’s tempting to fill in every waking minute of the day with busyness. Don’t do this to yourself. Leave space.

Leave a little space between every one of your commitments. Take a break to breathe and meditate, take a short walk outside, drink a glass of water, or perhaps do some simple deep stretching exercises. Appreciate the space, and just be.

Your ultimate goal is living a life uncluttered by most of the distractions people fill their lives with, leaving you with space for what truly matters. A life that isn’t constant busyness, rushing, and resistance, but instead mindful contemplation, creation and connection with people and projects you truly love.

3. Journaling is a priceless tool for self-reflection and self-improvement.

J.K. Rowling keeps a journal. Eminem keeps a journal. Oprah keeps a journal.

Successful people – those who consistently make positive changes in their life – track their progress, set goals, reflect, and learn from their mistakes. And they often use some kind of journal to accomplish this.

If you want to get somewhere in life, you need a map, and your journal is that map. You can write down what you did today, what you tried to accomplish, where you made mistakes, and so forth. It’s a place to reflect. It’s a place to capture important thoughts. It’s a place to be able to track where you’ve been and where you intend to go. It’s one of the most underused, yet incredibly effective tools available to the masses.

Set aside 15 minutes a day to think and write.

To this day, I still journal almost every morning. And reviewing my notes at the end of the day/week/month always helps me feel positive about all the opportunities still out there for me to explore and achieve.

4. The wrong relationships pull you back – the right ones push you forward.

When you’re moving through a sizeable life transition, it’s important to have close family and friends around you that can offer their support and understanding. There’s no room for needless negativity. It’s like the transition phase in labor – that last phase before a woman gives birth to a new life. She can’t possibly stop to take on other people’s problems or feel guilty about not returning text messages. She needs to protect her thoughts, her time, and her energy.

This same principle applies to you. If you find that you have a toxic, draining relationship that’s constantly bringing you down and keeping you stuck, let them go for a while. They may not be an inherently bad person, but they’re not the right person to be spending time with every day.

Remember, not all toxic relationships are agonizing and uncaring on purpose. Some of them involve people who care about you – people who have good intentions, but are toxic because their needs and way of existing in the world force you to compromise yourself and your happiness. And as hard as it is, we have to distance ourselves enough to give ourselves space to live.

You simply can’t ruin yourself on a daily basis for the sake of someone else. You have to make your well-being a priority. Whether that means spending less time with someone, loving a family member from a distance, letting go entirely, or temporarily removing yourself from a situation that feels painful – you have every right to leave and create some healthy space for yourself.

5. Taking consistent and realistic action every day sets you free.

All details aside, when it comes to making a substantial change in your life – earning a new degree, building a new business, fostering a new relationship, starting a family, becoming more mindful, or any other personal journey that takes time and commitment – one thing you have to ask yourself is:

“Am I willing to spend a little time every day like many people won’t, so I can spend the better part of my life like many people can’t?”

Think about it. We ultimately become what we repeatedly do. The acquisition of knowledge doesn’t mean you’re growing – growing happens when what you know changes how you live.

And remember that this change doesn’t happen all at once. It happens just one small step at a time. When it comes to making changes, less is more.

(MARCANDANGEL).

Why Chelsea Must Stick With Mourinho!

"one day in my career the bad results will come" (Jose Mourinho in 2004).

There comes a point in a man’s life when he realizes who really matters, who never did, and who always will. For all the cynical, constructive and misplaced criticisms that have trailed Jose Mourinho this season, this is perhaps the best mindset to adopt. While he is every journalist’s dream and box office all day long, he is also a cult figure who has polarized opinion since he stormed to football relevance in 2004 after winning the Champions League with F.C Porto. His ingenuity has never been in doubt, but it is his methods that have won him more foes than friends. He is clearly a man who does not suffer fools gladly. At times, he is too blunt to his own demerits and even if his fans will disagree, he stretches the bounds of self-confidence to sheer arrogance at times.

The recent travails of Jose Mourinho have no doubt excited a lot of people. Perhaps, it is true what they say, human nature always have a hidden joy to see successful people suffer a bit. However, Jose’s travails have been uncommon. From what was perceived as a blip against Swansea in the two all draw on the opening day, it has become an official crisis. In fact, the headline statistics is that this is Chelsea’s worst start to a premier league campaign. This perspective is best appreciated when you consider the fact that this is a Chelsea team that won the league at a canter only few months ago. The fall has been swift and massive and has led some to even begin to suggest a potential relegation dog-fight involving Chelsea. While this is new for the Chelsea team under the Roman Abramovich era, it is nothing strange in football. Football dynasties have come and gone, and perhaps, this is most intriguing because the man in question is a particular Jose Mourinho. The arm chair critics have adduced several reasons for Chelsea’s current debacle. The highlight of these reasons are that: The players did not have enough rest in the summer and had a poor pre-season; the scenario involving former first team doctor, Eva Carmerio on day one of the season has had a bad rub-off on the team; Ill-luck and officials judgment; Jose Mourinho has simply lost his mindas touch and the entire plot. Believe whatever you choose, there is no one reason to explain Chelsea’s appalling start to the season. However, it is not the intent of this write-up to explain the debris; rather, it goes without saying that Chelsea must stick with Mourinho through this phase.

It is a shame in football that so many of us have collective amnesia. We forget so quickly; or better put, we choose to forget so quickly. Jose Mourinho is a fantastic manager that has brought monumental and unprecedented success to Chelsea. His managerial prowess can never be put to question. While his personality leaves a lot to be desired, you can’t fight against his results. It is also worth saying that he delivered the championship to Chelsea after a five years drought. Thus, there must be some genius in this man many love to hate. As even John Terry has admitted, if anyone will get Chelsea out of this mess, it is Jose Mourinho. He has earned the right to have a bad three months, six months and even an entire bad season. Also, it is apt to state here that even the great Sir Alex Ferguson has gone through this phase before, yet he was given a vote of confidence. With the risk of sounding like a broken record, Jose Mourinho deserves more time to get it right. In addition, it is seldom to find a superb manager who is also a genuine fan of the club he manages. Jose Mourinho is one of the few. The strain and emotions he has displayed throughout this phase only points to one thing: He genuinely cares. Jose has a deep love for Chelsea football club and it is for this reason he came back to the club he departed from in 2007.

Another huge factor to consider is also the fans feeling. Week after week, game after game, in this perilous time, the fans have not hidden their love for Jose Mourinho. In victory, they chorused his name, in defeat, it is even louder. That in itself tells a story. The fans believe in Jose Mourinho, and they recognize that he is the most successful manager in the Club’s history and this is crux of the reason they know he can turn things around.

In the event that the verdict is that Jose Mourinho must be shown the door, the big question is: Who takes his place? The truth is that the options are not too numerous. Carlo Ancelotti and Guus Hiddink are the two out-of work stand-out options but Roman Abramovich’s obsession for managerial change means that these two are in the ‘has-been’ bucket and it might be unrealistic for either to do a second coming. The other stand out option is Pep Guardiola, who Bayern might not be quick to let go of. Diego Simeone has achieved great success at Atletico Madrid and he already knows Diego Costa, Thibaut Courtois and Radamel Falcao well but the Argentine does not speak a word of English and, like Mourinho, can be a loose cannon. No doubt, there are other good relatively unknown managers around that might take a shot at the plum job, but if history is anything to go by, then Chelsea owner Roman Abramovich, is not your best bet for an owner who will settle for the unfamiliar.The point also is that if Chelsea sticks with Jose Mourinho and he successfully navigates this phase, he and the club will be better for it. It is not a great reputation that a club has had about ten managers in a decade. There is such a thing as stability and it is on this basis that football dynasties are built. Same goes for Jose Mourinho who has the record of not being in a club for more than three years. Having conquered Europe, one will think it is time for him to build a football empire of some sort.

This is clearly not the best of times at Stamford Bridge and it remains to be seen if Roman Abramovich has learnt anything in footballing patience to stick with Mourinho in his darkest hour. Whatever the outcome, Jose Mourinho, Steve Holland, Silvino Loura, Rui Faria and Christophe Lollichon will go down in the records as a sublime coaching crew.

Poetry: Through It All, Still Friends!

They say some men are born great, some achieve greatness, while some have greatness thrust upon them
For you all we celebrate today, you are a rare combination of all three

You will always be a part of our hearts
It is a truism that flattery cannot strip of its essence
You have left indelible marks
Landmarks that time cannot defile
You have given of yourself; shed a part of you into our lives
This truth no one can alter
You have been our leaders
Exquisite leaders, leaders that have inspired leaders that truly care
You have been a part of our lives, a crux of our existence.

We celebrate you all

We celebrate T.A
Our thermostatic leader
Your sublime panache
Your flourishing poise
Your friendly demeanor
Your faultless humour
In sum, our leader per excellence

We celebrate A.A
Your spotless humility
Your uncommon carriage
Your imperious style
Your trademark voice
Your soothing listening ear
Thank you for whom you have been to us

We celebrate K.O
Your blunt friendliness
Your rare calmness
Your uncanny wisdom
Your mindas touch
In sum, a leader with whom there is no lacuna for mediocrity
Thank you for all you represent

And when all is said and done
When work gives way to the fullness of age
When the chips are down
When memory fails us
When push comes to shove
Always remember, we will still be friends!
Our bound shall grow tighter
Our fondness shall linger
Our relationship shall never flounder
And you shall always remain in our minds.


And on days like this, we curse the word goodbye. We know it means no harm, but we are broken by its reality. It gives you people that makes your world lighter, better and stronger and suddenly, it takes them away to diverse parts. But in our case, it was fair enough, to give us another alos paracletus!

And while words might not be enough
While our eulogies might be fleeting, our hearts revere you all today and for all times
And when the rhetorics fade away
The point remains that you all by the way you have led your life, have improved our lives
Always know that we will still be friends, friends forever.
Thank you all for all you have been to us and thank you for all you will yet be to us.
Thank you!

Poem written and recited on the send-forth dinner of my MD, Mentor and Friend!

16 Reasons Why Men Can't Win

If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race, you're a male chauvinist. If you stay home and do the housework, you're a pansy.

If you get a promotion ahead of her, that is favoritism. If she gets a job ahead of you, it's equal opportunity.

If you work too hard, there is never any time for her. If you don't work enough, you're a good-for-nothing bum.

If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay, this is exploitation. If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay, you should get off your ass and find something better.

If you shout on her, you are a miserable sexist, if she shouts on you, she is speaking up.

If you mention how nice she looks, it's sexual harassment. If you keep quiet, it's male indifference.

If you cry, you're a wimp. If you don't, you're an insensitive bastard.

If you come home late, you must be cheating, If she comes home late, she must be over-worked.

If you make a decision without consulting her, you're a chauvinist. If she makes a decision without consulting you, she's a liberated woman.

If you ask her to do something she doesn't enjoy, that's domination. If she asks you, it's a favor.

If you like a woman to shave her legs and keep in shape, you're a sexist pig. If you don't, you're unromantic.

If you try to keep yourself in shape, you're vain. If you don't, you're a slob.

If you buy her flowers, you're after something. If you don't, you're not thoughtful.

If you're proud of your achievements, you're up on yourself. If you don't, you're not ambitious.

If you're totally beat after a hard day, you don't give a damn about other people's needs. If she's totally beat after a hard day, she's tired.

If you want it too often, you're oversexed. If you don't, there must be "someone else".

Hilarious right...hehe

Adapted by Samuel Okonkwo.

10 Challenges To Enhance Growth

1. Use words that encourage happiness. – Typically, when I ask someone “How are you?” they reply, “I’m fine” or “I’m okay.” But one lazy Monday afternoon last month a new colleague of mine replied, “Oh, I am fabulous!” It made me smile, so I asked him what was making him feel so fabulous and he said, “I’m healthy, my family is healthy, and we live in a free country. So I don’t have any reason not to be happy.” The difference was simply his attitude and his choice of words. He wasn’t necessarily any better off than anyone else, but he seemed twenty times happier. Spend the next 30 days using words that encourage a smile.

2. Try one new thing every day. – Variety truly is the spice of life. You can see or do something a million times, but you can only see or do it for the first time once. As a result, first time experiences often leave reflective marks in our minds for the rest of our lives. Make an effort to try something new every day for the next 30 days. It can be a whole new activity or just a small experience, such as talking to a stranger. Once you get the ball rolling many of these new experiences will open doors to life changing opportunities.

3. Perform one selfless act every day. – In life, you get what you put in. When you make a positive impact in someone else’s life, you also make a positive impact in your own life. Do something that’s greater than you, something that helps someone else be happy or suffer less. I promise, it will be an extremely rewarding experience. One you’ll likely remember forever.

4. Learn and practice one new skill every day. – Self-reliance is a vital key to living a healthy, productive life. To be self-reliant one must master a basic set of skills, more or less making them a jack of all trades. Contrary to what you may have learned in school, a jack of all trades is far more equipped to deal with life than a specialized master of only one. And besides, learning new skills is fun.

5. Teach someone something new every day. – We all have natural strengths and talents that can dramatically help those around us. What comes easy for you is no doubt challenging for others. We tend to take these gifts for granted, often hardly noticing what we have to offer, and thus we rarely share them with others. Inner happiness and zeal come from using these inherent gifts on a routine basis. What do people thank you for? What do people routinely ask for your help with? Most people’s passions and talents help others in one way or another. Perhaps for you it’s painting, teaching math, cooking a good meal or leading an exercise class. For the next 30 days devote some time each day to sharing your talents and expertise.

6. Dedicate an hour a day to something you’re passionate about. – Take part in something you passionately believe in. This could be anything. Some people take an active role in their city council, some find refuge in religious faith, some join social clubs supporting causes they believe in and others find passion in their hobbies. In each case the psychological outcome is the same. They engage themselves in something they strongly believe in. This engagement brings happiness and meaning into their lives.

7. Treat everyone nicely, even those who are rude to you. – Being nice to someone you dislike doesn’t mean you’re fake. It means you’re mature enough to control your emotions. Treat everyone with kindness and respect, even those who are rude to you – not because they’re nice, but because you are. Do this for 30 days and I guarantee you’ll see the rudeness around you dissipate.

8. Concentrate on being positive at all times. – The real winners in life cultivate optimism. They have the ability to manufacture their own happiness and drive. No matter what the situation, the successful diva is the chick who will always find a way to put an optimistic spin on it. She knows failure only as an opportunity to grow and learn a new lesson from life. People who think optimistically see the world as a place packed with endless opportunities, especially in trying times. Try to spend the next 30 days looking at the bright side of things.

9. Address and acknowledge the lesson in inconvenient situations. – It’s important to remember that everything is a life lesson. Everyone you meet, everything you encounter, etc. They’re all part of the learning experience we call ‘life.’ Never forget to acknowledge the lesson, especially when things don’t go your way. If you don’t get a job you wanted or a relationship doesn’t work, it only means something better is out there waiting. And the lesson you just learned is the first step toward it. Over the next 30 days keep a written log of all the lessons life taught you.

10. Pay attention and enjoy your life as it happens. – When I watched the Academy Awards a few months ago I realized that most of the speeches actors and actresses make when they accept an award go something like this: “This means so much so me. My whole life has been leading up to this moment.” But the truth is, our whole lives have been leading up to every moment. Think about that for a second. Every single thing you’ve gone through in life, every high, every low and everything in between, it has led you to this moment right now. Ask yourself this: How much of life are you actually living? If you’re like most people, the answer is likely: “Not enough.” The key is to concentrate on a little less on doing and a little more on being. Remember, right now is the only moment guaranteed to you. Right now is life.

(MARCANDANGEL).

11 Free Books and Reading Sites You Should Visit

http://www.librarything.com/zeitgeist – LibraryThing connects you to other people who are reading what you’re reading and allows you to see which books are popular in various categories of reading.

http://www.textbookrevolution.org/index.php/Book:Lists/Subjects – Links to free online textbooks and other educational materials.

http://www.booktv.org – This is the companion site to Book TV on C-Span2. The site holds some current interviews with authors, many past interviews, opinions, reviews, and featured programs through online video.

http://bookboon.com/us/textbooks – Bookboon provides online textbooks for students in PDF format. The free ebooks can be downloaded without registration. Our books are legal and written exclusively for Bookboon. They are financed by a few in-book ads.

http://www.scribd.com – Scribd, the online document sharing site which supports Word, Excel, PowerPoint, PDF and other popular formats. You can download a document or embed it in your blog or web page.

http://www.bookyards.com – BookYards is a web portal in which books, education materials, information, and content will be freely to anyone who has an internet connection.

http://www.planetebook.com – Free classic literature to download and share.

http://www.e-booksdirectory.com – Thousands of ebooks on various subjects to download and share.

http://www.readprint.com – Free online books library for students, teachers, and the classic enthusiast.

http://publicliterature.org – Thousands of familiar classics, children’s books, plays and poems, as well as books by new authors.

http://personalmba.com/best-business-books – MBA programs don’t have a monopoly on advanced business knowledge: you can teach yourself everything you need to know to succeed in life and at work. The Personal MBA features the very best business books available, based on thousands of hours of research.

(MARCANDANGEL).