Of Snakes and Monkeys: The Joke is on Us

It is one of the hallmarks of our coping mechanism as a people that we find the funny side of every inimical event. Yet, there comes a time when we need to behold our collective sensibility and tell ourselves some home truth. At a time when high school children in the United States are standing up to President Trump, Congress and the powerful National Rifle Association (NRA) in the wake of the 17 kids killed at Stoneman Douglas in Florida, we in Nigeria are seeing the funny side of our quagmire and sorry state. It was a thing of cruel joke when the news broke that snakes had carted away a whopping 36 million naira from the headquarters of the Joint Admission Matriculation Board. While we regurgitated on the madness, news filtered through on the real reason why Abdullahi Adamu (Nasarawa – APC) was removed as chairman of the Northern Senators Forum. According to the maverick, Shehu Sani, about 70 million naira belonging to the group was claimed to have been carted away by monkeys in a farm house.

Since these dual stories broke, the internet has gone agog with memes and clapback captions that seeks to make light of the issues. Yet, the joke is on us as a people. It stops being funny when we take a moment to reflect on the anomalies of this trend. The monies being spoken about belong to Nigerians, and it is sad that barely any one is asking the salient questions. In a saner nation, Senator Shehu will not insult our collective intelligence by making such remarks, neither will the so-called JAMB official tell us about snakes and their money eating abilities.

The biggest losers in these is the people. We play too much and move on too quickly. In a country where the poverty ratio is still one of the worst in the world and unemployment index at an all-time high, we are too lethargic in our response. For a people in dire sh*thole, our pretentious happiness is befuddling. They say we are among the happiest people in the world, but that happiness is mostly a façade and a smokescreen at best. It has beclouded us of our humanity, our ability to speak to power and the ‘citizens clout’ required for a change.

While the jokes of snakes and monkeys dominated the social media space, we heard the story of how 90 school girls were kidnapped from Dapachi community, in Yobe state. The omen ahead of the general elections in 2019 looks ominous already. The politicians are more interested in readjusting the electoral calendar for their sheer selfish interests than fixing this nation now. On the eve of the election year, the art of governance has taken the back burner. Taxpayers monies will be used to bankroll the scheming and electioneering process. Yet, we the people will go on every social media platforms and hurl ethnic stones at each other over our political alignments. If we have learnt anything from history, it is that we have not learnt anything at all. In the words of Charly Boy ‘Our mumu don do.’

15 Tiny Stories for Those Who Have Lost Their Motivation

1. “Today marks a full year that I’ve been eating right and working out daily. This time last year I weighed 301 pounds. When I saw my weight on the scale at the doctor’s office I knew it was time for a change. Now, after a year of exercising my will power, and using no dieting pills or gastric bands, or anything artificial, I went back to the doctor’s office for my annual check-up. “172 pounds,” my doctor said. “You know, your positive lifestyle changes just added roughly 10 years to your life expectancy.” My 11-year-old daughter, who came with me, grabbed my hand and said, “I look forward to spending those extra years with you, mommy.”

2. “The drummer in our local jazz band, Nick, is legally deaf, and has been since he was born. But he can still hear low bass tones and feel the vibrations from the drums and other instruments. Honestly, he’s such an incredible drummer, most people don’t believe he’s deaf. Sometimes I can’t believe it myself.”

3. “This morning, on my 47th birthday, I re-read the suicide letter I wrote on my 27th birthday about two minutes before my girlfriend showed up at my apartment and told me, ‘I’m pregnant.’ She was honestly the only reason I didn’t follow through with it. Suddenly I felt I had something to live for. Today she’s my wife, and we’ve been happily married for 19 years. And my daughter, who is now a 21-year-old college student, has two younger brothers. I re-read my suicide letter every year on my birthday as a reminder to be thankful—I am thankful I got a second chance at life.”

4. “I got my acceptance letter and full scholarship to MIT last week. Now my single mother can use the money she’s been saving diligently for the past 18 years from working three jobs, almost every single day, to give herself the better life she deserves.”

5. “Today, my company employs 47 intelligent, hard working individuals and turns a net profit of nearly $5 million a year. I started this company 11 years ago after I was laid off by IBM. If they hadn’t laid me off, I might still be working in a shared cubicle at IBM’s headquarters.”

6. “Last night, like he has numerous times over the past three years, my grandfather proposed to my grandmother who has Alzheimer’s and sometimes struggles to remember who he is.”

7. “At four o’clock this morning I awoke to my daughter calling my name. I was sleeping on a sofa chair in her hospital room. I opened my eyes to her beautiful smile. My daughter has been in a coma for exactly 99 days.”

8. “My chemo therapy is making me lose chunks of my long strawberry-blonde hair—a physical attribute I’ve always believed made me attractive. This afternoon I had a cute male nurse shave my head because my hair has become incredibly patchy. As I was tearing up because it was hard seeing the rest of my hair fall to the floor, the nurse bent down in front of me and sincerely said, ‘Gosh, you have the most beautiful eyes.’”

9. “It’s been exactly 15 years since I had just a few bucks to my name and could not buy my daughter pens and paper for school. A local charity stepped in and bought her school supplies and clothes. Now my daughter has graduated from Yale, started a successful business, and I work for her. And I’m donating money to that same charity to pay the kindness forward.”

10. “Last week I interviewed a motel housekeeper in Miami Beach for a side project I’m working on. ‘Do you like your job?’ I asked. To my surprise, she smiled from ear to ear and was breathless for a couple seconds. She finally collected herself and said, ‘I can’t believe how much I love my job! I get to make dozens of our guests happy every day and feed my two beautiful children at the same time.’”

11. “A 9-year-old patient of mine will be undergoing her 12th surgery in the past two years to combat a rare form of cancer. Even after all the surgeries I’ve never seen her frown. She’s still 100% sure she’ll survive. And I’m certain her attitude is the primary reason she has survived to this point. She still laughs and plays with her friends and family. She has intelligent goals for the future. A kid like her who can go through everything she’s been through and come out smiling is the reason I wake up and work hard every day.”

12. “I recently found an old hand-written note my 86-year-old mom wrote when she was just a junior in college. On it is a list of qualities she hoped she would someday find in man. The list is basically an exact description of my dad, whom she is still married to today, and whom she didn’t meet until she was 39.”

13. “I’m a struggling musician, and a bit of a loner based on my ongoing struggles with depression. I always thought my music career would take me farther than it has. After a local concert this evening, a teenage boy walked up to me, shook my hand and then hugged me. He said, ‘Thank you.’ ‘For what?’ I asked. ‘I’ve been really stressed out lately. Let’s just say I’m not one of the popular kids at school. But I have something I look forward to every day. When I get home from school, and no one is home, I put your two albums on shuffle and sing along as loud as I can,’ he said.”

14. “Ten years after I had six miscarriages in a row and was told I would never have kids—that my uterus was incapable of holding a baby past twelve weeks—I sat in my 8-year-old son’s bed this morning to wake him for his birthday. Just sitting there, breathing with him, and knowing that I have my very own version of miracle makes me want to make the best of whatever comes my way, every single day.”

15. “The homeless man who used to sleep near my condo showed up at my door this afternoon wearing the business suit I gave him over a decade ago. He said, ‘I have a clean home, a good job, and a family now. Ten years ago, I wore this business suit to all my job interviews. Thank you.’”

(MARCANDANGEL).

A Lot Depends On Your Perspective

“When life comes and sweeps you off your feet, you have the choice to remain on the ground where people will coddle you or get up so people will be inspired by you. It’s not easy, but change never is.” – Neal Samudre

Typically, when we’re worried or upset, it’s because we’ve lost perspective. Everything that is happening in our lives seems so big, so important, so do or die, but in the grand picture, this single hiccup often means next to nothing. The fight we’re having, the job we didn’t get, the real or imagined slight, the unexpected need to shift course, the thing we wanted, but didn’t get. Most of it won’t matter 20, 30, 40 years from now. It’s hard to see long term when all you know is short term, but unless it’s life-threatening, let it go, and move on. It is really how you choose to see that determines if it is a bad or a good situation.

Have you ever wondered why some people are continuously ‘lucky’? Everything seems to go right for them, they are rarely upset and have a constant smile on their face. So, you think their life is perfect; lacking problems or troubles. I know plenty of people like that and am currently in the process of learning what makes them so happy. It almost seems unfair, that some people just get what they want in life – while others don’t. But I thought that if they can do it, then so can I. So I found that the reason they are so ‘lucky’ is not that they have a perfect life and no problems – but the way they handle these and choose to experience life. It is no longer a secret that what you give out is what you get. And if you constantly swear and are unhappy, well, then you will often find yourself in unhappy situations. Yet, I have found that every single one of us has at least some control over their situations. And it all starts in reactions, mindset and perspectives. Changing your view or changing your perspective can change your life for the better. That’s why it’s always important to seek fresh perspectives. Looking through a new lens –or just a clean one — can put you in a whole new place and put you on a better life path. Without perspective, you might not understand that even if you win the rat race, you’re still a rat. Instead of asking “Who Moved My Cheese? Ask, “How can I move myself out of here to get a better view of things?”

When facing a problem, there are two ways you can look at it – as a problem, or a challenge to find a solution to. Your perspective on it will change the way you handle it. If you then handle it in a positive, hopeful way, chances of resolving it are so much higher. Now, imagine always having a positive attitude: you smile more, trust more, have more fun and see life as an opportunity, rather than a misery. This is how so called lucky people find themselves in favourable situations – some of these situations may be considered problems by someone else, however that person lacks the ‘problem’ perspective, and only sees the good in life.
So, how can YOU change your perspective to a more positive one?

1. When you find yourself in a bad situation, take a deep breath. After 3 deep breaths you should be more calm, and have a clearer mind to change your thinking pattern. Then, think about the situation, and find at least 3 good things that could arise from it.
2. When you see a person who has mastered the positive attitude, watch them, and ask them for advice. Learning from others is always a very effective way to get better at something. So watch them, talk to them, and find out what they are doing, then apply it to yourself.
3. Stop looking at everything that goes wrong, and focus on what’s going right.
It’s all in how you look at things – a matter of perspective. Sometimes how you look at things makes all the difference in the world. Is it a rain storm that ruined your picnic, or is it a healthy rain that is nourishing the plants and animals? Or maybe it’s an opportunity to have a carpet picnic with your family – all the fun, none of the ants! We’re so conditioned to look at things and see the negative. We need to learn to condition ourselves to see the positive side of situations. Why? Simple. Things are not always going to go our way. If we train ourselves to look for the bright side, it will make those times much more tolerable. Perspective is an amazing thing, so is life…try and keep it in perspective.
One of the big differences between people who are successful in life and business and people who aren’t is how they look at things, which in turn shapes how they make decisions. If you aren’t satisfied with your progress up the corporate ladder, the value of your investment portfolio or your ability to find a partner you might have more success by altering how you look at things and therefore how you decide to act.

Understanding one’s self and the ways in which one has been socialized to see the world are indispensable for understanding others in respectful, inclusive ways. Learning to see the wonder of life in a blade of grass is perhaps one of the most important things we can learn. If we can’t see the beauty and wonder of life in nature, how can we see it in each other. Did you pay off a tiny debt? Did you finish a project that took you forever? Before diving into the next thing, take a moment to have a little victory party with those you love.

Finally, in life, nothing is "wrong" or "right" (very rare circumstances aside). "Wrong" and "right," especially in regard to where you want to go in life, are relative terms. Too often, we think of "success" or "doing what we love" as an end. Like it's some destination that we have to reach. What so many people fail to realize is that both of those terms are more of an approach to the journey, not the end of the journey itself. You are "successful" when you are walking your path, always learning, always growing. You are "doing what you love" when you see every moment as an opportunity. It's on you to discover what that opportunity is. Where a lot of Millennials and young adults (my peers) seem to get frustrated is they see everything as permanent. They say, "I'm stuck here," looking at their cubicle job as the end, there is nowhere else to go, and they feel like they will never reach the desired destination of "success." But no matter where you work, or what you're doing, there are lessons to be learned. And unless you can discover those lessons and embrace your own journey, you will never actually reach the state of feeling "successful"--in the sense that you are learning and growing and effortlessly becoming a better version of yourself. The reason why so many people struggle with this is because it means taking accountability. It is so, so easy to sit in a cubicle or an office or even somewhere you enjoy being and say, "This place isn't giving me enough. It's not making me grow." This is the same as blaming other people for how you feel, or your personal issues. Just like a mirror, if you point, your reflection will point back. The key is to point at yourself. If you look in the mirror and you point at your physical self, your reflection in the mirror will point at itself. When you "pull the thumb," you take accountability. You are shifting your perspective from "blame" to "ownership." You are allowing yourself to open up and see opportunity instead of oppression. This same theory goes for everything: work, personal relationships, even the way you feel about yourself. In conclusion, always focus on the lesson, not the problem. Remember, perspective can be everything.

Culled from my book, The Path Less Travelled (https://www.amazon.com/Path-Less-Travelled-Reflections-Learning/dp/1540663507/ref=la_B01NAFINA0_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1518345927&sr=1-1).

4 Things We Think We Need Today that Won’t Matter at All in the Long Run

1. We think we need all those text messages, social updates, memes, and perfect Instagram pics.

If it entertains you now but will hurt or bore you someday, it’s a distraction. Don’t settle. Don’t exchange what you want most for what you kind of want at the moment. Study your habits. Figure out where your time goes, and remove distractions. It’s time to focus on what matters. A good place to start? Learn to be more human again. Don’t avoid eye contact. Don’t hide behind gadgets. Smile often. Ask about people’s stories. Listen. You can’t connect with anyone, including yourself, unless you are undistracted and present. And you can’t be either of the two when you’re Facebooking, Instagramming or Snapchatting your life away. You just can’t! If you are constantly attached to your smartphone and only listening with your ears as your eyes check for the next social update, you are ripping yourself off of actually experiencing real relationships and real life. The same is true for texting too. Yes, someday you will be slapped with the reality of a missed MEMORY being far more unsettling than a missed TEXT! Let this be your wake-up call! Too often we choose to distract ourselves with gadgets and news and videos and music and memes, 24/7, just to stimulate ourselves. It’s like second nature to us—we’re so used to feeling like the present moment isn’t worthy of our full presence. And this mindset of dissatisfaction and distraction—of reality never being enough for us – trickles into every facet of our lives… What if we admitted that life is slipping away right now, and saw the fleeting time we have as enough, without needing to share it on social media or capture it or filter it in any way?

What if we accepted the “bad” with the good, the letdowns with the lessons, the annoying with the beautiful, the anxiety with the opportunity, as part of a package deal that this moment alone is offering us? What if we paused right now, and saw everything with perfect clarity and no distractions? Keep thinking about it… Would we live more meaningful and memorable lives? Would we have more beautiful stories to cherish and share? Now is the best time to look around and be grateful—for our health, our homes, our families, our friends, and our momentary opportunities. Nothing else will matter as much when we look back someday.

2. We think we need more approval from the masses.

We worry about what other people think of us. We worry about our appearance. We worry if she’ll like us. We worry if he likes that other woman. We worry that we’re not accomplishing all that we should be. We worry that we’ll fall flat on our faces. We worry that we’re not enough just the way we are. And of course, we worry about all those foolish, thoughtless things someone once said about us. And social media—with its culture of getting us to seek constant approval with virtual likes and hearts—with its endless highlight reel of perfect bodies and epic travels—it only intensifies the problem. Realize this. You don’t need any of that social validation and distraction in your life!

It’s the strength of your conviction that determines your level of personal achievement in the long run, not the number of people who agree with every little thing you do. Ultimately, you will know that you’ve made the right decisions and followed the appropriate path when there is genuine peace in your heart, and when the few people who truly mean the world to you are the ones celebrating your success alongside you. It’s nice to have acquaintances. It’s important to be involved in your community to an extent. But don’t get carried away and spread yourself too thin. Leave plenty of time for the people and projects that matter most to you. Your time is extremely limited, and sooner or later you just want more of it with the select few people and projects that make you smile for all the right reasons. The ultimate goal is to never let some random person’s opinion become your reality. To never sacrifice who you are, or who you aspire to be, because someone on the internet has a problem with it. To love who you are inside and out as you push forward. And to realize once and for all that no one else has the power to make you feel small unless you give them that power. Of course, sometimes the pressure and dysfunctional judgements coming from peers, work, and society in general is enough to make us feel completely broken inside. If we do things differently, we’re looked down upon. If we dream big, we’re ridiculed. Or if we don’t have the “right” job, relationship, lifestyle, and so forth, by a certain age or time frame, we’re told that we’re not good enough. But that is just NOT true, and it’s your job to acknowledge it! So, here’s a new mantra for you (say it, and then say it again): “This is my life, my choices, my mistakes and my lessons. As long as I’m not hurting people, I need not worry what they think of me.”

3. We think we need to engage in the daily drama that seems so significant.

99% of the drama in our lives isn’t significant in the long run, because it isn’t even real. It’s all in our heads. Just a momentary rise in our blood pressure for all the wrong reasons. In a nutshell, most drama is simply the consequence of our inner resistance to outer incidents. Thus, there’s a strong chance the drama you are going through at any given moment is not fueled by the words or deeds of others, or any external sources at all; it is fueled primarily by your mind that gives the drama importance.

Why do we get so easily stressed out and sucked into needless drama? It’s because the world isn’t the predictable, orderly, blissful place we’d like it to be. We want things to be easy, comfortable and well ordered 24/7. But, unfortunately, sometimes work is hectic, relationships are challenging, important people demand our time, we aren’t as prepared as we’d like to be, and there’s just too much to do and learn and process in our minds. So our inner resistance begins to boil over. The problem is that we’re holding on too tightly to ideals that don’t match reality. We have subconsciously set up expectations in our minds of what we want other people to be, what we want ourselves to be, and what our work and relationships and life “should” be like. Our attachment to our ideals—our resistance to accept things as they are—stirs stress in our minds and drama in our lives. And we don’t want to be a part of this drama. At least that’s what we tell ourselves. So we blame others for it… and then we engage in even more of it!

But there’s good news: we can break the cycle, let go of drama, and find peace with reality. You can build a healthy daily ritual of stopping the needless drama in your life, and rediscovering the peace and joy and love that are always just a few thoughts away.

4. We think we need another comfortable, leisurely day.

A comfortable, leisurely day sounds nice, for a moment. But it’s not the kind of day you’ll look back on with gratitude for how far you’ve come. Truth be told, the most common and destructive addiction in the world is the draw of comfort. Why pursue growth when you already have 400 television channels, YouTube and a recliner? Just pass the dip and lose yourself in a trance. WRONG! That’s not living—that’s existing. Living is about learning and growing through excitement and discomfort. It’s about asking questions and seeking answers. And life is filled with questions, many of which don’t have an obvious or immediate answer. It’s your willingness to ask these questions, and your courage to march boldly into the unknown in search of the answers on a daily basis, that gives life it’s meaning.

In the end, you can spend your life feeling sorry for yourself, cowering in the comfort of a recliner, wondering why there are so many problems out in the real world, or you can be thankful that you are strong enough to endure them. It just depends on your mindset. The obvious first step in this arena, though, is convincing yourself to get up and do the uncomfortable things that need to be done. Your mind needs to be exercised to gain strength. It needs to be worked on a daily basis to grow. If you haven’t pushed yourself in lots of small ways over time—if you always avoid doing the uncomfortable things—you’ll almost certainly crumble on the inevitable days that are harder than you expected.

Choose to go to the gym when it would be more comfortable to sleep in. Choose to do the tenth rep when it would be more comfortable to quit at nine. Choose to create something special when it would be more comfortable to consume something mediocre. Choose to raise your hand and ask that extra question when it would be more comfortable to stay silent. Choose to stand your ground when it would be more comfortable to fit in. Just keep proving to yourself in lots of little ways, every day, that you have the guts to get up, get in the ring, and fight for the life you are capable of living.

(MARCANDANGEL).

2019 And The Search For A Third Force

It is one of the maladies of our electoral system that government literally plummets and enters a phase of stagnation on the eve of every general election year. What is even sadder is the fact that government funds meant for the collective good become earmarked for electioneering purposes, all to the detriment of the Nigeria state. Yet, these are hardly the issues on the front burner of many Nigerians. We have come to accept this as norm and rather keep our gaze on more weightier issues like ‘Ebuka’s agbada to the BAAD event’ and the ‘reconciliation of Davido and Wizkid’ at the latter’s Yuletide concert. After all, these are the issues that will help us temporarily forget about our sorry state in what Trump called a ‘shithole.’

However, at no time has an impending general election attained more significance in the history of our fledgling democracy than now. The stakes are at an all-time high, the issues are sacrosanct, the national pain is excruciating and most importantly, there is the urgency of now. It is public opinion that the government of Muhammadu Buhari for all its promises pre-2015, have fallen short of our collective expectations. The change it promised was so widely chorused, chanted across ethnic lines and believed beyond religious sentiments. The disappointments have been pronounced and while there are small victories here and there, the verdict that doesn’t require a jury to be delivered is that the government have fallen short. Those with vivid memory will recollect that it was in a bid to salvage Nigeria from a similar dire position that the APC was birthed and widely supported. It goes without saying that for many at the time, it was a case of ‘anyone but PDP.’ A case of the lesser evil. But Nigerians know better now. For the politically discerning among us, it was obvious in 2015 that the APC were no saints. The creation of the party was underlined by a hunger to wrestle power and not to bestow change. Change was merely the carrot they dangled.

Make no mistakes about it, there is zero difference between the APC and the PDP. They all belong to the same ruling class of the old stock. Dubious men and women primarily motivated by self-interest, greed and chauvinistic tendencies. 2019 is decisive because Nigerians have seen both worlds and are now convinced that we were conned all the while. Even the good book admonishes us not to put old wine in new wineskins. Why? It will always taste the same. There is the clamour for a new political party, the so called ‘third force.’ The need for this force to challenge the ruling class is salient but we need a lot to make this happen. The current number of registered political party in Nigeria stands at 60+. It is an astonishing number. If the ruling class will be shown the red card in 2019, there will be need for synergies, forged by a common goal to see a new Nigeria emerge. We the people must also wake up from our delusions. The sharp divisions on social media along ethnic, political and tribal lines is at an all-time high. Every discussion now snowballs into an ethnic war. We hate people we have never met because they hold a contrary political ideology from us, or based on the part of Nigeria they come from. We are quick to brandish our Igbo, Yoruba or Hausa emblem. It must always be about that. But don't get it twisted. The only true division in this country is 'the rich' vs 'the poor.' When all is said and done, the rich will take care of themselves. The rich will always be fine while the rest break their heads because they have some data to burn.

Depending on who you read, the population of Nigeria hovers around 180 million people with half of that number being those in the ‘30 & below’ age bracket. It is a staggering population explosion of young people and we must make this count beyond the jokes, frills, venting and sentiments on social media. The youth apathy in mainstream politics must be strangled. Now.

4 Powerful Lessons You Gradually Learn as You Let Go of the Past

1. You can have a heartbreaking story from the past, without letting it rule your present.

In the present moment, we all have some kind of pain: anger, sadness, frustration, disappointment, regret, etc.

Notice this pain within yourself, watch it closely, and see that it’s caused by whatever story you have in your head about what happened in the past (either in the recent past or in the distant past). Your mind might insist that the pain you feel is caused by what happened (not by the story in your head about it), but what happened in the past is NOT happening right now. It’s over. It has passed. But the pain is still happening right now because of the story you’ve been subconsciously telling yourself about that past incident.

Note that “story” does not mean “fake story.” It also does not mean “true story.” The word “story” in the context of your self-evaluation doesn’t have to imply true or false, positive or negative, or any other kind of forceful judgment call. It’s simply a process that’s happening inside your head:

You are remembering something that happened.
You subconsciously perceive yourself as a victim of this incident.
Your memory of what happened causes a strong emotion in you.
So just notice what story you have, without judging it, and without judging yourself. It’s natural to have a story; we all have stories. See yours for what it is. And see that it’s causing you pain. Then take a deep breath, and another…

Inner peace begins the moment you take these deep breaths and choose not to allow the past to rule your present thoughts and emotions.

2. A big part of letting go is simply realizing there’s nothing to hold on to in the first place.

All of the things from our past that we desperately try to hold on to, as if they’re real, solid, everlasting fixtures in our lives, aren’t really there. Or if they are there in some form, they’re changing, fluid, impermanent, or simply imagined storylines in our minds.

Life gets a lot easier to deal with the moment we understand this.

Imagine you’re blindfolded and treading water in the center of a large swimming pool, and you’re struggling desperately to grab the edge of the pool that you think is nearby, but really it’s not—it’s far away. Trying to grab that imaginary edge is stressing you out, and tiring you out, as you splash around aimlessly trying to holding on to something that isn’t there.

Now imagine you pause, take a deep breath, and realize that there’s nothing nearby to hold on to. Just water around you. You can continue to struggle with grabbing at something that doesn’t exist… or you can accept that there’s only water around you, and relax, and float.

Today, I challenge you to ask yourself:

What’s something from the past that you are still desperately trying to hold on to?
How is it affecting you in the present?
Then imagine the thing you’re trying to hold on to doesn’t really exist. Envision yourself letting go… and just floating.

How might that change your life from this moment forward?

3. The subtle pain you continue to feel can be healed through compassion for those suffering alongside you.

When we’re still working through a painful experience from the past, it’s easy to feel like we’re going through it alone—like no one else could possibly understand how we feel. In a way, we subconsciously place ourselves at the center of the universe, and see everything that happened exclusively from the viewpoint of how it affects us personally, without regard for anyone else. But as we grow through our pain and gradually broaden our horizons, we begin to see that our self-centered thinking is only fueling our misery. And we realize that shifting our focus onto others for a while can help.

It’s one of life’s great paradoxes: when we serve others, we end up benefiting as much if not more than those we serve. So whenever you feel pain from the past trying to suck you back in, shift your focus from your circumstances to the circumstances of those near and far.

The simplest way of doing this at any given moment?

Practice letting your breath be an anchor for global healing…

Breathe in whatever painful feeling you’re feeling, and breathe out relief from that pain for everyone in the world who is suffering alongside you.

For example:

If you’re feeling grief, breathe in all the grief of the world… then breathe out peace.
If you’re feeling anger, breathe in all the anger of the world… then breathe out forgiveness.
If you’re feeling regretful, breathe in all the regret of the world… then breathe out gratitude for the good times.
Do this for a minute or two as often as you need to, imagining all the pain of those near and far coming in with each breath, and then a feeling of compassion and reconciliation radiating out to all of those who are in pain as you breathe out. Instead of running from your past and the pain it caused you, you’re embracing it… you’re letting yourself absorb it. And you’re thinking of others as well, which gets you out of that miserable, self-centered mindset trap.

4. There is always, always, always something to be thankful for in the present.

Even when your past—your story—tries to pull you back in, you can consciously do your best to focus on your present blessings. What do you see in your life right now? Be thankful for it all. For your health, your family, your friends, and your home. Many people don’t have these things.

Also, remind yourself that the richest human isn’t the one who has the most, but the one who needs less. Wealth is a mindset. Want less and appreciate more today.

Easier said than done of course, but with practice it does get easier. And as you practice, you transform your past struggles into present moments of freedom. Ultimately, happiness is letting go of what you assume your life is supposed to be like right now and sincerely appreciating it for everything that it is. At the end of this day, before you close your eyes, smile and be at peace with where you’ve been and grateful for what you have. Life is good.

(MARCANDANGEL).

10 Uncomfortable Things You Need to Do If You Don’t Want to Regret 2018

1. Challenge your understandings and certainties. – Life’s richness does not come from always residing within familiar territory. It’s when you venture out, away from the familiar, that you grow stronger and more capable. You must hold tightly to your core values while at the same time opening your heart and mind to new ideas, feelings and experiences. Your own perspective will become clearer when you look at things from different angles. Find ways to provide a healthy challenge to your current understandings of life, and you will discover and experience far more of life’s magic in the year ahead.

2. Track how you invest your energy and make productive shifts. – To attract better outcomes in life, you have to become better on the inside. Again, you can’t do the same things and expect change. You can’t blame someone else. Take full responsibility for the next step. Start transforming your mindset. Start upgrading your habits. Your life is 90% your choice! Seriously, don’t settle! Don’t exchange what you want most for what’s easiest at the moment. Study your agendas and routines closely. Figure out where your time goes, and remove needless distractions. It’s time to focus on what really matters.

3. Work diligently and consistently on meaningful goals. – When you focus your heart and mind upon a purpose, and commit yourself to fulfill that purpose through small daily steps, positive energy floods into your life. Sadly, many of us miss the mark. A few years ago when the Guardian asked a hospice nurse, Bronnie Ware, about The Top Five Regrets of the Dying, one of the most common regrets she noticed was that people regretted not being true to their goals. In fact, she said that most of the people she cared for admitted to not honoring even half of the goals that were meaningful to them, and so they ended up dying with regrets. Let this be your wake-up call! Good health brings a level of freedom and opportunity very few of us realize until we no longer have it. As they say, there are seven days in the week and “someday” isn’t one of them.

4. Do the hard things. – Lose the expectation that everything in life should be easier. There are rarely shortcuts to any place worth going. Enjoy the challenge of your achievements. See the value in your efforts and be patient with yourself. And realize that patience is not just about waiting, it’s the ability to keep a good attitude while working hard on your important goals. It’s knowing deep down that doing the hard things is worth it. Why? Because those are the things that ultimately define you. Those are the things that make the difference between existing and living—between knowing the path and walking the path—between a life of mediocrity and a life filled with progress and fulfillment.

5. Study your mistakes closely and learn from them. – Disappointments and failure are two of the surest stepping-stones to the places you want to go. Don’t let a hard lesson harden your heart. When things go wrong, learn what you can and then push the heartbreak aside by refocusing your energy on the present step. Remember that life’s best lessons are often learned at the worst times and from the worst mistakes. We must fail in order to know, and hurt in order to grow. Good things often fall apart so better things can fall together in their place. And what’s better already is the more informed step you’re able to take right now.

6. Choose a positive and effective response. – Happiness doesn’t start with a relationship, a vacation, a job or money. It starts with you. If you want life to be happier, you need to be mindful of your present response. It’s how you deal with stress in each little moment that determines how well you achieve happiness in the end.

7. Directly confront the thoughts that worry you. – A tiny part of your life is decided by completely uncontrollable circumstances, while the vast majority of your life is decided by how you respond to them. Whenever our Getting Back to Happy course students and Think Better, Live Better conference attendees come to us feeling down about a life situation they can’t control, we typically start by reinforcing the hard truth: sometimes changing your situation isn’t possible—or simply not possible soon enough. But you CAN always choose a mindset that moves you forward. And doing so will help you change things from the inside out, and ultimately allow you to grow beyond the struggles you can’t control at any given moment. Here’s a powerful question that will support you with an attitude adjustment when you need it most: Who would you be, and what else would you see, if you removed the thought that’s worrying you?

8. Learn to be more human again. – Don’t avoid eye contact. Don’t hide behind gadgets. Smile often. Ask about people’s stories. Listen. You can’t connect with anyone, including yourself, unless you are undistracted and present. And you can’t be either of the two when you’re Facebooking, Instagramming or Snapchatting your life away on your smartphone. You just can’t! If you are constantly attached to your smartphone and only listening with your ears as your eyes check for the next social update, you are ripping yourself off of actually experiencing real relationships and real life. The same is true for texting too. Yes, someday you will be slapped with the reality of a missed MEMORY being far more unsettling than a missed TEXT!

9. Be strict about making time for the right people. – At some point, when it comes to relationships, you’ll just want to be around the few people who make you smile for all the right reasons. So be intentional about spending more quality time with those who help you love yourself more. And remember that nothing you can give them will ever be more appreciated than your sincere, focused attention—your full presence. Truly being with them, and listening without a clock and without anticipation of the next event, is the highest form of compliment.

10. Choose yourself, too. – You won’t always be a priority to others, and that’s why you have to be a top priority to yourself. Learn to respect yourself, take care of yourself, and become your own support system. Love yourself first and foremost every day, instead of simply loving the idea of other people loving you. Your needs matter. Start meeting them. Don’t wait on others to choose you—choose yourself! And remember that once your needs are met, you will be better equipped and capable of meeting the needs of those few people who matter most to you.

(MARCANDANGEL).