18 Things I Learnt in 2018

1. One day at a time. I have learnt that you will not always find all the answers, and some things will always remain grey. But the secret is to always take life one day at a time. Some things will only get clearer along the way. Don’t try to enter the future all at once. There is power in un-clarity.

2. Random check on people can be really powerful. A friend recounted to me how through a simple phone call she was able to salvage her friend who was on the brink of plunging into third mainland bridge. Care, and truly care for people. Ask ‘how are you’ and really mean it.

3. Dreams do come true. Earlier this year, I’d fiddled with the idea of how great it will be to speak on the TEDx stage someday. Interestingly, I wrote this as one of my 2018 goals even without having a clue on how. On December 1st, I ticked it off. It’s a cliché but you honestly have to see it, before you get it.

4. Stick to your plan. More than ever before, I have learnt the power of sticking to your plan; the latent power in following through. This takes discipline, but it will be worth it in the end.

5. Believe in miracles. The cynics and sceptics will easily want to brush this aside. They will tell you that there is a logical explanation for everything that happens in life. Believe what you may, but I choose to believe in miracles, and 2018 only reaffirmed this conviction.

6. To judge too quickly is both immature and inhuman. There is a bliss that comes when you are less critical of other people. People are going through stuff you have no clue about. And yes, you are not the finished article either.

7. You need to buy the ticket to win the lottery. This phrase is one I pulled out from the sporting books, but nothing can be truer. You can moan all you want, but nothing will change if you never try. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. To never try is to never know.

8. Don’t always find a reason to help. Just be kind. In a world that is perpetually trying to tell you that you need a reason to do everything, this lesson is a path less travelled. You mustn’t have a reason to be kind. Be kind because it is the right thing to do. This is how we make the world a better place beyond rhetoric.

9. Reduce your circle. One of the things age brings to us is the realization that you don’t need too many friends. Your 5,000 friends on Facebook, 10,000 followers on Twitter and 20,000 Instagram fans are all statistics when all is said and done. You need a core, a small core. Those are the people that truly counts.

10. Movies are magical. Boy! They are! I was privileged to see many fascinating movies this year but three stand out for me. Black Panther, The Greatest Showman and Kemi Adetiba’s King of Boys. They all stand out for various reasons. Take out time to see movies; they are magical.

11. The unforgotten story of the world cup. The 2018 world cup staged in Russia will always be remembered for various reasons, but it made my list for unconventional reasons. I learnt that talent is not enough, that you must reinvent yourself or go extinct, that character is everything and that football remains a powerful force.

12. Find and keep what makes you happy. Life is truly too short to spend it living a life that is not yours. Just as Steve Jobs once said, “Have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become.”

13. Understanding the malady that is societal pressure. More than ever before, I saw how this took a toll on lots of people this year. It is key to find what makes you thick, center yourself in it and define your own happiness. Never forget that you can never win with society.

14. It is fine to be tired. Realize that you will not always have it together. There are moments that tears will camp in your eyes, and your heart will ache. It is part of the journey. Rest because you are finite, but never settle there.

15. Stories matter. I like to refer to myself as a storyteller. I have always loved stories but this year, I must have read more stories than ever before. From Yaa Gyasi’s ‘Homegoing’ to Jowhor Ile’s ‘After Many Days’ to Ama Ata’s ‘No Sweetness Here’ and the list goes on. I reaffirmed my belief in stories and this culminated in me publishing my first novel, ‘Cacophony.’

16. The place of loyalty and the little things. If you are a political enthusiast, you will have had plenty to learn from Nigeria’s politics this year. There is so much to learn from the subtle fall of the once golden boy of APC, Akinwunmi Ambode. There is no point rehashing the drama here but there are lessons in loyalty and recognizing the little things (that mean so much) to be learnt.

17. Abuja is a great city. It is fitting that I am only learning this in 2018 but I needed to do a full circle on this one first. Abuja is truly a great city. The fantastic road network and the sanity of life makes it a great place. Will I choose it over Lagos? It depends.

18. Love remains a beautiful thing, so never get it twisted. This one explains itself. You might have been disappointed, heart broken or unlucky, but it doesn’t dowse the power of love. Love is and will always remain, a beautiful thing!

11 Signs You’re Doing Better Than You Think

1. You are alive.

2. You are able to see the sunrise and the sunset.

3. You didn’t go to sleep hungry last night.

4. You awoke this morning with a roof over your head.

5. You had a choice of what clothes to wear.

6. You haven’t feared for your life today.

7. You have overcome some considerable obstacles, and you have learned and survived.

8. You often worry about what you’re going to do with your life – your career, your family, the next step, etc. – which means you have ambition, passion, drive, and the freedom to make your own decisions.

9. You have a friend or relative who misses you and looks forward to your next visit.

10. You have access to the Internet.

11. You can read (my favorite).

(MARCANDANGEL).

A List To Live By

1. Life isn’t fair, but it’s still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
5. If you don’t ask, you don’t get.
6. You don’t have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It’s more healing than crying alone.
8. It’s OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
11. Make peace with your past so it won’t screw up the present.
12. Its OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don’t compare your life to others’. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14 If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn’t be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don’t worry; God never blinks.
16. Life is too short for long pity parties. Get busy living, or get busy dying.
17. You can get through anything if you stay put in today.
18. A writer writes. If you want to be a writer, write.
19. It’s never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don’t take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don’t save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don’t wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: “In five years will it matter?”
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone for everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your family will.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn’t do.
35. Whatever doesn’t kill you really does make you stronger.
36. Growing old beats the alternative — dying young.
37. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
38. Read the Psalms. They cover every human emotion.
39. Life isn’t tied with a bow, but it’s still a gift.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d grab ours back.

(MarcandAngel).

Cut People Some Slack (My Story)

I was in the queue to check into an hotel when a man probably in his early 40's brisked pass me so fast that he nearly knocked me off. The hotel security was quick to point out to him that there is a queue and he will have to be behind me. The man glanced at me with scornful eyes and responded in a fierce voice 'Nonsense. I am checking in now.' His accent gave him away as French. The hotel security were going to begin a scene but I told them not to bother, that I will wait.

Interestingly, there was another opening at an alternative check in counter so I simply made my way there. I was still concluding my check in modalities when I heard the same French man screaming at the hotel attendant. Clearly, there was an issue with his booking and he was not taking any prisoners on that. He was making his feelings known, never mind that the fault might have been his.

I had finished my check in modalities but I observed that this man was still there, cursing and somewhat flustered. I told the concierge to take my stuff to the room and I remained there, determined to have a conversation with this man. Not to return his insults but to make it clear to him that he should learn some decorum and respect others. So I waited and waited.

Eventually, the man was asked to wait at the reception as further confirmation was required to validate his booking. It was at this point I approached him, still poised to 'clear him.' However, as I approached where he was seated I noticed that his eyes were heavy, his shoulders slumped and his countenance was uneasy. I changed my script at this point and simply said 'Hi.' He looked up at me and was quick to say how sorry he was for the earlier episode. He added that he was having a rough patch. Curious, both genuinely and in a typical 'amebo' way I was quick to tell him that his apology was accepted and that I didn't come to start another scene. He was grateful. Then I asked him what was wrong. He told me that he was just flying in from France on a company business and that he had to leave his 7 year old son behind who was battling a severe brain tumour. His only child. He further mentioned that his wife had just passed away. He clearly didn't want to make the trip but he had to as this was critical for his company. Hence, everything was getting to him.

I felt sad for him. I had no words but to just listen to him and all I could say at the end was 'Take it easy. It will be fine.' Thankfully, his booking had been sorted at this point. He thanked me and we parted ways.

Truly, we are all going through stuff. To recognize this is to be easy on people. Most often than not, people's reaction towards you is not always about you. There is a 'world' they are reacting to. You are only an outlet. Even when your ego is bruised and you want to rightly stand up for yourself, remember this truth and just be nice and kind.

For when all is said and done, we will all have bad days. Days when our tempers will flare, days when life will stretch our patience and circumstances will almost bring us to a breaking point. The key is that we cut people some slack on their bad days, safe in the thought that the world will be easy on us too on our worse days.

Why Mourinho Polarizes Opinion

From his teething coaching days in Benfica, Jose Mourinho already had the makings of pure box office. The notoriety became pronounced after he lifted the Champions League trophy with FC Porto, against all odds. His arrival in English football at the summer of 2004 fully entrenched him into footballing lexicon; and coaching narrative was going to be redefined forever.

Today, one can clearly say that Jose has come of age in coaching terms. He has been around for the better part of two decades, and irrespective of the disdain anyone holds for him, he is an undisputed serial winner. Since 2002, Mourinho has won eight league titles across Portugal, England, Italy and Spain. He has bagged the Champions League twice, won the Europa League twice and added thirteen other domestic cups along the way. Yet, each time Jose Mourinho’s name is in the narrative, there is still a contention, a polarization of opinion and a twinge of vitriolic spewing around in the verbiage. The kind that is not present when a certain Pep Guardiola or Sir Alex Ferguson are being discussed.

To my mind, there are two issues here. Jose Mourinho’s brand of football has always had pragmatism at the center. In his early days, this was perfectly acceptable as perhaps only Barcelona had the prerogative of being tagged ‘tiki-taka.’ But football has evolved since 2004, and sadly Jose has not done enough to evolve with it. From Manchester City to Liverpool, to Napoli to Bayer Munich, there is now more to winning than the score line. Most of the aforementioned clubs have showed that it is possible to win and win well. Jose’s plight has also been made complicated by the fact that he is not winning as much these days. A lot can be overlooked by a good run of results, but the diverse scrutiny is unleashed when this is not a given. But this is not all of Jose’s sins. He has also earned a reputation as the master of the dark acts in coaching. From storming off the pitch before full time, to poking the eyes of then Barcelona assistant manager, Tito Vilanova, he hasn’t covered himself in glory. Football is a game of passion and emotions, and it is acceptable in speaking terms that a manager or player will lose his head every now and then but there is something gross about Jose’s history in this regard. An evidence of that can be seen in his treatment by Chelsea fans at the last visit of Manchester United to the Bridge. There is a place for footballing rivalry but to be so grossly scorned by a set of fans you helped put their football club on the map probably says a lot about you as a person. One cannot purge the Chelsea fans of all blames though and it is perhaps true that Jose Mourinho will be truly revered when he eventually calls it quit on the touchline.

Jose Mourinho will remain a legend and his coaching exploits will forever be extant. But when he does a genuine inquest he will see that much of the inimical narrative that accompanies him, he brought upon himself. Fans like the rest of the world move on eventually but character, grace and reputation are hallmarks of a man that will always be remembered in the final analysis.

5 “Notes to Self” About the Precious Little Time You Have Left

1. Opportunity is only ever found in the present.
Some people wait all day for 5pm, all week for Friday, all year for the holidays, all their lives for happiness and peace. Don’t be one of them. Life is too short. Time is running out. Don’t wait until your life is almost over to realize how good it has been. The secret to happiness and peace is letting this moment be what it is, instead of what you think it should be, and then making the very best of it.

If you don’t allow yourself to move past what happened, what was said, what was felt, you will look at your present and future through that same dirty lens and nothing will be able to focus your foggy judgment. Realize this. What you do now matters more than what happened yesterday.

2. Your entire life can be customized from day to day.
There are hundreds of people in every town on Earth who live their entire lives on the default settings, never realizing they can customize everything. Don’t be one of them. Don’t settle for the default settings in life.

Find your loves, your talents, your passions, and embrace them. Don’t hide behind other people’s decisions. Don’t let others tell you what you want, or what you are capable of. Explore the unknown! Test the limits! Design YOUR journey every step of the way. The life you create from doing something that moves and excites you is far better than the life you get from sitting around wishing you were doing it.

3. The willingness to do hard things makes life worth living.
If you want a job, be ready to work. If you want a relationship, be ready to work. If you want a family, be ready to work. If you want happiness, be ready… To learn and earn and give and grow, NOT just want and have and take and show.

Truth be told, one of the most important abilities you can develop in life is the willingness to accept and grow through life’s challenges and discomforts. Because the best things are often hard to come by, at least initially. And if you shy away from hard work and discomfort, you’ll miss out on them entirely. Mastering a new skill is hard. Building a business is hard. Writing a book is hard. A marriage is hard. Friendship is hard. Parenting is hard. Staying healthy is hard. But all are amazing and worth every bit of effort you can muster.

4. Daily kindness is a beautiful legacy to leave behind.
Some people will be kind to you. Some won’t. Be kind anyway.

Through kindness you have the ability to make a profound difference in every life you touch, including your own. When you guide somebody who is lost and confused, when you hold somebody who is sad and grieving, when you hug somebody who has lost all their hope, you too will feel yourself healing and growing stronger.

So just keep reminding yourself that you will end up terribly disappointed if you expect people will always do for you as you do for them. Not everyone has the same heart, strength and inner resolve as you. No matter what has happened, or what happens today, let kindness be your superpower. Being extra kind to people is a peaceful way to live in each moment, and a beautiful legacy to leave behind in the long run.

5. Everything will change again, faster and sooner than expected.
Nothing lasts. Everything changes. Day to day is a winding journey.

As human beings we are constantly outgrowing what we once thought we couldn’t live without, and falling in love with what we didn’t even know we wanted. Life literally keeps leading us on journeys we would never go on if it were up to us. Don’t be afraid. Have faith. Find the lessons. Trust the journey.

You will gradually learn that nobody gets too far without losing somebody they love, something they need, or something they thought was meant to be. But it is these very losses that make us stronger and eventually move us toward future opportunities. Embrace these opportunities. Enter new relationships and new situations, knowing that you are venturing into unfamiliar territory. Be ready to learn, be ready for a challenge, and be ready to experience something or meet somebody that just might change your life forever.

(MARCANDANGEL).

In The Final Analysis, It Is One Life We Are All Given

Nia Vardalos once said ‘You only get one life so you might as well make it a happy one, and that's why I tend to just jump into things. I'm sort of a fearless idiot that way.’ It is a cliché which we have heard from time immemorial that life is short. But how many of us actually live our day to day lives like we’re really going to die one day? Aware that this thing called life is fleeting, and more importantly, a non-rehearsal.

Many of us live lives filled with tedium, responsibilities, and unpleasant chores. We spend so much of our mental energy just getting through each day that it’s easy to forget that our time on earth is finite, that each moment we fritter away is a moment we will never get back. This is a reality that though many are aware of, has not really sunk in.

Everything you desire in life has a price and you have to be willing to accept that price. If you desire to do great work, it will cost you. Likewise, security and comfort will cost you. If you want a luxury apartment with a wrap-around sectional couch in leather with stainless steel legs, it will cost you. In the same vein, there is a cost for not living your life to the fullest. Days will be drudging and hardly rewarding if you live this way. It is important that whatever career path you take in life, you don’t lose your spark and adventure.

There is an avalanche of literature that preaches on the need to be careful in life and lead a conservative life. The real question, however, is what is the price of throwing caution to the wind? Often time, it is not as huge as your mind or people will make you believe. However, to not do is to never know. It goes without saying that there is a plethora of people who had the Facebook ‘kind’ dream before Mark Zuckerberg, who conceived the blogging pattern before Linda Ikeji, and the list is endless. The difference is that Mark and Linda did something, understanding that it is much more rewarding to fail and try than to have done nothing, to have never ventured.

Taking a creative risk and stepping off the status quo treadmill requires bravery. It demands embracing risk, and fighting the good fight to face your fears of financial doom without bailing at the first sign of discomfort. The discomfort is just a test. In Bert’s Commencement Speech titled ‘Define Your Own Success and Go Against Life’s Comfort Zone’ he made a striking remark “First, “cool” is way overrated. Cool is a filter that allows inhibitions and prevents you from doing what you REALLY want to do because you feel you’ll be judged. I never got on a dance floor when I was younger for fear I’d be laughed at. I married a woman that loves to dance and I now wonder how many memories I’ve lost by not sharing a dance floor with the woman I love most. Every time you allow cool to win, you cheat yourself of living life to its fullest on your own terms. Which brings me to this. Live life to the fullest on your own terms. Pioneer your own way. Trail blaze your unique path. Others’ social rules can’t apply to you because none of us have the same DNA. Go against what’s popular. Be brave enough to be questioned because you went against life’s comfort zone.”

If you ask me, the best way to start living each day to the fullest, and the best way to live life to the fullest, it is to live your life from the end. To contemplate deeply on the truth of impermanence and to admit to yourself that “What is born will die, what has been gathered will be dispersed, what has been accumulated will be exhausted, what has been built up will collapse, and what has been high will be brought low.” ~ Sogyal Rinpoche. Because only when you understand that you have a limited time here on this Earth and only when you admit to yourself that you’re not going to live forever you will start to live each day to the fullest… loving and appreciating yourself, your life and the world around you and making the best of everything life has to offer you. We only get one life. Don’t spend it all at work. Forget working 24/7 and giving 200%. Be great at your job but try things that are outside of work too. An adventurous life is a life well spent, because 15 years from now when you look back over your life, you will regret more the things you didn’t do, than the things you did. The opportunities you allowed go by, the kind words you left unspoken, the places you didn’t visit, the hobby you didn’t pursue, the adventure you didn’t explore and the family time you didn’t spend are all the kind of regrets that can come with always playing it safe. It is true that we only have one life but if we live it to the utmost fullest, it should well be enough.

Randy Pausch, in his 2008 Carnegie Mellon Commencement Speech made a fitting admonition “We don’t beat the Grim Reaper by living longer, we beat the Reaper by living well and living fully, for the Reaper will come for all of us. The question is what do we do between the time we are born and the time he shows up.”

(Culled from my book ‘The Path Less Travelled’ https://www.amazon.com/Path-Less-Travelled-Reflections-Learning/dp/1540663507v ).