Don’t Be Afraid to Do These 10 Hard Things for Yourself

1. Don’t be afraid to accept and appreciate life’s changes.
You’re not the same person you were a year ago, a month ago, or a week ago. You’re always growing. Experiences don’t stop. That’s life.

Sometimes there are things in our lives that aren’t meant to stay. Sometimes the changes we don’t want are the changes we need to grow. Let this sink in. Growth and change may be painful sometimes, but nothing in life is as painful as staying stuck where you don’t belong.

The bottom line is that you can’t reach for anything new if you’re holding on to yesterday. You may think holding on makes you strong, but oftentimes it’s letting go and starting anew that truly builds your inner strength.

2. Don’t be afraid to trust yourself.
You may not be where you want to be yet, but you’ve also come a long way from where you once were. Appreciate how far you’ve come. You’ve been through a lot, but you’ve grown a lot too. Give yourself credit for your strength and resilience. You have good reason to believe that you can trust yourself going forward, not because you’ve always made the right choices, but because you’ve survived and grown from the bad ones.

Good things take time, and you’re getting there. So don’t allow yourself to be crippled by stress and self-loathing. Everything is only as it is. There’s no reason to let it cripple you. Remind yourself to breathe—to let every moment be what it’s going to be. What’s meant to be will come your way, and what’s not will fall away. And remember that life’s best gifts may not always be wrapped the way you expect. (Read The Last Lecture.)

3. Don’t be afraid to live your truth.
Tell yourself, “I am ENOUGH” anytime you begin to feel otherwise. Accept your flaws. Admit your mistakes. Don’t hide and don’t lie.

Deal with the truth—your truth—every step of the way. Learn the lessons, endure the consequences of reality, and move forward. Your truth won’t penalize you. Your mistakes won’t hurt you. Only your denial and cover-up will. Flawed and vulnerable people are powerful and strong. Liars and phonies are not. Every beautiful human being is made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions and finished with trials and errors.

So keep reminding yourself that you are YOU for a reason, and that the journey is worth it. Ignore the distractions. Listen to your own inner voice. Mind your own business. Keep your best wishes and your biggest desires close to your heart, and dedicate time to them every day. Don’t be scared to walk alone sometimes, and don’t be scared to enjoy it. And don’t let anyone’s ignorance, drama or negativity derail you.

4. Don’t be afraid to craft a daily routine that’s right for YOU.
If your life is going to mean anything, you have to live it yourself. You have to choose the path that feels right to YOU, not the one that simply looks right to everyone else. It’s always better to be at the bottom of the ladder you want to climb, than the top of the one you don’t. So don’t wait until you’re halfway up the wrong ladder to listen to your intuition. Every morning, ask yourself what is truly important, and then find the courage, wisdom and willpower to build your day around your answer.

In the end, it’s not what you say, but how you spend your time that counts. If you want to do something, you’ll find a way… if you don’t, you’ll find an excuse.

5. Don’t be afraid to say “no” to unnecessary obligations.
In a world with so much noise and clutter, you must make room for what matters. That means pruning nonessential commitments and eliminating as many distractions as you possibly can. No wasted time, no fluff, no regrets.

The mark of a successful and peaceful person is the ability to set aside the “somewhat important” things in order to accomplish the vital ones first. When you’re crystal clear about your priorities, you can painlessly arrange them in the right order and discard the activities and commitments that do not support the ones at the top of your list.

6. Don’t be afraid to give yourself enough mental and emotional space.
If you think and you think and you think, you will think yourself right out of happiness a thousand times over, and never once into it. Worrying doesn’t take away tomorrow’s troubles, it takes away today’s peace and potential. Stop over-thinking everything. Life is just too short.

Your biggest limitations are the ones you make up in your mind. The biggest causes of your unhappiness are the false beliefs you refuse to let go of. You are capable of far more than you are often thinking, imagining, doing or being. But in time you will gradually become what you habitually contemplate, so clear your mind and let your hopes, not your fears, shape your future. How? Meditate. Run. Breathe. Write in your journal. Find the space…. to set your mind free.

7. Don’t be afraid to make more time for the right relationships.
Not everyone will appreciate what you do for them. You have to figure out who’s worth your attention and who’s just taking advantage of you. If your time and energy is misspent on the wrong relationships, or on too many activities that force you to neglect your good relationships, you can end up in a tedious cycle of fleeting friendships, superficial romances that are as thrilling as they are meaningless, and a general sense of wondering why you always seem to be chasing affection.

Choose yourself rather than settle for those who treat you as ordinary. YOU certainly aren’t. Never settle for being someone’s option when you have the potential to be someone’s priority. You are the sum of the people you spend the most time with. If you hang with the wrong people too often, they will bring you down, but if you hang with the right people, they will help you grow into your best self. These people will love all the things about you that others are intimidated by.

8. Don’t be afraid to learn something new.
As Mahatma Gandhi once said, “Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.” Life is a book and those who do not educate themselves read only a few pages.

When you know better, you live better. Period.

And remember that all education is self-education. It doesn’t matter if you’re sitting in a college classroom or a coffee shop. We don’t learn anything we don’t want to learn. Those of us who take the time and initiative to pursue knowledge on their own time are the only ones who earn a real education in this world. Take a look at any widely acclaimed scholar, entrepreneur or historical figure you can think of. Formal education or not, you’ll find that he or she is a product of continuous self-education.

9. Don’t be afraid to live out some of your dreams.
There are thousands of people who live their entire lives on the default settings, never realizing they can customize everything. Don’t settle for the default settings in life. Don’t hide behind laziness. Find your loves, talents and passions, and embrace them fully.

Seriously, too many people dream only at night in the quiet of their own minds, and then awake to find it was all an illusion. Don’t be one of them. Dream by day, too. Be one of the people who dream with their eyes wide open, and who works to make some of them come true.

And forget popularity too. Just do your thing with passion, humility, and honesty. Do what you do, not for an applause, but because it’s what’s right. Pursue it a little bit each day, no matter what anyone else thinks. That’s how dreams are achieved.

10. Don’t be afraid of other people’s empty judgments.
The greatest and most gratifying experiences in life cannot be seen or touched. They must be felt with the heart from the inside out. There’s nothing more inspiring than the complexity and beauty of human, heartfelt feelings. Sadly though, many people let the fear of judgment numb and silence them. Their deepest thoughts and feelings often go unspoken, and thus barely understood.

Do NOT let people invalidate or minimize how you feel. If you feel something, you feel it and it’s real to you. Nothing anyone says has the power to invalidate that, ever. No one else occupies your body, or sees life through your eyes. No one else has lived through your exact experiences. And so, no one else has the right to dictate or judge how you feel. Your feelings are important. Never let anyone or any circumstance lead you to believe otherwise.

Remind yourself that there is a great freedom in leaving others to their opinions, and there is a huge weight lifted when you take nothing personally.

(MARCANDANGEL).

19 Powerful Affirmations We Should Say to Ourselves in 2019

“The biggest and most complex obstacle I will ever have to overcome is my mind. If I can overcome that, I can overcome anything.”

“I cannot control exactly what happens in life, but I can control how I respond to it all. In my response is my greatest power.”

“I have to accept whatever comes my way, and the only important thing is that I meet it with the best I have to give.”

“I will stop focusing on how stressed I am and remember how blessed I am. Complaining won’t change my reality, but a positive attitude will.”

“Being positive does not mean ignoring the negative. Being positive means overcoming the negative. There is a big difference between the two.”

“I will not get caught up in what could’ve been or should’ve been. I will look instead at the power and possibility of what is, right now.”

“I am not a product of my circumstances. I am a product of my decisions. It’s about not letting my fear decide my future.”

“I will get back up. Again, and again. The faster I recover from setbacks, the faster I’ll get to where I’m going in life.”

“My next step in the right direction does not have to be a big one.”

“Patience is a genuine expression of confidence, acceptance, serenity, and faith in my own ability. It’s a sign of strength. I will practice it.”

“When I find that I don’t have time for what matters, I will stop doing things that don’t.”

“I can always feel the genuine, positive power that flows from my decision to rise above the petty drama and distractions that don’t really matter anyway.”

“Instead of getting angry, I will find the lesson. In place of envy, I will feel admiration. In place of worry, I will take positive action. In place of doubt, I will have faith.”

“There’s nothing selfish about self-care and self-love. I can’t give what I don’t have. When I enrich my own life, I’ll be life-giving to others too.”

“When the grass looks greener on the other side, it’s just life’s way of reminding me to water the grass I’m standing on.”

“From now on I will be too busy watering my own grass to notice if yours is greener.”

“I will focus on making myself better, not on thinking I am better.”

“I will practice gratitude, even in the midst of frustration and despair, so I can better see the positive possibilities around me.”

“Happiness does not start when ‘this, that or the other’ thing is resolved. Happiness is what happens now, when I make the best of what I have.”

(MARCANDANGEL).

What Dying Has Taught Me

Rob Bell once said, "It often takes suffering and lost in order to remind us of how precious life is." While writing my first book titled ‘The Path Less Travelled,’ I did an extensive study and research on what were peoples’ biggest regrets while in their last days or on their death beds. This piece of research meant I was given access to a couple of old peoples’ home outside Nigeria. This research is supplemented by some extensive reading I did on the subject, especially a fantastic body of work from a veteran nurse who had managed many dying patients in their transition moments. I have combined all of these researches to form the fulcrum of this article. These are some of the biggest reflections dying people shared:

1. Our Time Here Is Finite.
It might be a cliché but it is a truth that time cannot eviscerate. Whether we live to be 28 years old or we live to be 108 years old, until science is able to figure out a way to make us live forever, one day our life on this planet will come to an end. Meaning, that we don't have time to wait to take that trip to Italy we've been dreaming about the last few years or to start a business or to spend more time with our family because, like it or not, the clock is ticking. So how do you want to spend your precious days or weeks, or even minutes? Remember, no one is guaranteed the next minute.

2. Do not take the people you love for granted.
One of the biggest lessons you will ever learn is to never sweat the small stuff. And family is one of the really big stuff. If you are lucky enough to have loved ones in your life, call them often. Visit them often. Share your life with the people who love you. What can be more important than the people you care about, who care about you? No one is guaranteed to live a hundred years, and even a hundred years can pass all too fast.

3. You have to follow your heart.
As Steve Jobs so famously said, "Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart." I know it can be scary chasing after our dreams, ask anyone who has tried, myself included. Following your heart, following your passion, dreaming big is not easy, because if it were everyone would be doing it. But, here's the thing, would you rather live a life of What ifs? or a life of I'm going for it!

4 Live in the now.
Now is the only guarantee we have. Now is what matters most in life. In the Power of NOW, Eckhart Tolles says, "Realize deeply that the present moment is all you have. Make the NOW the primary focus of your life." Although some things take time and cannot be created overnight, the now is where the miracles happen. Now is when we have the opportunity to experience the intricate details of life. In the final analysis there is always something that is going right in a person’s life. You only have to live in the present to experience it.

5. Life always gives you second chances.
Life is all about second chances and life almost always gives us second chances. It is called the power of second chances. Bikram Choudhury, the founder of Bikram Yoga said "You are never too old or too broken. It is never too late to begin, or to start all over again." Each day, each breath, each moment is an opportunity for us to try again, a chance to create the life we truly want and to go after our dreams. When was the last time you asked yourself, Am I living the life I really want? If the answer is no, then maybe it's time to figure out what you can do to change it. Life will always give us second chances, the big question is: Do we take them?

11 Uncomfortable Things You Need to Start Doing for Yourself in 2019

1. Challenge your understandings and certainties. – Warren Buffett once said, “What the human being is best at doing is interpreting all new information so that their prior conclusions remain intact.” This is a tragedy, this kind of thinking. Don’t do it to yourself. Don’t just look for data that confirms what you already know. Be willing to be wrong in 2019. Be willing to learn in 2019. Be mindful, humble and teachable every step of the way. There’s always room for a new idea, a new perspective . . . a new beginning. Life changes every second, and so can you. Find ways to provide a healthy challenge to your current understandings of life, and you will discover and experience far more of life’s magic in the year ahead.

2. Track how you invest your energy and make productive shifts. – To attract better outcomes in life, you have to become better on the inside. Again, you can’t do the same things and expect change. You can’t blame someone else. Take full responsibility for the next step. Start transforming your mindset. Start upgrading your habits. Your life is 90% your choice! Seriously, don’t settle! Don’t exchange what you want most for what’s easiest at the moment. Study your agendas and routines closely. Figure out where your time goes, and remove needless distractions. It’s time to focus on what really matters.

3. Work diligently and consistently on meaningful goals. – When you focus your heart and mind upon a purpose, and commit yourself to fulfill that purpose through small daily steps, positive energy floods into your life. Sadly, many of us miss the mark. A few years ago when the Guardian asked a hospice nurse, Bronnie Ware, about The Top Five Regrets of the Dying, one of the most common regrets she noticed was that people regretted not being true to their goals. In fact, she said that most of the people she cared for admitted to not honoring even half of the goals that were meaningful to them, and so they ended up dying with regrets. Let this be your wake-up call! Good health brings a level of freedom and opportunity very few of us realize until we no longer have it. As they say, there are seven days in the week and “someday” isn’t one of them.

4. Do the hard things. – Lose the expectation that everything in life should be easier. There are rarely shortcuts to any place worth going. Enjoy the challenge of your achievements. See the value in your efforts and be patient with yourself. And realize that patience is not just about waiting, it’s the ability to keep a good attitude while working hard on your important goals. It’s knowing deep down that doing the hard things is worth it. Why? Because those are the things that ultimately define you. Those are the things that make the difference between existing and living—between knowing the path and walking the path—between a life of mediocrity and a life filled with progress and fulfillment.

5. Allow yourself to be imperfectly human. – You can disappoint people and still be good enough. You can fail and still be smart, talented and capable of success. You can let people down and still be worthwhile and deserving of love and admiration. We all make mistakes sometimes. Take a deep breath. It’s OK to be human.

6. Study your mistakes closely and learn from them. – Disappointments and failure are two of the surest stepping-stones to the places you want to go. Again, don’t let a hard lesson harden your heart. When things go wrong, learn what you can and then push the heartbreak aside by refocusing your energy on the present step. Remember that life’s best lessons are often learned at the worst times and from the worst mistakes. We must fail in order to know, and hurt in order to grow. Good things often fall apart so better things can fall together in their place. And what’s better already is the more informed step you’re able to take right now.

7. Choose a positive and effective response. – Happiness doesn’t start with a relationship, a vacation, a job or money. It starts with you. If you want life to be happier, you need to be mindful of your present response. It’s how you deal with stress in each little moment that determines how well you achieve happiness in the end.

8. Directly confront the thoughts that worry you. – A tiny part of your life is decided by completely uncontrollable circumstances, while the vast majority of your life is decided by how you respond to them. You CAN always choose a mindset that moves you forward. And doing so will help you change things from the inside out, and ultimately allow you to grow beyond the struggles you can’t control at any given moment. Here’s a powerful question that will support you with an attitude adjustment when you need it most: Who would you be, and what else would you see, if you removed the thought that’s worrying you?

9. Learn to be more present again. – Don’t avoid eye contact. Don’t hide behind gadgets. Smile often. Ask about people’s stories. Listen. You can’t connect with anyone, including yourself, unless you are undistracted and present. And you can’t be either of the two when you’re Facebooking, Instagramming or Snapchatting your life away on your smartphone. You just can’t! If you are constantly attached to your smartphone and only listening with your ears as your eyes check for the next social update, you are ripping yourself off of actually experiencing real relationships and real life. The same is true for texting too. Yes, someday you will be slapped with the reality of a missed MEMORY being far more unsettling than a missed TEXT!

10. Be strict about making time for the right people. – At some point, when it comes to relationships, you’ll just want to be around the few people who make you smile for all the right reasons. So be intentional about spending more quality time with those who help you love yourself more. And remember that nothing you can give them will ever be more appreciated than your sincere, focused attention—your full presence. Truly being with them, and listening without a clock and without anticipation of the next event, is the highest form of compliment.

11. Choose yourself, too. – You won’t always be a priority to others, and that’s why you have to be a top priority to yourself. Learn to respect yourself, take care of yourself, and become your own support system. Love yourself first and foremost every day, instead of simply loving the idea of other people loving you. Your needs matter. Start meeting them. Don’t wait on others to choose you—choose yourself! And remember that once your needs are met, you will be better equipped and capable of meeting the needs of those few people who matter most to you.

(MARCANDANGEL).

18 Things I Learnt in 2018

1. One day at a time. I have learnt that you will not always find all the answers, and some things will always remain grey. But the secret is to always take life one day at a time. Some things will only get clearer along the way. Don’t try to enter the future all at once. There is power in un-clarity.

2. Random check on people can be really powerful. A friend recounted to me how through a simple phone call she was able to salvage her friend who was on the brink of plunging into third mainland bridge. Care, and truly care for people. Ask ‘how are you’ and really mean it.

3. Dreams do come true. Earlier this year, I’d fiddled with the idea of how great it will be to speak on the TEDx stage someday. Interestingly, I wrote this as one of my 2018 goals even without having a clue on how. On December 1st, I ticked it off. It’s a cliché but you honestly have to see it, before you get it.

4. Stick to your plan. More than ever before, I have learnt the power of sticking to your plan; the latent power in following through. This takes discipline, but it will be worth it in the end.

5. Believe in miracles. The cynics and sceptics will easily want to brush this aside. They will tell you that there is a logical explanation for everything that happens in life. Believe what you may, but I choose to believe in miracles, and 2018 only reaffirmed this conviction.

6. To judge too quickly is both immature and inhuman. There is a bliss that comes when you are less critical of other people. People are going through stuff you have no clue about. And yes, you are not the finished article either.

7. You need to buy the ticket to win the lottery. This phrase is one I pulled out from the sporting books, but nothing can be truer. You can moan all you want, but nothing will change if you never try. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. To never try is to never know.

8. Don’t always find a reason to help. Just be kind. In a world that is perpetually trying to tell you that you need a reason to do everything, this lesson is a path less travelled. You mustn’t have a reason to be kind. Be kind because it is the right thing to do. This is how we make the world a better place beyond rhetoric.

9. Reduce your circle. One of the things age brings to us is the realization that you don’t need too many friends. Your 5,000 friends on Facebook, 10,000 followers on Twitter and 20,000 Instagram fans are all statistics when all is said and done. You need a core, a small core. Those are the people that truly counts.

10. Movies are magical. Boy! They are! I was privileged to see many fascinating movies this year but three stand out for me. Black Panther, The Greatest Showman and Kemi Adetiba’s King of Boys. They all stand out for various reasons. Take out time to see movies; they are magical.

11. The unforgotten story of the world cup. The 2018 world cup staged in Russia will always be remembered for various reasons, but it made my list for unconventional reasons. I learnt that talent is not enough, that you must reinvent yourself or go extinct, that character is everything and that football remains a powerful force.

12. Find and keep what makes you happy. Life is truly too short to spend it living a life that is not yours. Just as Steve Jobs once said, “Have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become.”

13. Understanding the malady that is societal pressure. More than ever before, I saw how this took a toll on lots of people this year. It is key to find what makes you thick, center yourself in it and define your own happiness. Never forget that you can never win with society.

14. It is fine to be tired. Realize that you will not always have it together. There are moments that tears will camp in your eyes, and your heart will ache. It is part of the journey. Rest because you are finite, but never settle there.

15. Stories matter. I like to refer to myself as a storyteller. I have always loved stories but this year, I must have read more stories than ever before. From Yaa Gyasi’s ‘Homegoing’ to Jowhor Ile’s ‘After Many Days’ to Ama Ata’s ‘No Sweetness Here’ and the list goes on. I reaffirmed my belief in stories and this culminated in me publishing my first novel, ‘Cacophony.’

16. The place of loyalty and the little things. If you are a political enthusiast, you will have had plenty to learn from Nigeria’s politics this year. There is so much to learn from the subtle fall of the once golden boy of APC, Akinwunmi Ambode. There is no point rehashing the drama here but there are lessons in loyalty and recognizing the little things (that mean so much) to be learnt.

17. Abuja is a great city. It is fitting that I am only learning this in 2018 but I needed to do a full circle on this one first. Abuja is truly a great city. The fantastic road network and the sanity of life makes it a great place. Will I choose it over Lagos? It depends.

18. Love remains a beautiful thing, so never get it twisted. This one explains itself. You might have been disappointed, heart broken or unlucky, but it doesn’t dowse the power of love. Love is and will always remain, a beautiful thing!

11 Signs You’re Doing Better Than You Think

1. You are alive.

2. You are able to see the sunrise and the sunset.

3. You didn’t go to sleep hungry last night.

4. You awoke this morning with a roof over your head.

5. You had a choice of what clothes to wear.

6. You haven’t feared for your life today.

7. You have overcome some considerable obstacles, and you have learned and survived.

8. You often worry about what you’re going to do with your life – your career, your family, the next step, etc. – which means you have ambition, passion, drive, and the freedom to make your own decisions.

9. You have a friend or relative who misses you and looks forward to your next visit.

10. You have access to the Internet.

11. You can read (my favorite).

(MARCANDANGEL).

A List To Live By

1. Life isn’t fair, but it’s still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
5. If you don’t ask, you don’t get.
6. You don’t have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It’s more healing than crying alone.
8. It’s OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
11. Make peace with your past so it won’t screw up the present.
12. Its OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don’t compare your life to others’. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14 If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn’t be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don’t worry; God never blinks.
16. Life is too short for long pity parties. Get busy living, or get busy dying.
17. You can get through anything if you stay put in today.
18. A writer writes. If you want to be a writer, write.
19. It’s never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don’t take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don’t save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don’t wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: “In five years will it matter?”
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone for everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your family will.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn’t do.
35. Whatever doesn’t kill you really does make you stronger.
36. Growing old beats the alternative — dying young.
37. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
38. Read the Psalms. They cover every human emotion.
39. Life isn’t tied with a bow, but it’s still a gift.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d grab ours back.

(MarcandAngel).