7 Difficult Things You Should Start Doing for the People Around You

1. Start being a source of sincere support.
The closest thing to being cared for is to care for others. Again, we are all in this together and we should treat each other as such. The very demons that torment each of us, torment others all over the world. It is our challenges and troubles that connect us at the deepest level.

If you think about the people who have had the greatest positive effect on your life—the ones who truly made a difference—you will likely realize that they aren’t the ones that tried to give you all the answers or solve all your problems. They’re the ones who sat silently with you when you needed a moment to think, who lent you a shoulder when you needed to cry, and who tolerated not having all the answers, but stood beside you anyway. Be this person for those around you every chance you get.

2. Start going out of your way to show respect.
Life’s greatest privilege is to become who you truly are. You have to dare to be yourself, one hundred percent, however anxious or odd that self may prove to be. The people who support you in doing so are extraordinary. Appreciate these people and their kindness, and pay it forward when you’re able.

Never bully someone into silence. Never victimize others for being different. Accept no one’s close-minded definition of another person. Let people define themselves. You have the ability to show people how awesome they are, just the way they are. So act on this ability without hesitation; and don’t forget to show yourself the same courtesy.

Ultimately, how far you go in life depends on your willingness to be helpful to the young, respectful to the aged, tender with the hurt, supportive of the striving, and patient with those who are weaker or stronger than the majority.

3. Start leading with the truth.
Trust is the bedrock of all healthy communication, and when trust is broken it takes a long time and commitment on the part of both parties involved to repair it and heal. The key thing to remember here is that secrets can be just as deceitful as openly telling a lie.

If you’re covering up your tracks or withholding the truth in any way, it’s only a matter of time before the truth comes out and trust in the relationship completely breaks down. So speak the truth openly and kindly, always.

4. Start communicating clearly, without needless drama.
Frequent name-calling, threats, eye-rolling, belittling, mockery, hostile teasing, etc. In whatever form, gestures like these are poisonous to a relationship because they convey hate. And it’s virtually impossible to resolve an interpersonal dispute of any kind when the other person is constantly receiving the message that you hate them.

Also, keep in mind that if someone makes a mistake and you choose to forgive them, your actions must reinforce your words. In other words, let bygones be bygones. Don’t use their past wrongdoings to justify your present righteousness. When you constantly use someone’s past wrongdoings to make yourself seem “better” than them (“I’m better than you because, unlike you, I didn’t do XYZ in the past.”), it’s a lose-lose situation.

Replace your negative thoughts with positive communication! Because the truth is, if you’re throwing hateful gestures at a person instead of communicating with them, there’s a good chance they don’t even know why you’re being so mean.

And remember, the single greatest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place. When we hear only what we want to hear, we’re not really listening. We must listen to what we don’t want to hear too. Because that’s how we grow stronger, together.

5. Start tuning in, especially when you feel like tuning out.
In other words, no more silent treatments of any kind!

Tuning out, ignoring, disengaging, refusing to acknowledge, etc. All variations of the silent treatment don’t just remove the other person from the argument you’re having with them, it ends up removing them, emotionally, from the relationship you have with them, and the understanding you hope to reach.

When you’re ignoring someone, you’re really teaching them to live without you—to ignore you right back. If that’s what you want, be clear about it. And if not, tune back in!

6. Start giving people your undivided attention while you’re with them.
You don’t have to tell people that you care, just show them. In your relationships and interactions with others, nothing you can give is more appreciated than your sincere, focused attention. Being with someone, listening without a clock and without anticipation of results is the ultimate compliment. It is indeed the most valued gesture you can make to another human being.

When we pay attention to each other we breathe new life into each other. With frequent attention and affection our relationships flourish, and we as individuals grow wiser and stronger. We help heal each other’s wounds and support each other’s growth. So give someone the gift of YOU—your time, undivided attention and kindness.

7. Start giving more recognition and praise (in public).
Give genuine praise whenever possible. Doing so can be difficult, yet it’s a mighty act of service. Start noticing what you like about others and speak up. Having an appreciation for how amazing the people around you are is extremely rewarding. It’s an investment in them that doesn’t cost you a thing, and the returns can be astounding. Not only will they feel empowered, but also what goes around comes around, and sooner or later the people you’re cheering for will start cheering for you too.

Finally, be sure to follow this rule: “Praise in public, penalize in private.” Never publicly ridicule someone when you have the option not to. If you don’t understand someone, ask questions. If you don’t agree with them, respectfully tell them. But don’t judge them behind their back to everyone else.

(MARCANDANGEL).

Oshiomhole: Lessons From The Chequered Comrade

They say he whom the gods wishes to destroy, they first make mad with power; the case of Adams Oshiomhole, provides some perspectives. The self-styled comrade is no stranger to public life, neither is he a novice to the vicissitudes that comes with it. He was first appointed General Secretary of the National Union of Textile Garment and Tailoring Workers of Nigeria in 1982. This was a launching pad for his national activism between 1999 to 2007, where he held the position of the President of the Nigeria Labour Congress. His many battles with then president, Olusegun Obasanjo, is well chronicled. Oshiomhole was a fine voice in those days. He endeared his little frame into the fragile hearts of many Nigerians, and the 25% wage increase he negotiated for public sector workers was arguably his finest hour in his labour days.

However, the wine jar of political life intoxicates differently. Adams Oshiomhole was first to taste this with being governor of Edo state in April 2007. True to the political script of most Nigerian governors, he did two terms of eight years. The jury is still out in some quarters on the verdict of those eight years as governor. Depending on who you ask, in a state that is steep in political divisions and alliances, you will probably not get the gospel truth. Yet, more travails awaited him ahead. On June 23rd 2018, Oshiomhole emerged national chairman of the ruling party, All Progressives Congress (APC). The battles Oshiomhole he had fought in his activism days were nothing compared to those he had had to contend with over these last 18 months. Particularly over the last few months, he became a familiar name in courts. It was one injunction to the other. First suspended, then he appealed, then his appeal collapsed, and he remained suspended. All these culminated to the dissolution of his National Working Committee on June 25th, by Victor Giadom, the recognized leader by the President, Muhammadu Buhari.

Oshiomhole’s case is a curious one. Perhaps, the biggest vitriolic against him was the fact that he fought too many battles. He meddled in state politics far more than had been witnessed, at least in recent times, and he fell out with quite a lot of key political players in the process. He was quick to remind everyone of his status as national chairman. Often, when a leader has to always seek validation and remind all and sundry of the powers he wields, then there is something suspect about that leadership. Afterall, these things should be obvious. The last straw that drove the final nail into his political coffin was his battle with his successor in Edo state, Godwin Obaseki. We can go on an endless diatribe on who was right, and who was wrong, but one thing we can all agree on, is that the fight was a bit too messy at times. Rocks were randomly hurled, truly dirty linens were exposed, and almost all the political dark cards were played. It made for great television, but it was very sad to watch at times. Oshiomhole and Obaseki just didn’t know when to stop. And then there was the interesting point around ‘Party Supremacy.’ This was arguably the most used phrase by Adams Oshiomhole in his time as national chairman. He would often play this card with a rider that goes ‘I have spoken with Mr. President…’ Oshiomhole might well have meant well in trying to entrench party supremacy particularly in a political terrain such as ours where flouting the rule book, and playing god is such a big thing. However, he was tactless in doing this. It is also instructive that the president whom he was always quick to reference also read the signs and knew when to jump ship. There is an avalanche of lessons to learn for us all in all of these.

Adorned in his trademark khaki, Oshiomhole had called for a press conference on June 27th where he declared that ‘I accept APC NWC dissolution in good faith.’ It was a screeching end to a plethora of running battles that appeared to have taken its toll on the Iyamho kid. He looked spent, beaten and a tad tired. It remains to be seen if there is still life in this old dog or have we just witnessed the final act of the ‘Oshiomhole show.’ Oshiomhole has always proven to be a formidable adversary, always having one last fight in him, but at 68, with the burden of his chequered past, there is the feeling that the comrade might be hanging his fading khaki in place of some home casuals, sooner rather than later. Time will tell.

Never Let A Good Crisis Go To Waste

In the final brief handed down to over seven billion of us in the world, we completely missed the memo that 2020 was to be an unscripted year, bedeviled by the unprecedented and with no handrails. COVID 19 was already with us at the start of the year but we had confined it to the patchy streets of Wuhan, believing that we could beat it to death in that corner of the world. Good Grief! Were we massively wrong!

The tales of how the virus evolved from an unknown phenomenon to becoming the daily realities of many around the world are already well chronicled. A rehash here will be relieving the trauma twice. These times have forced us to rethink our humanity and remind us that we are more connected than we like to think. The lines that divide us are incredibly numerous but the thread that holds us together is our common humanity. That thread perhaps deserves far more premium attention than it is currently getting. One will hope that the crisis forces us to recognize the need to always appreciate that thread and nurture if for what it is worth.

It is fascinating how almost every other thing pale in comparison when health and life are the considerations. The last few months have exposed the wretchedness of our vanity, and while no one is under an illusion that wealth probably helps you go through a crisis easier, it doesn’t make you immune, and it is no defense in the face of an arrogant virus that is no respecter of persons. Closely linked to the realization of WHAT is truly important is the reawakening of WHO is truly important. For many people, they spend their life chasing the validation and affirmation of people in the virtual space or those removed from their circle. There is the perennial need to perform for strangers. Reflecting on these times, I hope we have some clarity on who is truly important, who never was and who will always be. Most times there is love waiting for us in the chambers of our home but some of us go searching for it with those who will never count.

The first half of the year have entirely shredded all the financial analysis and permutations by the economic eggheads. Stocks have plummeted, Shares have taken a nosedive, several industries are still wondering on what had hit them. The financial script for the year has clearly been altered. The world economy will recover but boy, is anyone even daring to put some timelines now after the folly of our collective predictions earlier in the year. It behooves then on each one of us to make do with what we are left with. Wisdom is not to make financial decisions in the state of panic, but to be aware enough to cut your losses and leverage new and not so obvious opportunities.

It is also pertinent to reconnect to your individual coping mechanism at times like this. It could be music, literature, work out, whatever. The goal is to stay connected to those activities that energies you. The news is frankly mostly dirges of woes these days and the smart thing is to protect your sanity by reconnecting to your energy boosters.

And when all is said and done, I hope we all come to the subtle realization that this crisis in all its dimensions have also come to teach us the power of gratitude. To recognize the things, we like to ignore. To see the things that elude us. To be thankful for the things we like to forget. And to be grateful each day for the things we have that life’s riches cannot obtain. I hope we remember all these and that we come out of this crisis as better individuals and a much better collective. May we not let this crisis go to waste.

3 Tough Things We Need to Do to Be Happy in Tough Times

1. Be fully present in each moment.
Life is not lived in some distant, imagined land of someday where everything is perfect. It is lived here and now, with the reality of the way things are. Yes, by all means you can hope for and work toward an idealized tomorrow. Yet to do so, you must successfully deal with the world as it is today.

Sometimes we avoid experiencing exactly where we are because we have developed a belief, based on past experiences, that it is not where we should be or want to be. But the truth is, where you are now is exactly where you need to be to get to where you want to go tomorrow. So practice appreciating where you are.

Your family members are too beautiful to ignore. Call them. Text them. Take a moment to remember how fortunate you are to be breathing. Take a look around, with your eyes earnestly open to the possibilities. Much of what you fear does not exist in the space around you. Much of what you love is closer than you realize. You are just one brief thought away from understanding the blessing that is your life.

Remind yourself that happiness is a mindset that can only be designed into the present. It’s not a point in the future or a moment from the past, and yet this misconception hurts the masses more often than we realize. So many young people seem to think all their happiness awaits them in the years ahead, while so many older people believe their best moments are behind them. COVID-19 is only exacerbating these kinds of mindsets right now. Don’t let it get the best of you.

2. Bring gratitude and passion into the little things.
Over the years, Angel and I have guided hundreds of friends, course students and Think Better, Live Better conference attendees through a process of finding sincere gratitude and passion in tough times—a process of stepping forward gracefully, no matter what…

A couple short years ago, on the second to last day of her life, a friend of mine, who I was coaching daily, told me her only regret was that she didn’t appreciate every year with the same passion and purpose that she had in the last two years of her life, after she was diagnosed with terminal cancer. “I’ve accomplished so much recently—so much inner growth—and truly appreciated every moment of it,” she said. “If I had only known, I would have started sooner.”

Her words made me cry and smile at the same time. What was truly miraculous was seeing the genuine gratitude in her eyes at that moment. She was immensely grateful for actually being able to accomplish the little things she had accomplished in her final two years. And her sentiment has always remained with me, and sits at the top of my mind right now. While I agree that dealing with the COVID-19 pandemic is disheartening, and that it can be very painful and debilitating for some people, the pain for most of us can still be mediated by a sense of gratitude and passion for being alive. For still having a chance to do the little things that bring us joy. For still having a life worth living, from moment to precious moment.

Honestly, you’re doing it right when you have so much to cry and complain about, but you prefer to breathe deep and appreciate your life instead. Because there is always, always, always something to be thankful for and some reason to take another step forward. Just invest your heart and soul into whatever you have right in front of you. Bring gratitude and passion into otherwise ordinary moments…

What if you woke up tomorrow with only the little things you were thankful for and passionate about today?

3. Be consistent with healthy daily rituals.
About a decade ago, when I was intensely focused on weight lifting and physical strength training, I gradually learned that you can’t be truly committed to anything worthwhile if you have a weak mind that’s unwilling to do tough things. To combat this, I wrote two simple questions on two different post-it notes and stuck one on my bathroom mirror and the other inside my gym locker:

How many daily workouts have you missed because your mind, not your body, told you that you were too tired?
How many daily workout reps have you skipped because your mind, not your body, said, “Nine reps is enough. Don’t worry about the tenth”?
To this day, the answer to both questions is surely hundreds for most people, including myself. Weakness of the mind can easily get the best of us, especially when the going gets tough. And the only way to fix this weakness is daily practice.

Far too often we think inner strength is all about how we respond to extremely dire circumstances, like actively coping with Covid-19: Can we keep our lives together even after suffering from a major illness, or losing our livelihood?

There’s no doubt that extremely dire circumstances test our bravery, determination and inner strength, but what about less dire, daily circumstances? Perhaps just passively coping with Covid-19 from a distance, when it’s not directly and personally debilitating us.

What we need to remember is that the mind needs to be exercised to gain strength. It needs to be worked consistently in healthy ways to grow strong. If you refuse to push yourself forward a little bit every day, of course you will feel completely stuck when the going gets tough.

But you don’t have to feel that way right now…

Choose to do some sit-ups in your bedroom every morning when it would be easier to sleep in. Choose to do the ten reps when it would be easier to quit at nine. Choose to create something special (like a new journal entry, drawing, or family highlight video) when it would be easier to consume something mediocre on TikTok or Instagram. Choose to send loving texts to family and friends when it would be easier to watch another show on Netflix. Prove to yourself, in dozens of little ways over the next few weeks, that you have the discipline to get in the ring and wrestle with life.

Inner strength is always built through lots of small, daily victories. It’s the individual choices we make day-to-day that build our “inner strength muscles.” We all want this kind of strength, especially in tough times, but we can’t simply think our way to it. If you want it, you have to do something about it ritualistically. It’s your positive daily rituals that prove your mental fortitude and move you in a positive direction.

(MARCANDANGEL).

What It Means To Have Truly Lived...

To lift up the burden of another while you trudge yours along.

To help another find company while solitude fastens itself around you.

To catch a sagging spirit while yours is barely grovelling in the basement.

To say a word of prayer with another while your litany of heart desires remain on queue.

To comfort the one who just lost a loved one while you had to bury your baby son in a box.

To ditch out refined hope while uncertainty looms over your life like a White tailed eagle.

To come off the phone with a friend who is contemplating suicide while having to cry yourself to sleep with your niggling depressing thoughts.

To preach the effervescent love of God while you can't seem to find him in your chaos.

To give your last bread to another with the maleovance assurances of lack going through your life with a fine tooth comb.

To help another find sleep while insomnia makes love to you all night.

To trudge into bed every night, beaten and tired from the strain of living. Yet, each morning when the alarm goes off, you find the last ounce of tenacity to pick yourself and go again, assured that if you just keep living, life will somehow break for you along the way. God is on your side!

Letter to my Friend: Getting Ready For Life After COVID 19

Dear Friend,

Top of the day to you…and that is me imagining that there is any cherry left at the top of our days in these times. It must truly be an unprecedented time for you. Whatever you do, hang in there, and just ensure that we all scrape through this in one piece. It is amidst all of the drama that I thought to put some ink on paper for you; something for you to chew on. Call it my little note of wisdom. You know I am trying to ensure that my motivational career takes flight as a side hustle. No one knows tomorrow my dear friend.

I sincerely hope that you have used this period to put on some weight, fatten your flesh and grow bigger. Forget the naysayers, the true test of a man’s arrival to wealth is in the amount of body meat he can boost of. Eat my friend, eat like your life depends on it; you only live once afterall. Pay no attention to the calories at this point. Discard going to the gym or doing any form of hiking. The virus is an arrogant one and it is on the prowl. Don’t risk your one fragile life in the name of ‘keeping fit.’ Stay away from those who tell you to invest your hard-earned money in books. They don’t have your best interest at heart. How will anyone in their right senses even suggest investment in books in these times. Things are hard; money is scarce, and the last thing you want to do is to subject your already strained brain to any form of stimulating activity. Who needs books when you can gain all the inspiration you need from the video nuggets of our Prophet Odumeje, the most revered Indaboski Pahose of our time. And for those that tell you to read on your phone, they are just being ludicrous. Too much of screen light is damaging to your eyes, and you need those eyes to engage in far more rewarding ventures, which brings me to my next point.

I can also imagine that you must have spent so much money on data at this time. You know my advice? Spend more. Data is king. Data is everything. Data is life. Try all you can to be online 24/7, even if it means you emptying your life savings on data. The world is moving at a breakneck speed and you need to be at the gate of the internet always to gulp it all in. Frolic from one social media platform to another as much as you can. Stay abreast with the trending topics on Twitter and ensure that you don’t miss all the funny skits on Instagram. While you are at it, remember that those many Instagram live sessions will not watch themselves. Join them all. Show you are present, mark your name in the hall of fame register of the internet. If you can’t see the world physically, at least you can be everywhere on the world wide web. My dear friend, perspective is everything.

Always ensure that you are a walking COVID 19 encyclopedia. From numbers of death rate in New York to infection rates in Moscow, you must have all the trends and statistics in your beck and call. If you can, know the names of all the dead people from COVID 19 by heart. This is hard, but the brain is capable of wonders my friend. Remember that the true test of your intelligence after COVID in conversations with your friends, colleagues and prospective employers will center around your overall knowledge of the virus. Keep abreast dear friend. From Channels TV to CNN, take it all in. Also ensure that you have your notepad while watching the news. You know what they say, the faintest of ink is more powerful than the strongest memory. You really can’t afford to muddle up your COVID 19 statistics.

As I close this letter, may I use the opportunity to inform you that there are plans to ensure that the English Premier League returns in June. Happy days are on the horizon my friend. We shall see all the matches. From Brighton vs Norwich to Watford vs Southampton. My dear friend, I hope I have been able to inspire you in these unprecedented times. Live your life, go wild. The main thing is surviving this phase. Who knows, the kingdom of God may even come at the end of this. Stay woke my dearest friend!

1 Secret to Getting Through Tough Situations (and Truly Bad Days)

Releasing Your Judgments

The truth is, it’s impossible to get over a difficult situation—to let it go—if you’re still obsessively judging it and comparing it to something else. Let’s revisit one specific gut-wrenching situation from your past again—choose one that still stirs negative emotions. And then ask yourself:

Do you believe it should not have happened at all?
Do you believe the outcome should have been different?
Do you take what happened personally?
Do you blame someone else for what happened?
Do you blame yourself?
Do you believe the situation is impossible to get over?
If you caught yourself thinking “yes” to one or more of those questions, then what’s prolonging your suffering and preventing you from getting over it is judgment. Your judgments about what “should have happened” continues to postpone the love, hope, and self-care you know you are capable of practicing.

Now you may be thinking, “What happened was unbelievably horrible! I can’t conceive of ever getting over it!” But releasing your judgment does not mean you’re pleased with what happened, or that you support it, but rather that you are eliminating the negative burden you are carrying by perpetually judging it.

When you let go of your negative judgments, you automatically replace the victim mentality with acceptance and presence. And acceptance and presence together will free your mind and move you forward.

This very same principle applies to our present challenges with COVID-19, especially for those of us who are not ill.

When we think better about our circumstances, we live better in spite of them.

And there is no reason to postpone. Now is the time to practice being more mindful of your judgments and how you respond to life. Of course, that’s much easier said that done. Mindfulness as a daily ritual is the ultimate challenge. It’s a way of living, of being, of seeing, of tapping into the full power of your humanity, without judgment.

At its core, mindfulness is…

Being aware of what’s happening in the present moment without wishing it were different
Enjoying each pleasant experience without holding on when it changes (which it will)
Being with each unpleasant experience without fearing it will always be this way (which it won’t).

(MARCANDANGEL).