Finding Happiness

As we grow older in life, it is less about activities and more about those things that helps us connect to our core, that give us a spring in our steps and that ultimately adds meaning to our existence.

Yesterday, I met a Polish guy in a local restaurant in Stavager, who told me that he had a failed encounter with suicide just the night before. But for his sister who barged into his room at the wee hours of the morning, he would have had an encounter with a substance; the kind that takes you away from this realm. His burden? He has been unhappy for far too long, and this sadness have snowballed into being suicidal. We must have spent about 90 minutes in a conversation, and while I do not pride myself as some sorts of therapist with a curative wand, I lent 'unstraying' ears to him all through and that have partly forced me to write this afterwards. Ultimately, this guy in his early 30s considered himself an anathema of some sorts. He decried on how he wakes up most days tired, crestfallen, beaten and sad. His story was a rude reminder of many I have heard on the streets of Lagos and Portharcourt. Young men and women who continuously live behind a mask, until the glue wears off and can't stay anymore. I might be wrong, but my conclusion is that happiness is not one of those things you go seeking for, because nothing will ever be enough.

It almost borders on beating the point now, but it is worth re-emphasizing that you are responsible for your happiness, and the more you seek this externally, the more elusive it becomes. Things, events, people and circumstances can give us joy, but it is almost certainly fleeting. To find happiness, you must look within, you must create your own happiness and you must cut off people and things that pour sadness on you. When it comes to your happiness, you must be selfish. It is ok to unfollow people in real life. In same vein, you must conjure the strength to curtail habits that takes the gleam out of your face. They say bad habits are spiraling slides that drag you round and round down the narrowing end of a cone that eventually ends up in a dark, tight, confining spot. I know it is not easy, but you have to find a way.

Everyday, we must make choices that gives meaning to our lives. We must be deliberate about shutting out the noises from the busy streets of social media and from the confines of friends and family. These noises can disguise as jokes, advice, insinuations or warnings but they all constitute pressure for many, while for some it leaves them worthless. Take advice but always put your filter on. There are too many life experts in the world today, never mind that most of them have been unable to get their own lives together. Be deliberate about distancing yourself from those things and people that hamper your happiness. Do it for yourself. Do it for this one precious life you have. Recently, I have had to advice a friend to quit her job without the immediate certainty of another. I am not one to give such profound admonition as I generally consider myself to be too circumspect in such matters. However, in the case in question, this lady was no longer living. And to continue in a job that causes her that much pain meant that it was only a matter before something more costly would have given.

They say if you live very long enough you will discover that you truly don't need as much friends as you think you do to have a smashing life. Add to the fact that many of what many people call friends today are barely worthy of the name. Yet, some people somehow hinge their happiness on the opinions of these people.

Ultimately, and I know this will irk some but I write from my own experience. The only one in whom you can find true happiness, is God. To forge a relationship with him and nurture that relationship is where you will find peace. He will teach you priorities, he will show you what is important always and he will counsel you to never sweat the small stuff. This is not a role any human can adequately play in your life. In the final analysis, never forget that your happiness is your responsibility! Don't delegate it.