10 Uncomfortable Things You Need to Start Doing for Yourself in 2020

1. Challenge your understandings and certainties. – Warren Buffett once said, “What the human being is best at doing is interpreting all new information so that their prior conclusions remain intact.” This is a tragedy, this kind of thinking. Don’t do it to yourself. Don’t just look for data that confirms what you already know. Be willing to be wrong in 2020. Be willing to learn in 2020. Be mindful, humble and teachable every step of the way. There’s always room for a new idea, a new perspective . . . a new beginning. Life changes every second, and so can you. Find ways to provide a healthy challenge to your current understandings of life, and you will discover and experience far more of life’s magic in the year ahead.

2. Build up your confidence and your progress, one day at a time. — Start each day of 2020 with the truth: It’s not too late. You aren’t behind. You’re where you need to be. Every day and step is necessary. Don’t judge yourself for how long your journey is taking. We all need our own time to travel our own distance. Give yourself credit, and then take the next step. The present moment is always the beginning of anything you want. Yet too often we waste our time waiting for the ideal path to appear. But it never does because we forget that paths are made by walking, not waiting. And no, you shouldn’t feel more confident before you take the next step. Taking the next step is what builds your confidence and ultimately moves your life forward.

3. Track how you invest your energy and make productive shifts. – To attract better outcomes in life, you have to become better on the inside. Again, you can’t do the same things and expect change. You can’t blame someone else. Take full responsibility for the next step. Start transforming your mindset. Start upgrading your habits. Your life is 90% your choice! Seriously, don’t settle! Don’t exchange what you want most for what’s easiest at the moment. Study your agendas and routines closely. Figure out where your time goes, and remove needless distractions. It’s time to focus on what really matters.

4. Work diligently and consistently on meaningful goals. – When you focus your heart and mind upon a purpose, and commit yourself to fulfill that purpose through small daily steps, positive energy floods into your life. Sadly, many of us miss the mark. A few years ago when the Guardian asked a hospice nurse, Bronnie Ware, about The Top Five Regrets of the Dying, one of the most common regrets she noticed was that people regretted not being true to their goals. In fact, she said that most of the people she cared for admitted to not honoring even half of the goals that were meaningful to them, and so they ended up dying with regrets. Let this be your wake-up call! Good health brings a level of freedom and opportunity very few of us realize until we no longer have it. As they say, there are seven days in the week and “someday” isn’t one of them.

5. Do the hard things. – Lose the expectation that everything in life should be easier. There are rarely shortcuts to any place worth going. Enjoy the challenge of your achievements. See the value in your efforts and be patient with yourself. And realize that patience is not just about waiting, it’s the ability to keep a good attitude while working hard on your important goals. It’s knowing deep down that doing the hard things is worth it. Why? Because those are the things that ultimately define you. Those are the things that make the difference between existing and living—between knowing the path and walking the path—between a life of mediocrity and a life filled with progress and fulfillment.

6. Study your mistakes closely and learn from them. – Disappointments and failure are two of the surest stepping-stones to the places you want to go. Again, don’t let a hard lesson harden your heart. When things go wrong, learn what you can and then push the heartbreak aside by refocusing your energy on the present step. Remember that life’s best lessons are often learned at the worst times and from the worst mistakes. We must fail in order to know, and hurt in order to grow. Good things often fall apart so better things can fall together in their place. And what’s better already is the more informed step you’re able to take right now.

7. Choose a positive and effective response. – Happiness doesn’t start with a relationship, a vacation, a job or money. It starts with you. If you want life to be happier, you need to be mindful of your present response. It’s how you deal with stress in each little moment that determines how well you achieve happiness in the end.

8. Directly confront the thoughts that worry you. – A tiny part of your life is decided by completely uncontrollable circumstances, while the vast majority of your life is decided by how you respond to them. Whenever our Getting Back to Happy course students and Think Better, Live Better conference attendees come to us feeling down about a life situation they can’t control, we typically start by reinforcing the hard truth: sometimes changing your situation isn’t possible—or simply not possible soon enough. But you CAN always choose a mindset that moves you forward. And doing so will help you change things from the inside out, and ultimately allow you to grow beyond the struggles you can’t control at any given moment. Here’s a powerful question that will support you with an attitude adjustment when you need it most: Who would you be, and what else would you see, if you removed the thought that’s worrying you?

9. Learn to be more present again. – Don’t avoid eye contact. Don’t hide behind gadgets. Smile often. Ask about people’s stories. Listen. You can’t connect with anyone, including yourself, unless you are undistracted and present. And you can’t be either of the two when you’re Facebooking, Instagramming or Snapchatting your life away on your smartphone. You just can’t! If you are constantly attached to your smartphone and only listening with your ears as your eyes check for the next social update, you are ripping yourself off of actually experiencing real relationships and real life. The same is true for texting too. Yes, someday you will be slapped with the reality of a missed MEMORY being far more unsettling than a missed TEXT!

10. Be strict about making time for the right people. – At some point, when it comes to relationships, you’ll just want to be around the few people who make you smile for all the right reasons. So be intentional about spending more quality time with those who help you love yourself more. And remember that nothing you can give them will ever be more appreciated than your sincere, focused attention—your full presence. Truly being with them, and listening without a clock and without anticipation of the next event, is the highest form of compliment.

(MARCANDANGEL).

19 Things I Learnt In 2019

1. Live While You Wait

I have a senior friend who waited for 17 years to have a child. When the child finally arrived, she told me with tears shut in her eyes that she felt like she has wasted 17 years of her life, for she made that one problem become the center of her life, and she never fully lived because she was waiting for ‘something.’ Be sure that you are not putting your life on hold because you are waiting for that big break, that high paying job, that dream spouse. Live while you wait.

2. Seize The Little Moments

Some of Life’s biggest moments are in the little moments. We often wait for the big breaks, but every day, there are opportunities in little places and in little things that we can seize on, to shine. Volunteer. Show up. Offer help pro-bono. Constitute a mild nuisance to help. I have learnt that it is in the little moments that we are noticed, and elevated.

3. Your Choices Are Your Choices

I have come to the conclusion that irrespective of how well meaning we are for one another, each one still has to make his choices, and live with the consequences thereof. At every point, we are all making choices. It is important that we are conscious of the choices we are making. It might not always pan out right, but we must ensure it is our call always. Make your own choices.

4. Make Yourself A Priority Too

You will not always be a priority to other people. You will not always be top-of-mind for others. Hence, you must look after yourself. Give yourself ample time. Take care of your physical and mental health. Ensure that your peace of mind is never in jeopardy. I have realized that for us to be ‘there’ for others, we must first be there for ourselves.

5. Vulnerability Is A Powerful Thing

There is an inherent power in being an authentic person, and at the heart of authenticity is where being vulnerable reside. Be comfortable with your own tears. Let your humanity out. Ask for help when you don’t have the answers. No one truly has it all together, we are all learning this thing called life as we go along. Be vulnerable and be comfortable with it.

6. Be There For Others

Learning from the wisdom of the old, they often say that when all is said and done, the times we showed up for family and friends is one of those moments that makes us die easy. Show up for others; family or friends. Your epicenter should not revolve around you only. Be a force for good, confident in the knowledge that life will always owe you one; and it always pays its debts.

7. Perspective Is Everything

It is less of how something is and more of how you see that thing. You can go on a diatribe on how the odds are stacked against you and how life is unfair, but the truth is that your perspective on a situation makes all the difference. You might not have gotten that promotion you so craved, but what else do you have on that job? The breakthrough might not be here yet but look around you and see the other great things happening in your life.

8. Life Rewards Consistency

I have come to the certainty that life truly rewards consistency. You might be slaving away on a trade, plight, talent, whatever. The key is to simply keep at it. Consistency is a powerful success factor. There is an avalanche of living examples that became what they are largely due to their consistency on something. Never forget, it will pay off someday, just remain consistency and do not lose your fire.

9. Excellence Is A Personal Choice

When the epilogue is chronicled, we will come to the realization that this thing called excellence is a personal choice. It is in the little things that excellence is displayed. Be punctual. Say it right. Carry yourself with candour and grace. Seek to make that thing entrusted to your care better than you met it.

10. Keep God At The Centre

Anyone who knows me, already knows that this is a cliché for me. Every year, I come to a greater conviction on this point: It’s God over everything. Keep God at the center of it all. Give him first place in your life, and always remember that he is more interested in your success than you are.

11. Average Is Not Enough

To sum up this point, I will lift and insert the stinging words of Edmund Gaudet: ‘Average is what the failures claim to be when their family and friends ask them why they are not more successful? "Average" is the top of the bottom, the best of the worst, the bottom of the top, the worst of the best. "Average" means being run-of-the-mill, mediocre, insignificant, an also-ran, a nonentity. Being "average" is the lazy person's cop-out; it's lacking the guts to take a stand in life; it's living by default. To be "average" is to be forgotten once you pass from this life. The successful are remembered for their contributions; the failures are remembered because they tried; but the "average," the silent majority, is just forgotten.’

12. Worry Never Gets You Anywhere

Someday, you will realize that you wasted many days worrying about things that were either not going to happen, or that you had no control over. And when you come to that realization, may you have the will to say, ‘Never Again.’ Quit worrying about how everything will turn out. Put in the work and stay believing.

13. The Latent Power That Is Gratitude

To be grateful is to truly live. Gratitude is an affirmation that we haven’t earned whatever it is that we have, but that God and people have been gracious enough to let us have it. You can fault the philosophy all you want but this is one truth that I have stationed in my wheelhouse: There is power in gratitude.

14. We All Suffer Pain

Contrary to what you might assume, we all suffer pain in different shame or form. Even the Good Book did not promise a life devoid of pain or suffering, but it surely guarantees us of the ‘great’ end and that he will be with us all the way. Everyone is fighting something. Everyone is contending a personal demon; a sparring partner.

15. To Move On You Must Move On

There is great wisdom in knowing when something is over and just moving with the tide. Sometimes, moving on is a herculean task and never easy, but we must do what we have to do. Don't drag your feet. Know when it's over and just ‘move on.’

16. Beware Of Noises

There are noises that disguise as wisdom. Be discreet, be circumspect, be wise. Many of what we have today in the world are noises in different shapes and forms. Be mindful of where you seek for answers and be sure that you are not leading your life based on the opinions of others. The noises never truly count.

17. To Lead Is To Serve And Grow

This year, I had quite a number of opportunities to lead in different capacities, at different platforms. These experiences have all changed me. More than ever before, I have come to the conclusion that true leadership is to serve, and while you are at it, you grow beyond your imagination.

18. Keep The Faith

When your spirit sag and quitting seem to be the only logical route out, when your heart aches from the strains of life, when your soul is deflated and you contemplate ending it all, when life knocks you down and you conclude that you have had enough, hang in there. Stay! Whatever you do, keep the faith.

19. Be Comfortable With Starting Over

It doesn’t really matter how far you have gone on the wrong route, it doesn’t make it right. Start over if you must and be comfortable with this reality. Don’t continue to date him when you know it is not right simply because you have been in it for too long. Don’t stay in that job that kills you because you have been there for too long. Start over and be comfortable with doing so.

How Have You Fared in 2019?

It is that time of the year when scorecard is taken, books are finalized, plans are reviewed, and goals are subjected through the scrutiny of implementation. The ritual is a familiar one, yet it never goes extinct. However, the big question is: How did you fare over the past 365 days?

There is an inherent pressure that comes from that question. The subtle inclination that you might not have done enough, that you could have done more. Put in the right balance, this is the correct mindset. There are literatures that seeks to encourage you irrespective of how mediocre, stupid or insipid you might have been. While the intent of such literatures is mostly genuine, the unintended consequence of overtly enmeshing yourself in a mild falsehood; something my friend Olachi Olatunji called the ‘danger of praise’ in her TEDx speech, is that you are not challenged enough to grow. Sometimes, being offered false tenderness and foisted praise feels like the very proof that you've been ruined. We must be honest with ourselves when having a reflection on how the year has gone.

Honesty is not a license to be extremely critical, but it is required. For if we cannot behold our own nakedness, who shall we turn to? To have been average in 2019 is not enough. We must seek better. As Edmund Gaudet once said: ‘Average is what the failures claim to be when their family and friends ask them why they are not more successful? "Average" is the top of the bottom, the best of the worst, the bottom of the top, the worst of the best. Which of these are you? Being "average" is the lazy person's cop-out; it's lacking the guts to take a stand in life; it's living by default. To be "average" is to be forgotten once you pass from this life. The successful are remembered for their contributions; the failures are remembered because they tried; but the "average," the silent majority, is just forgotten.’

Yet, one thing you should always have in your wheelhouse is your power to remain grateful, irrespective of how your year has panned out. Gratefulness is a powerful thing. It helps you put things in perspective, and it is a deft reminder that you have so much to be thankful for. Nature has a way of rewarding the one who is full of gratitude. At this time of the year, count your blessings. If you can’t find any, you are not seeing clear enough. Your year might have had more holes than a Swiss cheese, but there is still a litany of things to be grateful for. More so, you have to believe that when it comes to your life, Elvis has not left the building. At this time of the year, get a list of all those that have made the journey easier, more rewarding and supportive. Send them a gift; gifts of presents, words, visits and cash. These little actions are evidences of your gratitude, and Life has a way of giving us a taste of our own medicine, in even greater measure.

7 Assumptions We Need to Stop Making About Other People

1. We need to stop assuming that the happiest people are simply the ones who smile the most. – Behind the polite smiles and greetings people give you, some are hurting and lonely. Don’t just come and go. See them. Care. Share. Listen. Love. We can’t always see people’s pain, but they can always feel our kindness. So be kinder than necessary.

2. We need to stop assuming that the people we love and respect won’t disappoint us. – When we expect perfection we tend to overlook goodness. And the truth is, no one is perfect. At times, the confident lose confidence, the patient misplace their patience, the generous act selfish, and the informed second-guess what they know. It happens to all of us too. We make mistakes, we lose our tempers, and we get caught off guard. We stumble, we slip, and we fall sometimes. But that’s the worst of it… we have our moments. Most of the time we’re pretty darn good, despite our flaws. So treat the people you love accordingly—give them the space to be human.

3. We need to stop assuming that the people who are doing things differently are doing things wrong. – We all take different roads seeking fulfillment, joy, and success. Just because someone isn’t on your road, doesn’t mean they are lost.

4. We need to stop assuming that the people we disagree with don’t deserve our compassion and kindness. – The exact opposite is true. The way we treat people we strongly disagree with is a report card on what we’ve learned about love, compassion, kindness and humility.

5. We need to stop assuming that we can’t trust people we don’t know. – Some people build too many walls in their lives and not enough bridges. Don’t be one of them. Open yourself up. Take small chances on people. Let them prove your doubts wrong, gradually, over time.

6. We need to stop assuming that the rude people of the world are personally targeting us. – We can’t take things too personally, even if it seems personal. Rarely do people do things because of us. They do things because of them. And there is a huge amount of freedom that comes to us when we detach from other people’s behaviors. So just remember, the way others treat you is their problem, how you react is yours.

7. We need to stop assuming that other people are our reason for being unhappy, unsuccessful, etc. – We may not be able control all the things people say and do to us, but we can decide not to be reduced by them. We can choose to forgive, or we can choose to forget. We can choose to stay, or we can choose to go. We can choose whatever helps us grow. There’s always a positive choice to make. Thus, the only real, lasting conflict you will ever have in your life won’t be with others, but with yourself… and how you choose to respond… and the daily rituals you choose to follow.

(MARCANDANGEL).

You Don't Always Have All The Answers

They say if you live long enough you will discover that life is truly an unending stream of learning, and that none of us, no matter how well put together, is the finished article.

A big part of growing up is the full realization that we all have to be circumspect in our dealings, and always leave room for us to be wrong. We must realize that our way is not the only way, and nobody made us the judge of public opinion. Hence, there is a need to desist from trying to superimpose our opinions on others, there is a need to always seek to hear the full story, and there is the extant need to comprehend that it is not in our place to judge anyone irrespective of what the rest of the world thinks. We live in an age where data is cheap with smartphones viral. This dual combination has translated to everyone as Senior Advocate of Common Sense and Lords of the Public Opinion realms. There is a knack by many to want to sound smart, the uncanny desire by many to proof a point and to come out of a keypad argument unscathed; almost as if their livelihood stems from this. 

To know but choose to be silent when you realize that it is pointless sharing is pure wisdom. To give another several benefits of the doubt understanding that just maybe there is an underlying reason to their actions is the hallmark of maturity. To resist the urge to want to critique when that seems like the most plausible thing to do is leadership. To allow yourself to be wrong and admit same is what it means to have 'grown balls.' To have a conversation with the sole intent to understand as opposed to the need to share is a show of communication strength. To ditch your standpoint for a superior argument and canvass the cause of that superior knowledge is true growth. Life will always teach us that we don't have all the answers, and that is fine.

7 Powerful Reminders to Focus on What Matters

1. The quality of your life in the long run directly depends upon how you set and respect your priorities today.

2. At times, you have to say “no” to good things to be able to say “yes” to important things. You can’t do it all. Be mindful and choose wisely.

3. “I don’t have time,” is really just another, perhaps politer, or perhaps naive, way of saying, “It is not that important to me.”

4. Don’t waste your time and energy fighting against where you are. Invest your time and energy into getting to where you want to go. And even if you have a good reason to be upset and resentful, let it go. Channel your energy into thoughts and actions that actually benefit your life right now. 

5. Be present with what matters most. There are few joys in life that equal a good conversation, a good story, a good laugh, a good hug, or a good friend.

6. Overcommitting is the biggest mistake most people make against living a happier, simpler life. It’s tempting to fill in every waking minute of the day with to-do list tasks or distractions. Don’t do this to yourself. Leave space.

7. You should sit quietly for fifteen minutes today to gather your thoughts and review your priorities, unless you’re too busy, in which case you should sit for an hour. Remember this. The world is as you are inside.

(MARCANDANGEL).

5 Things I Hope You Remember On Your Bad Days

That we all have bad days. Days when we are not up for it, when our our spirit sag, when our strength fail us and when our self esteem wallow in the gutters. Somedays we are the hammer, some days we are the nail. Wisdom is to take it all in your stride. Don't let your head deceive you that you are in the mess alone. Life is fair in some matters and it does give everyone his own measure of bad days. On days like this, remember why you started, envisage the end and remind yourself that we are all in this together.

That there is a purpose to the drama, and there must be a lesson in the chaos. Bad days always come to teach us something. Listen for the subtle lessons and be watchful for the finest nuggets. Pain always come to teach us something. Beyond the negativity, there is something in it for you. Your bad days would have been a shame if you learnt nothing from them.

That we are suppose to 'become' by what we go through and that the bad days would have been wasted if it doesn't change us. One of the greatest things that should happen to us with any of life's experiences is what we become by that experience. Your bad days should change you for the better. It should teach you things about yourself, it should keep you circumspect and it should truly make you a better person.

That you cut people some slack and never take it personal. On our bad days, we are often on the edge. So edgy that it only takes a twinge to set us ablaze. On our bad days, we want others to cut us some slack. It is this same slack that we must give others on their bad days. Don't take it personal because it's never personal. One of life's most liberating lesson is to understand that people ultimately do things for and because of themselves, not because of you. Whatever you do, never forget this.

That you will ultimately be fine. It doesn't matter how severe your grief is today, it doesn't matter how deep your pain cut, it doesn't how loud you wail now. See, you will be fine when all is said and done. It is a cliche but it is also a truism that tough times never last, tough people do. So, chin up, wear your zing on your sleeves, set the spring in your steps, walk upright, return the smile to your face and recreate your hope. You will be fine in the final analysis; don't let the bad days fool you.