3 Toxic Behaviors that Drain Your Mental Energy

1. Your inner craving to control the uncontrollable.

Letting go of control… and being OK with it. That is one of the greatest struggles many of us deal with on a daily basis, myself included. Because letting go of control goes directly against our modernized, industrialized way of living – we are go-getters, doers, architects of our destiny. We build things and make things happen on our own terms; we don’t wait for anything to happen on someone else’s terms! At least that’s what I learned growing up from teachers, sports coaches, movies, songs, magazine articles, and so forth. So allowing things to happen was not in my DNA. I had never been one to sit back and passively let go of control.

Over the years, however, my perspective has shifted. I’ve learned the hard way that a great deal of the control we believe we have over our lives is an illusion. For example, I’ve since met…The only choice we have: Let go, and be mindful…In the game of life, we all receive a unique set of un…

Who Wants Buhari Dead?

May 7th was the date when President Buhari proceeded on his second medical mission to the United Kingdom for the year. The change ‘poster boy’ has been bedeviled by an undisclosed ailment that has derailed his attention away from presidential duties. The hue and cry that have trailed the absence of the president smacks of the reality that is the social media age. In an era where every Nigerian is armed with 140 twitter characters, and creation of sensational memes is no one’s prerogative, the hysteria has been unbelievable. Some have lampooned the ailing president; others have carried out prayer campaigns for his recovery. The reaction has been surreal.

The general consensus is that the acting president, Yemi Osinbajo has done an okay job in the president’s absence. He has steadied the ship at the least. The reality is that the constitution for all its flaws, envisaged such a scenario and made provisions to ensure that there is no power lacuna. In a sane society, the business of runn…

19 Mantras that Will Adjust Your Attitude (When You Can’t Adjust Anything Else)

1. Most people make themselves unhappy simply by finding it impossible to accept life just as it is presenting itself right now. Be mindful.
2. Happiness doesn’t start with a better relationship, a better degree, a better job, or more money. It starts with your thinking and what you tell yourself today.
3. You may not be able control all the things that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.
4. When you are no longer able to change a situation, you are challenged to change yourself. And doing so, in turn, changes everything.
5. You alone get to choose what matters and what does not. The meaning of everything in your life has precisely the meaning you give it.
6. Use your struggles and frustrations today to motivate you rather than annoy you. You are in control of the way you look at life.
7. Worrying never changes the outcome. Breathe more and worry less. Train your mind to see the lesson in every situation, and then make the best of it.
8. Be selective i…

You Don’t Always Have To Have An Opinion

“Your judgement of other people say more about you than the people that you are judging” – Mhar

At times in life, you don’t always have to air your opinion. You don’t always have to want to prove a point. There are times when accepting feedback and keeping your opinion to yourself saves you from today’s problems and tomorrow’s challenges.

Everywhere we go, someone in our life has an opinion of something we are or are not doing. An opinion on why someone is too young to have kids, but too old to be single. An opinion on why going to University is a waste of money or why not going at all will ruin your life. An opinion on whether you should live with your significant ‘other’ while dating or remain completely solo until married. Do you want me to keep going? I could probably sit here all day making a litany of things people will always have an opinion about. You have life experiences and you want to share the ‘wisdom’ you believe you have acquired. I am not saying it’s a terrible thing,…

6 Toxic Behaviors that Break Relationships Up

1. Using complaints and disagreements as an opportunity to condemn each other.

Complaints are OK. Disagreements are OK too. These are natural, honest reactions to a person’s decisions or behavior. But when complaints and disagreements spiral out of control into global attacks on the person, and not on their decisions or behavior, this spells trouble. For example: “They didn’t call me when they said they would because they were busy and forgot, but because they are a horrible, wretched, evil person.” Remember, there’s a big difference between who someone IS and what they sometimes DO.

2. Using hateful gestures as a substitute for honest communication.

Frequent name-calling, threats, eye-rolling, belittling, mockery, hostile teasing, etc. In whatever form, gestures like these are poisonous to a relationship because they convey hate. And it’s virtually impossible to resolve a relationship problem when the other person is constantly receiving the message that you hate them. Also,…

7 Things You Have to Stop Believing to Live a Successful Life On Your Own Terms

1. Stop believing that someone else has already defined “success” and the path that must be followed to get there.

When I was growing up there was a silent yet unanimously agreed upon definition of what success looked like in my family. Although it was never openly discussed, it was implied through various conversations and decisions I was directly or indirectly included in. The bottom line is that, although challenging, giving up other people’s definition of success is incredibly liberating and ultimately leads to the fullest expression of who you are. Just think about it…Other people aren’t going to live with the results of your choices. So why would you live according to their contrived definition of success? Have you ever honestly asked yourself what success means to YOU? Or have you simply adopted your definition and beliefs from everyone around you? For far too many us, the answer is the latter. By understanding the essence of your goals and how YOU define success, it’s easi…

Ted Talk: Chris Abani - 'On Humanity'

Morning Friends,

This week, I want to share with you a fascinating Ted Talk I stumbled upon. In this talk, Chris Abani tells stories of people: People standing up to soldiers. People being compassionate. People being human and reclaiming their humanity. It's "ubuntu," he says: the only way for me to be human is for you to reflect my humanity back at me. It is a fascinating speech and one that resonates with me.