Restoring The Faith You Once Had in Yourself

Many of the most meaningful results you will ever achieve in your life—the milestones, the relationships, the love, the lessons—come from the little things you do repeatedly, every single day.

Regardless of your unique talents, knowledge, and life circumstances, or how you personally define success and happiness, you don’t suddenly become successful and happy. You become successful and happy over time based on your willingness to try again and again—to create little daily rituals that amass little bits of progress, through thick and thin.

So, what do your little daily rituals look like?

You really have to sort this out, and get consistent with what’s right for you on a daily basis! Because failure occurs in the same way. All your little daily failures (those that you don’t learn and grow from) come together and cause you to fail big. Think in terms of running a business…

You keep failing to check the books.
You keep failing to make the calls.
You keep failing to listen to your customers.
You keep failing to innovate.
You keep failing to do the little things that need to be done.
Then one day you wake up and your whole business has failed. It was all the little things you did or didn’t do on a daily basis—your rituals—not just one inexplicable, catastrophic event.

Now, think about how this relates to your life: your life is your “business!”

Remind yourself that the vast majority of the results in your life—positive and negative alike—are the product of many small decisions made over time. The little things you do today, and tomorrow, and the next day, matter!

Too often people overestimate the significance of one big defining moment and underestimate the value of making good decisions and small steps of progress on a daily basis. Don’t be one of them!

Next, is the concept of taking it one day at a time, one step at a time. It might seem ridiculously obvious, but at some point we all get caught up in the moment and find ourselves yearning for instant gratification. We want what we want, and we want it now! And this yearning often tricks us into taking on too much too soon. Let this common mistake—this quick-fix mentality—be your wake-up call today.

You really can’t lift a thousand pounds all at once, yet you can easily lift one pound a thousand times. Small, repeated, incremental efforts will get you there. It doesn’t happen in an instant, but it does happen a lot faster than not getting there at all.

Do your best to consciously shift your focus away from the big goals—the big ideals—you want to achieve in your life and toward the little daily rituals that support them. Consider the following…

If you’re a competitive athlete, your goal is to win sports competitions. Your ritual is the time you dedicate each day to training your body (and mind).
If you’re a university student, your goal is to learn and earn a degree. Your ritual is your daily study habits.
If you’re a parent, your goal is to be a great role model. Your ritual is the time and energy you commit to setting a good example each day.
If you’re a human being, your goal is to live a happy, meaningful life. Your ritual is the small, positive steps forward you take every day.
Lastly, restoring your faith in yourself is arguably the most significant hidden benefit of consistently practicing a daily ritual—of trying again and again and again. In fact, what I lacked before I learned to implement these kinds of daily rituals was the faith that I was actually capable of achieving the positive results I desired in my life. I had tried so many quick fixes in the past that ended in failure, and had grown so discouraged in myself, that I began subconsciously choosing procrastination over future attempts to fulfill the little promises I made to myself—to learn, to grow, and to make progress in various ways.

In essence, I lost faith in both my ability and myself. It’s kind of like another person constantly lying to you—eventually you stop trusting them. The same holds true with the little promises you make to yourself that always end in disappointment. Eventually, you stop trusting yourself.

And the solution in most cases is the same too: you have to restore your faith and trust gradually, with small promises, small steps (your daily rituals), and small victories. Again, this process takes time, but it happens if you stick to it. And it’s undoubtedly one of the most important, life-changing things you can do for yourself.

(MARCANDANGEL).

Poem - You Are Always In My Thoughts

Your soothing hands caresses my fragile heart
Your piercing fingers claw on my feeble mind
Your sonorous voice whispers into my troubled ears
And it dawned on me, that you are always in my thoughts.

Your endearing image looms large in my fickle head
Your enchanting smile plagues my imagination
Your ensnaring laughter fills my bowels
Again, it dawned on me, you are always in my thoughts.

There is no route to let go
There is no magic to forgetting
There is no courage to manning up
For you are always in my thoughts.

I see you in the subtleties of my moments
I see you in the trenches of my struggles
I see you in the naked places of my heart
I see you in the flashes of my tired days
For you are always in my thoughts.

It is you I cling to when spirit sag
It is you I run to when bravery eludes
It is you I find when the weight of the world presses
It is you I see when tears clog my weary eyes.

I can never fully forget
For you are firmly resident, in the chambers of my thoughts.

Stop Waiting: One Lesson Too Many People Learn Too Late

You need to do the things most people avoid, such as those that make you uncomfortable, that are far easier to run from, that others won’t do for you, that make you second-guess yourself and question how you’re going to find the time and energy to push forward.

Why?

Because the hard things ultimately build you up and change your life. They make the difference between existing and living, between knowing the path and walking it, between a lifetime of empty promises and one filled with progress, value and fulfillment.

The key?

Consistent passionate action!

Learn to believe in your heart that you’re meant to live each moment full of passion and purpose—that each and every moment is worthy in its own way. Consider this excerpt from our New York Times bestselling book, Getting Back to Happy: Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Reality, and Turn Your Trials into Triumphs:

Passion is not something you find in life; it’s something you do. When you want to find the passion and inner strength needed to change your situation, you have to force yourself to step forward.

Many of us are still hopelessly trying to “find our passion”—something we believe will ultimately lead us closer to happiness, success, or the life situation we ultimately want. And we say “hopelessly” primarily because passion can’t really be found. When we say we’re trying to find our passion, it implies that our passion is somehow hiding behind a tree or under a rock somewhere. But that’s far from the truth. The truth is, our passion comes from doing things right. If you’re waiting to somehow “find your passion” somewhere outside yourself, so you finally have a reason to put your whole heart and soul into your life and the changes you need to make, you’ll likely be waiting around for an eternity.

On the other hand, if you’re tired of waiting, and you’d rather live more passionately starting today and experience small positive changes, it’s time to proactively inject passion into the very next thing you do. Think about it:

When was the last time you sat down and had a conversation with someone nearby, with zero distractions and 100 percent focus?
When was the last time you exercised and put every bit of effort you could muster into it?
When was the last time you truly tried—truly tried—to do your very best?
Like most of us, you’re likely putting a halfhearted effort into most of the things you do on a daily basis. Because you’re still waiting. You’re still waiting to “find” something to be passionate about—some magical reason to step into the life you want to create for yourself. But you need to do the exact opposite!

Put your whole heart and soul into life!
Do the hard and necessary things, right NOW, with your whole heart and soul fully invested! Stop waiting for better opportunities. The one you have in front of you is the best opportunity.Too often we spend too much time making it perfect in our heads before we ever even do it. Stop waiting for perfection and just do your best with what you have today, and then improve it tomorrow.

(MARCANDANGEL).

Corruption As Nigeria’s Number One Enemy

“To act without a conscience, but for a paycheck, makes anyone a dangerous animal. The devil would be powerless if he couldn't entice people to do his work. So as long as money continues to seduce the hungry, the hopeless, the broken, the greedy, and the needy, there will always be war between brothers.”
― Suzy Kassem

It is almost a cliché in this part of the world that corruption is a nagging menace; yet not many fully grasp how deep the cancer has eaten into our national fabric and permeated our collective soul. The statistics shows us as one of the most corrupt countries in the world but the full extent of that might have eluded the statisticians themselves. When the then U.K Prime Minister, David Cameron, described Nigeria as ‘fantastically corrupt’ you can bet he didn’t have the full picture of how dire the situation is. His remarks understandably brought a diplomatic uproar between Nigeria and the U.K, but he was putting it mildly, and for those with clear minds and conscientious spirits you can tell that he was bloody right.

In April 2018, the EFCC chairman, Ibrahim Magu, announced that 739 billion naira has been recovered by the agency in the first two years of his stewardship. Depending on who you read, these figures might be higher. When you situate this against the backdrop of several corruption trails ongoing and the loots of the past (most notorious of which were the 16 billion dollars power charade and the 322 million dollars unending Abacha loot), it helps the context. Ours is not just a fantastically corrupt country, it is one crippled by it.

President Buhari’s fight against corruption has been criticized for being selective, haphazard and targeted for political vendetta. While the argument seems valid on face value, it pales in logical scrutiny. In saner climes, the only reasonable question that will be asked is: Those being prosecuted, do they have a case to answer? Our common wealth have been amassed by a few with sagging conscience and mindless impunity and that is the real issue. As for the cronies in Buhari’s administration, you can be sure that it is only a matter of time. The purge might be one-sided but it doesn’t mean there is no need for a purge. Sadly, we live in a society where everything is politics, and politics is everything. Don’t be conned; many of those that go on television to tell you that our ‘democracy is under siege’ because they were invited by one agency or the other to answer for their sins, are riding on sentiments that only the gullible will afford them. The Nigerian political class in their current form and make-up, are the real dangers to our fragile democracy.

Systemic corruption is perhaps the biggest problem we have in the war against corruption in Nigeria. While we must recover our stolen wealth; we must ensure that there are adequate controls that makes corruption, stealing and graft extremely difficult. In too many of our agencies and parastatals, those that are at the top are often in a conundrum. There is something about our structure and system that over-empowers the men at the top such that the checks and balances on their offices are relaxed, if not non-existent in most cases. While it takes integrity to do the right thing, we must ensure that we don’t make doing the wrong thing a glaring and an appealing alternative. In the same light, we must ensure that we strip political offices of the sheer enticement it currently commands. It boggles the mind how a nation with the largest number of poor people (by UN global standards) will be one of if not the country with the highest paid legislators and executives.

The cleansing and full purging of corruption from our national life can never be a quick fix. Irrespective of who emerges president in 2019, the task remains humongous and painstaking if not completely overwhelming. Credible and competent leadership might be at the heart of the redemptive work required to return Nigeria to its glory path, but corruption is at the crucible.

How to Find Gratitude When Everything Goes Wrong

How to Find Gratitude Around Difficult People

We expect people to behave a certain way. Specifically, we expect them to always treat us kindly, fairly and respectfully. But the reality is some people won’t. They will lose their tempers or act foolishly, regardless of how we treat them. This must be accepted. Don’t lower your standards, but do remind yourself that removing your expectations of others—especially those who are being difficult—is the best way to avoid being disappointed by them. You will end up sadly disappointed if you expect others will always do for you as you do for them. Not everyone has the same heart as you. Not everyone’s heart is filled with genuine gratitude. When you’re forced to deal with a difficult person, you can be grateful for having other people in your life who are far less difficult. You can be grateful for having a way to practice being better at patience, communication, and tempering your expectations. You can think of this person as a teacher, who is inadvertently helping you to grow stronger as a person. And, at the very least, you can be grateful for them because they serve as a great reminder of how not to be.

How to Find Gratitude When You Catch Yourself Complaining

Many of us are have developed a subtle habit of complaining about life. We might not even notice how often we’re doing it, but every time we experience some tension in our lives (things not going exactly our way), we immediately feel bitterness. This bitterness is a form of complaining, and it’s a common way we waste our lives. Gratitude is the antidote. Each time you notice yourself feeling bitter, or complaining, notice that you have a story in your mind that’s causing you to feel the way you do. Notice that you’re letting this story about “how life should be” dominate you. Then, find a small way to be grateful instead: What could you be grateful for right now, if you really wanted to be grateful? What could you appreciate about this moment? Seriously, when life gives you every reason to be negative, think of one good reason to be positive. Remember, there’s ALWAYS something to be grateful for.

How to Find Gratitude When You Are Overwhelmed

The familiar faces, places, situations and obligations we rely on and interact with daily… they overwhelm us sometimes, especially when we’re taking them for granted. Have you ever noticed how the more familiar you become with an amazing situation or relationship in your life, the more you seem to take it for granted? And then, as it becomes more “expendable” in your subconscious mind, the more it seems to “overwhelm” you on busy days? You somehow grow to feel like this amazing thing is getting in your way, even though it isn’t—it’s YOU that’s getting in your way. The bottom line is that we often take for granted the very things that most deserve our gratitude. So, challenge yourself to flip your perspective in moments of overwhelm, using a simple re-framing tool called “… AND I LOVE IT!” “… AND I LOVE IT!” is a phrase that can be applied to the end of any overwhelming thought. Because, again, the everyday things that overwhelm us are often blessings in disguise. OK, now for some harder stuff…

How to Find Gratitude After Job Loss

No one wins at chess by only moving forward; sometimes you have to move backward to put yourself in a position to win. And that’s a good metaphor for your life’s work, too. As painful as losing your job is, it’s an ending that leads to the beginning of everything that comes next. Let the heaviness of being successful be replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again. This new beginning is the start of a different story, the opportunity to refresh your life, to reinvent who you are. See the beauty in this opportunity—the freedom and liberation from a fixed routine—a solid foundation from which you can rebuild certain aspects of your life the way you always wanted it to be. Remind yourself, as often as necessary, that you can find gratitude for where you are. You can find gratitude for these moments of reinvention—for pushing into the discomfort of getting good at interviewing, learning new skills and leveling up. You can find gratitude for the opportunity to grow stronger, even in the midst of the growing pains that ultimately get you there.

How to Find Gratitude Amidst Health Problems

Everyone is down on the pain inflicted by health problems, and when we experience this kind of pain we usually say we have nothing to be grateful for, because we forget something important about what we’re going through: The pain of a health problem is for the living ONLY—for those of us who still have the chance of a lifetime. A couple short years ago, on the second to last day of her life, a close friend of mine told me her only regret was that she didn’t appreciate every year with the same passion and purpose that she had in the last two years of her life, after she was diagnosed with terminal cancer. ‘I’ve accomplished so much recently, and truly appreciated every step,” she said. “If I had only known, I would have started sooner.’” Her words made me cry and smile at the same time. What was truly miraculous was seeing the genuine gratitude in her eyes at that moment. She was sincerely grateful for actually being able to accomplish everything she had accomplished in her final two years. And her sentiment has always remained with me. So, while I agree that health problems are never fun, and can often be very painful and debilitating, the pain can still be mediated by a sense of gratitude of being alive. Of still having a chance to move forward. Of still having a life worth living, from moment to precious moment.

How to Find Gratitude When Someone You Love Dies

One of the absolute hardest realities to cope with is death. A person who gave meaning to our life is now no longer in our life (at least not in the flesh), and we are not the same person without them. We have to change who we are—we are now a best friend who sits alone, a widow instead of a wife, a dad without a daughter, or a next-door neighbor to someone new. We want life to be the way it was, before death, and yet it never will be. But, can we still be grateful we had the gift of this person in our lives? Yes. And the bad news is you never completely get over the loss—you will never forget them. However, in a backwards way, we gradually learned that this is also the good news. Ultimately, we grew to appreciate that although death is an ending, it is also a necessary part of living. And even though endings like these often seem ugly, they are necessary for beauty too—otherwise it’s impossible to appreciate someone or something, because they are unlimited. Limits illuminate beauty, and death is the ultimate limit—a reminder that we need to be aware of this beautiful person, and appreciate this beautiful thing called life. Death is also a beginning, because while we have lost someone special, this ending, like the loss of any wonderful life situation, is a moment of reinvention. Although deeply sad, their passing forces us to gradually reinvent our lives, and in this reinvention is an opportunity to experience beauty in new, unseen ways and places. And finally, death is an opportunity to celebrate a person’s life, and to be grateful for the beauty they showed us.

(MARCANDANGEL).

The Elder Moves On...

They say every good thing must come to an end.
They say cherish every moment for you might not have them forever.
They say create many memories while you can, you never know who will move on.
They say goodbye is a bitch. For why do we ever have to say goodbye to those that have become a part of us?

Today we all gather
To garner our thoughts
To unlock our love
To pander our best wishes
To celebrate a man of Olympian heights.

Just like moons and like suns,
With the certainty of tides,
Our love For you is a surety
Just like hopes springing high
Hopes of a girl with a promise of an iPhone x, our hopes that the rest of your life will be a beauty is doubtless.

You are a bundle of unquenching energy
A beehive of unquestionable joy
A good man
An elder whose looks betray his age
A fine gentleman and a man of diverse parts
With hair so black, full and kinky...it makes the ladies aspire.

You mean many things to different people
Some call you elder, others call you unrelenting DJ
But to us, you are simply more than words can aptly articulate.

You do not paint like Michelangelo, but you have painted many lives with your personality
You do not write like Shakespeare, but you have written your names in the sands of time
You do not play by DJ Jimmy Jatt, yet your life is an eternal sonorous music of laughter
You do not shoot like Cristiano Ronaldo, but you have shoot many people into joy
You do not sprint like Usain Bolt, but you have shown that slow and steady win the race
You do not scheme like Bukola Saraki, yet you possess an uncanny wisdom, undisputed
You do not command riches like Dangote, but the riches of your life cannot be measured.

Today, our loss becomes your family's gain
And though this will fully begin to dawn until when we won't see your red flashlights anymore.
And we must grapple with your absence at the office
And find a way to trudge on without one of our own
Always know that our best thoughts go with you.
Our hearts reserve a special place for you.
And most importantly, remember that in whatever you do, we will be there for you. Ensuring that you will never walk alone!
This is not goodbye!!

*Dedicated to a dear collegue and friend.

12 “Notes to Self” About the Hard Things You Need to Do to Be Happy

1. Note to Self: You need to choose yourself today. – You won’t always be a priority to others, and that’s why you need to be a priority to yourself. Learn to respect yourself, take care of yourself, and become your own support system. Your needs matter. Start meeting them. Make YOUR priorities a top priority. Don’t wait on others to choose you. Choose yourself, today!

2. Note to Self: You need to start long before you feel ready. – If you wait until you feel 100% ready, you will be waiting the rest of your life. Realize this! Some people wait all day for 5pm, all week for Friday, all year for the holidays, all their lives for happiness. Don’t be one of them.

3. Note to Self: You need to let your actions speak loud and clear. – A big part of your life is a result of your choices. If you don’t like some part of your life, it’s time to start making changes and new choices. And it’s OK to be low-key about it. You don’t need to put everything on social media. Silently progress and let your actions today speak for themselves.

4. Note to Self: You need to delete the distractions you often engage in. – If it entertains you now but will hurt or bore you someday, it’s just a distraction. Don’t settle. Don’t exchange what you want most for what you kind of want at the moment. Study your habits and rituals. Figure out where your time goes, and delete distractions. It’s time to focus more on what matters.

5. Note to Self: You need to embrace discomfort for the right reasons. – Everything gets a bit uncomfortable when it’s time to change. That’s just a part of the growth process. Things will get better. Be patient and remind yourself: Life never gets easier, you just get stronger.

6. Note to Self: You need to be willing to struggle for progress. – As you struggle, remember, it is far better to be exhausted from lots of effort and learning, than to be tired of doing absolutely nothing. Effort is never wasted, even when it leads to disappointing results. For it always makes you stronger, more educated, and more experienced.

7. Note to Self: You need to deliver results, even when making excuses is easier. – NO shortcuts. NO quick fixes. NO blaming others. NO “I’ll do it tomorrows.” NO MORE EXCUSES! Just get started. Quit talking and begin doing! Laziness may appear attractive, but work leads to progress and long-term fulfillment.

8. Note to Self: You need to embrace where you are, even as you move forward. – Stop beating yourself up. You are a work in progress — which means you get there a little at a time, not all at once. Just embrace where you are! The route you traveled to this point no longer matters, for nothing can be done to change it. What matters is what you do from here, in this moment.

9. Note to Self: You need to love exactly what you are doing, at all times. – There is no progress without love. Being productive is a byproduct of loving what you do. So… love what you do, until you can do what you love. Love where you are, until you can be where you love. Love the people you are with, until you can be with the people you love most. Keep applying this philosophy to all aspects of your life.

10. Note to Self: You need to trust the journey. – Someday you will understand the reasons — that it had to happen, just the way it did… to give you the lessons you needed to grow. It’s never ideal, and it’s rarely easy, but what doesn’t break you today only makes you stronger in the end. Take a deep breath right now, and keep going.

11. Note to Self: You need to focus only on what you can control at the present moment. – The challenge is ultimately to take life day by day and be grateful for the little things. Don’t get caught up in what you can’t control. Accept it and make the best of it. When you stop worrying about what you can’t control, you have more time and energy to change the things you can control. And that changes everything in the long run.

12. Note to Self: You need to keep your expectations of others in check along the way. – Don’t lower your standards, but do remember that removing your expectations of others is the best way to avoid being disappointed by them. You will end up sadly disappointed if you expect people will always do for you as you do for them. Not everyone has the same heart as you. The key is in not being emotionally co-dependent on other people’s behaviors. Don’t let your expectations of others hold you back from being the best you can be.

(MARCANDANGEL).