7 Assumptions We Need to Stop Making About Other People

1. We need to stop assuming that the happiest people are simply the ones who smile the most. – Behind the polite smiles and greetings people give you, some are hurting and lonely. Don’t just come and go. See them. Care. Share. Listen. Love. We can’t always see people’s pain, but they can always feel our kindness. So be kinder than necessary.

2. We need to stop assuming that the people we love and respect won’t disappoint us. – When we expect perfection we tend to overlook goodness. And the truth is, no one is perfect. At times, the confident lose confidence, the patient misplace their patience, the generous act selfish, and the informed second-guess what they know. It happens to all of us too. We make mistakes, we lose our tempers, and we get caught off guard. We stumble, we slip, and we fall sometimes. But that’s the worst of it… we have our moments. Most of the time we’re pretty darn good, despite our flaws. So treat the people you love accordingly—give them the space to be human.

3. We need to stop assuming that the people who are doing things differently are doing things wrong. – We all take different roads seeking fulfillment, joy, and success. Just because someone isn’t on your road, doesn’t mean they are lost.

4. We need to stop assuming that the people we disagree with don’t deserve our compassion and kindness. – The exact opposite is true. The way we treat people we strongly disagree with is a report card on what we’ve learned about love, compassion, kindness and humility.

5. We need to stop assuming that we can’t trust people we don’t know. – Some people build too many walls in their lives and not enough bridges. Don’t be one of them. Open yourself up. Take small chances on people. Let them prove your doubts wrong, gradually, over time.

6. We need to stop assuming that the rude people of the world are personally targeting us. – We can’t take things too personally, even if it seems personal. Rarely do people do things because of us. They do things because of them. And there is a huge amount of freedom that comes to us when we detach from other people’s behaviors. So just remember, the way others treat you is their problem, how you react is yours.

7. We need to stop assuming that other people are our reason for being unhappy, unsuccessful, etc. – We may not be able control all the things people say and do to us, but we can decide not to be reduced by them. We can choose to forgive, or we can choose to forget. We can choose to stay, or we can choose to go. We can choose whatever helps us grow. There’s always a positive choice to make. Thus, the only real, lasting conflict you will ever have in your life won’t be with others, but with yourself… and how you choose to respond… and the daily rituals you choose to follow.

(MARCANDANGEL).

You Don't Always Have All The Answers

They say if you live long enough you will discover that life is truly an unending stream of learning, and that none of us, no matter how well put together, is the finished article.

A big part of growing up is the full realization that we all have to be circumspect in our dealings, and always leave room for us to be wrong. We must realize that our way is not the only way, and nobody made us the judge of public opinion. Hence, there is a need to desist from trying to superimpose our opinions on others, there is a need to always seek to hear the full story, and there is the extant need to comprehend that it is not in our place to judge anyone irrespective of what the rest of the world thinks. We live in an age where data is cheap with smartphones viral. This dual combination has translated to everyone as Senior Advocate of Common Sense and Lords of the Public Opinion realms. There is a knack by many to want to sound smart, the uncanny desire by many to proof a point and to come out of a keypad argument unscathed; almost as if their livelihood stems from this. 

To know but choose to be silent when you realize that it is pointless sharing is pure wisdom. To give another several benefits of the doubt understanding that just maybe there is an underlying reason to their actions is the hallmark of maturity. To resist the urge to want to critique when that seems like the most plausible thing to do is leadership. To allow yourself to be wrong and admit same is what it means to have 'grown balls.' To have a conversation with the sole intent to understand as opposed to the need to share is a show of communication strength. To ditch your standpoint for a superior argument and canvass the cause of that superior knowledge is true growth. Life will always teach us that we don't have all the answers, and that is fine.

7 Powerful Reminders to Focus on What Matters

1. The quality of your life in the long run directly depends upon how you set and respect your priorities today.

2. At times, you have to say “no” to good things to be able to say “yes” to important things. You can’t do it all. Be mindful and choose wisely.

3. “I don’t have time,” is really just another, perhaps politer, or perhaps naive, way of saying, “It is not that important to me.”

4. Don’t waste your time and energy fighting against where you are. Invest your time and energy into getting to where you want to go. And even if you have a good reason to be upset and resentful, let it go. Channel your energy into thoughts and actions that actually benefit your life right now. 

5. Be present with what matters most. There are few joys in life that equal a good conversation, a good story, a good laugh, a good hug, or a good friend.

6. Overcommitting is the biggest mistake most people make against living a happier, simpler life. It’s tempting to fill in every waking minute of the day with to-do list tasks or distractions. Don’t do this to yourself. Leave space.

7. You should sit quietly for fifteen minutes today to gather your thoughts and review your priorities, unless you’re too busy, in which case you should sit for an hour. Remember this. The world is as you are inside.

(MARCANDANGEL).

5 Things I Hope You Remember On Your Bad Days

That we all have bad days. Days when we are not up for it, when our our spirit sag, when our strength fail us and when our self esteem wallow in the gutters. Somedays we are the hammer, some days we are the nail. Wisdom is to take it all in your stride. Don't let your head deceive you that you are in the mess alone. Life is fair in some matters and it does give everyone his own measure of bad days. On days like this, remember why you started, envisage the end and remind yourself that we are all in this together.

That there is a purpose to the drama, and there must be a lesson in the chaos. Bad days always come to teach us something. Listen for the subtle lessons and be watchful for the finest nuggets. Pain always come to teach us something. Beyond the negativity, there is something in it for you. Your bad days would have been a shame if you learnt nothing from them.

That we are suppose to 'become' by what we go through and that the bad days would have been wasted if it doesn't change us. One of the greatest things that should happen to us with any of life's experiences is what we become by that experience. Your bad days should change you for the better. It should teach you things about yourself, it should keep you circumspect and it should truly make you a better person.

That you cut people some slack and never take it personal. On our bad days, we are often on the edge. So edgy that it only takes a twinge to set us ablaze. On our bad days, we want others to cut us some slack. It is this same slack that we must give others on their bad days. Don't take it personal because it's never personal. One of life's most liberating lesson is to understand that people ultimately do things for and because of themselves, not because of you. Whatever you do, never forget this.

That you will ultimately be fine. It doesn't matter how severe your grief is today, it doesn't matter how deep your pain cut, it doesn't how loud you wail now. See, you will be fine when all is said and done. It is a cliche but it is also a truism that tough times never last, tough people do. So, chin up, wear your zing on your sleeves, set the spring in your steps, walk upright, return the smile to your face and recreate your hope. You will be fine in the final analysis; don't let the bad days fool you.

7 Hard Things You Should Start Doing for Others

1. Start being a source of sincere support.

The closest thing to being cared for is to care for others. We are all in this together and we should treat each other as such. The very demons that torment each of us, torment others all over the world. It is our challenges and troubles that connect us at the deepest level.

If you think about the people who have had the greatest positive effect on your life—the ones who truly made a difference—you will likely realize that they aren’t the ones that tried to give you all the answers or solve all your problems. They’re the ones who sat silently with you when you needed a moment to think, who lent you a shoulder when you needed to cry, and who tolerated not having all the answers, but stood beside you anyway. Be this person for those around you every chance you get.

2. Start giving people your undivided attention.

There is greatness and beauty in making time, especially when it’s inconvenient, for the sake of someone nearby.

You don’t have to tell people that you care, just show them. In your relationships and interactions with others, nothing you can give is more appreciated than your sincere, focused attention. Being with someone, listening without a clock and without anticipation of results is the ultimate compliment. It is indeed the most valued gesture you can make to another human being.

When we pay attention to each other we breathe new life into each other. With frequent attention and affection our relationships flourish, and we as individuals grow wiser and stronger. We help heal each other’s wounds and support each other’s growth. So give someone the gift of YOU—your time, undivided attention and kindness. That’s better than any other gift, it won’t break or get lost, and will always be remembered.

3. Start respecting and supporting people who are different than you.

Life’s greatest privilege is to become who you truly are. You have to dare to be yourself, one hundred percent, however anxious or odd that self may prove to be. The people who support you in doing so are extraordinary. Appreciate these people and their kindness, and pay it forward when you’re able.

Never bully someone into silence. Never victimize others for being different. Accept no one’s close-minded definition of another person. Let people define themselves. You have the ability to show people how awesome they are, just the way they are. So act on this ability without hesitation; and don’t forget to show yourself the same courtesy.

4. Start being willing to be wrong.

The mind is like a parachute; it doesn’t work when it’s closed.

It’s okay to disagree with the thoughts or opinions expressed by others. But that doesn’t give you the right to immediately reject any sense they might make. Nor does it give you a right to accuse someone of poorly expressing their beliefs just because you don’t like what they are thinking and saying. Learn to recognize the beauty of different ideas and perspectives, even if it means overcoming your pride and opening your mind beyond what is comfortable.

Healthy relationships and human interactions are not a power struggle. Be willing to be wrong, while simultaneously exploring your truth.

5. Start giving recognition and praise for the little things.

A brave, extraordinary soul recognizes the strength of others. Give genuine praise whenever possible. Doing so is a mighty act of service. Start noticing what you like about others and speak up. Having an appreciation for how amazing the people around you are is extremely rewarding. It’s an investment in them that doesn’t cost you a thing, and the returns can be astounding. Not only will they feel empowered, but also what goes around comes around, and sooner or later the people you’re cheering for will start cheering for you too.

Also, be sure to follow this rule: “Praise in public, penalize in private.” Never publicly ridicule someone when you have the option not to. If you don’t understand someone, ask questions. If you don’t agree with them, tell them. But don’t judge them behind their back to everyone else.

6. Start giving people the space to save face.

What others say and do is often based entirely on their own self-reflection. When someone who is angry and upset speaks to you, and you nevertheless remain very present and continue to treat them with kindness and respect, you place yourself in a position of great power. You become a means for the situation to be graciously diffused and healed.

A spiritual teacher once told me, “When somebody backs themselves into a corner, look the other way until they get themselves out; and then act as though it never happened.” Allowing people to save face in this way, and not reminding them of what they already know is not their most intelligent behavior, is an act of great kindness. This is possible when we realize that people behave in such ways because they are in a place of great suffering. People react to their own thoughts and feelings and their behavior often has nothing directly to do with you.

7. Start being a bit more gentle.

Be gentle and compassionate with those around you. Mother Nature opens millions of flowers every day without forcing the buds. Let this be a reminder not to be forceful with those around you, but to simply give them enough light and love, and an opportunity to grow naturally.

Ultimately, how far you go in life depends on your willingness to be helpful to the young, respectful to the aged, tender with the hurt, supportive of the striving, and tolerant of those who are weaker or stronger than the majority. Because we wear many hats throughout the course of our lives, and at some point in your life you will realize you have been all of these people.

(MARCANDANGEL).

5 Hard Questions that Can Save a Life

1. Are you focusing on what’s truly important?
At every moment, millions of little things compete for your attention. All these things fall into one of two categories: things that are important and things that are not.

People never get more done by blindly working more hours on everything that comes up. Instead, they get more done when they follow careful plans that measure and track key priorities and milestones. So if you want to be more successful and less stressed, don’t ask how to make something more efficient until you’ve first asked, “Do I need to do this at all?”

Simply being able to do something well does not make it the right thing to do. I think this is one of the most common problems with a lot of time-management advice; too often productivity gurus focus on how to do things quickly, but the vast majority of things people do quickly should not be done at all.

2. Are you focusing more on problems or solutions?
Where your mind goes, energy flows. Which area of your life do you tend to focus on: what you have or what’s missing from your life?

I’m sure you think about both sides of this equation. But if you scrutinize your habitual thoughts, what do you tend to spend more time dwelling on? The positives or the negatives?

Rather than focusing on what you don’t have and begrudging those who are better off than you, perhaps you should acknowledge that you have lots to be grateful for. Developing a habit of appreciating what you have can create a new level of emotional well-being and strength. But the real question is: do you take time to feel deeply grateful with your mind, body, heart and soul? That’s where the energy to take positive action comes from.

So don’t let negativity and drama get the best of you. Your brain is a radio transmitter. It broadcasts thoughts, directions and vibrations into your life—you get to choose the station it’s tuned to. Happy, successful people understand this and tune out negativity to make room for positivity. Be wise enough to follow in their footsteps. Walk away from the nonsense around you. Focus on the positives, and soon the negatives will be harder to see.

Also, along these same lines, accept the fact that there’s a lot you can’t control. And if you focus on what you can’t control, you’ll do nothing but create more stress for yourself. So remember, you can influence many aspects of your life but you can’t control them entirely. Once you fully accept and adopt this pattern of thinking, another important question must be asked:

3. What meaning are you assigning to your challenges?
Even when we’re being positive, we all have challenges; there’s no escaping that. But how you feel about your life has little to do with the events in it or what has (or hasn’t) happened to you. The meaning you assign to these things controls the quality of your life. Most of the time, however, you may be unaware of the effect of your unconscious mind in assigning meaning to life’s events. So check-in with yourself…

When something happens that disrupts your life (an illness, an injury, a job loss, etc.), do you tend to think that this is the end or the beginning?
If someone confronts you, is that person insulting you, coaching you or trying to care for you?
Does a big problem mean that God is punishing you or challenging you? Or is it possible that this problem isn’t really a problem at all, but an opportunity?
Bottom line: When something negative happens, view this circumstance as a chance to learn something you didn’t know. Don’t wish it never happened. Don’t try to step back in time. Take the lessons learned and step forward. You have to tell yourself, “It’s OK. I’m doing OK.” You need to know that it’s better to cross new lines and suffer the consequences of a lesson learned from time to time, than to just stare at the lines for the rest of your life and always wonder.

Also keep in mind that the past, even when troubled, is invaluable to your present. It provides a solid foundation for everything you’re doing now. Learn from it—the mistakes and the successes—and then let it go. This process might seem easier said than done, but it depends on your focus. The past is just training; it doesn’t define you in this moment. Think about what went wrong, but only in terms of how it will help you make things right.

When we shift our habitual focus and meanings, there’s no limit on what life can become. A change of focus and a shift in meaning can literally alter our biochemistry and the trajectory of our lives in a couple minutes flat.

So take control and always remember: Meaning equals emotion and emotion equals power. Choose wisely. Find an empowering meaning in any event, and best will always be yours for the taking.

And that leads right in to the next question…

4. What will you do next to make progress?
While everyone else is talking about it, successful people are quietly doing it.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: It doesn’t matter if you have a genius IQ and a PhD in Quantum Physics, you can’t change anything or make any sort of real-world progress without taking action. There’s a huge difference between knowing how to do something and actually doing it. Knowledge and intelligence are both useless without action. It’s as simple as that.

Successful people know that a good plan executed today is better than a perfect plan executed someday. They don’t wait for the “right time” or the “right day” or the “right (impossible) circumstances”, because they know these reactions are based on a fear and nothing more. They take action here and now, today—because that’s where real progress happens.

5. What tangible reminders do you need to see to stay motivated?
You want to lose weight, but when you’re tired, it’s easy to rationalize that you’ll start exercising and eating right tomorrow. You want to build a more profitable business, but when you’re caught up in the daily grind, it’s easy to just do what’s familiar instead of what’s required for growth. You want to nurture your closest relationships, but when you’re busy, it’s easy to rationalize that you really need to work on that client proposal instead.

Few good things come easy, and when the going gets tough we often take the easy way out—even though the easy way takes us the wrong way.

To combat this, many of the happiest and most successful people we know create tangible reminders that pull them back from the brink of their weak impulses. A friend of ours who has paid off almost $100K of debt in the past five years has a copy of his credit card balance taped to his computer monitor; it serves as a constant reminder of the debt he wants to pay off. Another friend keeps a photo of herself when she was 90 pounds heavier on her refrigerator as a reminder of the person she never wants to be again. And another fills his desk with family photos, both because he loves looking at them and because, when work gets really tough, these photos remind him of the people he is ultimately working for.

Think of moments when you are most likely to give in to impulses that take you farther away from your ultimate goals. Then use tangible reminders of those goals to interrupt the impulse and keep you on track.

(MARCANDANGEL).

This is Nigeria...Part 1

Welcome to Nigeria; where masking the truth for political correctness is an art form. Afterall, the truth is subjective and could be a figment of someone else's imagination. There is no point saying it as it is because that has never taken anyone far.

Welcome to Nigeria; where the ruling class reign supreme in their luxury-plated lives with only the social media pangs of their subjects to deal with. The ruling class are emblematic of our national treasure and we all must do everything within and outside our power to ensure they have no worries.

Welcome to Nigeria, where any slightest criticism on the government of the day is synonymous with hate speech, inciting the already heated polity and an affront to the great work of the 'powers that be.' The government of the day must be shielded from any from of public vitriolic. Instead, it behoove on us all to ensure there are adequate praise singers around them. The task of leadership is already a onerous one. There is no need to complicate it with your bastardised input.

Welcome to Nigeria, where everything is politics and politics is everything. In this turf, our human reasoning is shrouded with deep political linings. No one holds an opinion without picking sides. Whatever the content of our conversation, it is nuanced with political affiliations. Indeed, all thoughts are political.

Welcome to Nigeria, where the social contract between the people and the government is ill visited. The trust system is so solid that we find no need to review performance. Afterall, a scorecard assessment is a waste of time with so much more sacrosanct things to do. We will rather give politicians four more years to complete their eight year cycle. It is turn by turn. Everyone will eat. It is just important that we let those whose turn it is to eat have a full, balanced and holistic meal. Patience is key.