I Just Stopped By To Remind You Of These 7 Things

As we get entangled in the melee of life, I just thought to stop by, to remind you of seven subtle but crucial truths that you should never lose sight of:

1. I stopped by to remind you that you are enough, just the way you are. Sometimes, in the quest to be more, we forget that we are a complete entity. We can aspire to get better, but we should never think that we are not good enough. You are enough to attract love, you are enough to enjoy the best things of life, you are enough to earn your space in life. I hope you never forget this.

2. I stopped by to remind you to always resist the urge to be around those that make you want to ‘perform.’ Those friends that make you feel small in their presence. Those family members that always want to remind you of your inadequacies. Never give in to that urge that makes you want to show that you are more than you are, even when there are so many incentives to do so. That life is exhausting.

3. I stopped by to remind you to always walk away from unnecessary drama. Remember that humans crave theatrics, and at times, for your own sanity and mental well-being, walk away from all the unnecessary drama.

4. I stopped by to remind you that your emotions are valid. That thing you feel is legitimate. Cry when you want to, whimper when you want to, express joy and love when you want to, and discard that mask that you are living in today.

5. I stopped by to remind you to always pursue happiness in all your getting. Follow your dreams and learn to do it afraid. Sometimes, we are lost in the chase for life’s riches that we fail to recognize what really brings happiness. Ultimately, I hope you take your life one day at a time.

6. I stopped by to remind you on the need to deliberately choose gratitude. Remember that feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it. Show gratitude, publicly and privately. More importantly, be thankful for all the wonderful things in your life. I hope you see them.

7. I stopped by to remind you to always put God first in all you do. I know we are at a time when it is not so fashionable to love God. I hope you are not swayed by the folly of men, and that you realize that your relationship with God is the most important thing in this world

2 Quick Stories that Will Change the Way You Show Up in Your Relationships

Story #1 — True, Good, and Useful
A couple thousand years ago in ancient Greece, the great philosopher Socrates was strolling contemplatively around a community garden when a neighbor walked up to him and said, “You’re never in a million years going to believe what I just heard about our mutual friend…”

“Wait,” Socrates interrupted, putting his hand up in the air. “Before you continue with this story, your words must pass the triple filter test?”

“The what?”

“The triple filter test,” Socrates said.

The neighbor just stared at him with a blank expression.

Socrates continued, “The first filter is Truth. Are you absolutely sure the story you are about to tell me is true?”

“Well, no,” the neighbor said, “I literally just heard it from someone else I know.”

“Ah-ha…” Socrates quickly replied, “then let’s move on to the second filter. Is what you are about to share Good in any way, shape or form?”

“No… no,” the neighbor said, “This story is actually quite…”

Before he could finish his sentence, Socrates interrupted him again, “Ahh… so it may not be true and it is definitely not good.”

“That’s right,” the neighbor assured him.

“Well, you may still be able to save yourself,” Socrates said. “Is anything about the story you want to share Useful?”

The neighbor stared blankly again for a moment and then said, “No, I suppose it’s not really…”

“So, you want to tell me something that may not be true, is definitely not good, and is not useful to know?” Socrates asked. The neighbor looked down at the ground and nodded. “Well, you have no good reason to tell me this story, and you have no good reason to believe it yourself,” Socrates added, as the neighbor dolefully walked away.

. . .

In many ways, not too much has changed since ancient Greece, especially when it comes to the stories we tell ourselves and drama we perpetuate…

Every single day, we invest valuable time and energy into drama and hearsay. Many of us plug into social media first thing in the morning for reasons that have zero to do with what is true for us, good for us, and useful for those around us. Instead, we do it mostly as a default nervous reaction.

In an expansive universe in which there are abundant opportunities to discover what’s true, what’s good, and what’s useful, when we do the opposite, we know it. And while making that compromise — with lots of mind-numbing gossip — is tolerable for a little while, eventually it isn’t anymore. Our negligence catches up to us, and we begin to feel pain.

Don’t fall into the trap today. Instead take Socrates’ advice: simply focus on what is true, good, and useful. It worked well for Socrates a couple thousand years ago, and I assure you it continues to work well for many people today.

Story #2 — How to Love
You’d like Michelle a lot. Most people do. She’s the kind of person who listens when you talk, who smiles often, and who says things that make the people around her smile. She’s incredibly intelligent, but in a way that makes others feel comfortable. It’s the way she expresses herself in simple terms you can understand — almost like she’s articulating the thoughts you already have in your head, but haven’t quite found the right words to say aloud.

And it doesn’t matter who you are either. Michelle always has a way of relating to you. Because, in a way, she’s been there with you all along. She can think like you, so she understands you. It’s truly a special gift. So many of us have limitations in our perceptions. We understand the soldiers but not the politics governing the wars. We understand the people who go to the movies but not the ones who attend rodeos. But somehow, Michelle gets all of us. Again, it’s her gift.

If she hasn’t actually been to the rodeo you’re talking about — or any rodeo at all for that matter — she’ll be honest about it, but she’ll make you feel as if she was right there with you when you attended. And once you return home after spending a night with Michelle, you’ll catch yourself smiling and thinking about how there needs to be more people like her in the world. Because if there were, there would be far less to worry about.

Michelle passed away recently. I don’t really want to discuss the details right now, because honestly, they aren’t relevant. It could have been a car accident. It could have been old age. We are often far too concerned with how people died, rather than how they lived. And I want you to know how Michelle lived. She told stories — lots of stories that contained beautiful, subtle insights and wisdom about our lives and the world around us. And today, I want to share with you the last story she told me before she died:

“One Sunday morning when I was a little girl, my father surprised me and took me to the fishing docks. But instead of fishing, like all the other little girls and boys were doing with their parents, we sat down on the end of one of the docks and watched all the other children fish. For over an hour, we sat there and watched until we left without ever casting a single fishing line into the water.

I was simultaneously sad and angry. On the drive home I told my father that I’d never forgive him for being so mean to me. He looked at me, smiled and said, “I love you, Michelle.” When I didn’t respond, he asked, “Did you notice how happy all the other little girls and boys were? Did you see their smiles? Could you feel the happiness in their hearts?” After a moment of silence I quickly snapped, “I don’t really care! I just want to go fishing like everyone else!” My father took a deep breath and kept driving.

We went back to the fishing docks dozens of Sunday mornings throughout my childhood. And each time we saw dozens of other little girls and boys jumping and laughing and celebrating as they reeled in fish. But we still never cast a single fishing line into the water. We just sat there on the end of that same dock and watched. And my father never explained why. But he didn’t need to. Because years later, after I entered adulthood, and found myself volunteering at a local homeless shelter, I suddenly realized that those mornings spent sitting on that dock was where I learned how to love.”

. . .

Michelle’s last story continues to make me think…

Too often we pass people in a hurry, without caring or thinking twice.

Or we judge those who aren’t moving at our pace.

And rarely do we ever stop. Just to witness. Or to listen. Or to love.

Because we forget, or perhaps never learned, that every passing face represents a story just as captivating, complicated and worthy as our own. Everyone has gone through something that has inadvertently changed them and forced them to struggle, adapt and grow. Everyone’s smile has been earned. Everyone we meet has fought hard, and continues to fight in some way. And to them, their issues are equally as significant and worthwhile as whatever we’re going through.

Pausing from time to time to appreciate all the human beings around us opens our minds. Sharing in their happiness (or their frustrations) opens our hearts. When we take time to pause — to truly witness and listen, instead of bypassing or judging too quickly — we can learn so much… about ourselves, about each other, and about real love.

(MARCANDANGEL).

7 Difficult Things You Should Start Doing for the People Around You

1. Start being a source of sincere support.
The closest thing to being cared for is to care for others. Again, we are all in this together and we should treat each other as such. The very demons that torment each of us, torment others all over the world. It is our challenges and troubles that connect us at the deepest level.

If you think about the people who have had the greatest positive effect on your life—the ones who truly made a difference—you will likely realize that they aren’t the ones that tried to give you all the answers or solve all your problems. They’re the ones who sat silently with you when you needed a moment to think, who lent you a shoulder when you needed to cry, and who tolerated not having all the answers, but stood beside you anyway. Be this person for those around you every chance you get.

2. Start going out of your way to show respect.
Life’s greatest privilege is to become who you truly are. You have to dare to be yourself, one hundred percent, however anxious or odd that self may prove to be. The people who support you in doing so are extraordinary. Appreciate these people and their kindness, and pay it forward when you’re able.

Never bully someone into silence. Never victimize others for being different. Accept no one’s close-minded definition of another person. Let people define themselves. You have the ability to show people how awesome they are, just the way they are. So act on this ability without hesitation; and don’t forget to show yourself the same courtesy.

Ultimately, how far you go in life depends on your willingness to be helpful to the young, respectful to the aged, tender with the hurt, supportive of the striving, and patient with those who are weaker or stronger than the majority.

3. Start leading with the truth.
Trust is the bedrock of all healthy communication, and when trust is broken it takes a long time and commitment on the part of both parties involved to repair it and heal. The key thing to remember here is that secrets can be just as deceitful as openly telling a lie.

If you’re covering up your tracks or withholding the truth in any way, it’s only a matter of time before the truth comes out and trust in the relationship completely breaks down. So speak the truth openly and kindly, always.

4. Start communicating clearly, without needless drama.
Frequent name-calling, threats, eye-rolling, belittling, mockery, hostile teasing, etc. In whatever form, gestures like these are poisonous to a relationship because they convey hate. And it’s virtually impossible to resolve an interpersonal dispute of any kind when the other person is constantly receiving the message that you hate them.

Also, keep in mind that if someone makes a mistake and you choose to forgive them, your actions must reinforce your words. In other words, let bygones be bygones. Don’t use their past wrongdoings to justify your present righteousness. When you constantly use someone’s past wrongdoings to make yourself seem “better” than them (“I’m better than you because, unlike you, I didn’t do XYZ in the past.”), it’s a lose-lose situation.

Replace your negative thoughts with positive communication! Because the truth is, if you’re throwing hateful gestures at a person instead of communicating with them, there’s a good chance they don’t even know why you’re being so mean.

And remember, the single greatest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place. When we hear only what we want to hear, we’re not really listening. We must listen to what we don’t want to hear too. Because that’s how we grow stronger, together.

5. Start tuning in, especially when you feel like tuning out.
In other words, no more silent treatments of any kind!

Tuning out, ignoring, disengaging, refusing to acknowledge, etc. All variations of the silent treatment don’t just remove the other person from the argument you’re having with them, it ends up removing them, emotionally, from the relationship you have with them, and the understanding you hope to reach.

When you’re ignoring someone, you’re really teaching them to live without you—to ignore you right back. If that’s what you want, be clear about it. And if not, tune back in!

6. Start giving people your undivided attention while you’re with them.
You don’t have to tell people that you care, just show them. In your relationships and interactions with others, nothing you can give is more appreciated than your sincere, focused attention. Being with someone, listening without a clock and without anticipation of results is the ultimate compliment. It is indeed the most valued gesture you can make to another human being.

When we pay attention to each other we breathe new life into each other. With frequent attention and affection our relationships flourish, and we as individuals grow wiser and stronger. We help heal each other’s wounds and support each other’s growth. So give someone the gift of YOU—your time, undivided attention and kindness.

7. Start giving more recognition and praise (in public).
Give genuine praise whenever possible. Doing so can be difficult, yet it’s a mighty act of service. Start noticing what you like about others and speak up. Having an appreciation for how amazing the people around you are is extremely rewarding. It’s an investment in them that doesn’t cost you a thing, and the returns can be astounding. Not only will they feel empowered, but also what goes around comes around, and sooner or later the people you’re cheering for will start cheering for you too.

Finally, be sure to follow this rule: “Praise in public, penalize in private.” Never publicly ridicule someone when you have the option not to. If you don’t understand someone, ask questions. If you don’t agree with them, respectfully tell them. But don’t judge them behind their back to everyone else.

(MARCANDANGEL).

Oshiomhole: Lessons From The Chequered Comrade

They say he whom the gods wishes to destroy, they first make mad with power; the case of Adams Oshiomhole, provides some perspectives. The self-styled comrade is no stranger to public life, neither is he a novice to the vicissitudes that comes with it. He was first appointed General Secretary of the National Union of Textile Garment and Tailoring Workers of Nigeria in 1982. This was a launching pad for his national activism between 1999 to 2007, where he held the position of the President of the Nigeria Labour Congress. His many battles with then president, Olusegun Obasanjo, is well chronicled. Oshiomhole was a fine voice in those days. He endeared his little frame into the fragile hearts of many Nigerians, and the 25% wage increase he negotiated for public sector workers was arguably his finest hour in his labour days.

However, the wine jar of political life intoxicates differently. Adams Oshiomhole was first to taste this with being governor of Edo state in April 2007. True to the political script of most Nigerian governors, he did two terms of eight years. The jury is still out in some quarters on the verdict of those eight years as governor. Depending on who you ask, in a state that is steep in political divisions and alliances, you will probably not get the gospel truth. Yet, more travails awaited him ahead. On June 23rd 2018, Oshiomhole emerged national chairman of the ruling party, All Progressives Congress (APC). The battles Oshiomhole he had fought in his activism days were nothing compared to those he had had to contend with over these last 18 months. Particularly over the last few months, he became a familiar name in courts. It was one injunction to the other. First suspended, then he appealed, then his appeal collapsed, and he remained suspended. All these culminated to the dissolution of his National Working Committee on June 25th, by Victor Giadom, the recognized leader by the President, Muhammadu Buhari.

Oshiomhole’s case is a curious one. Perhaps, the biggest vitriolic against him was the fact that he fought too many battles. He meddled in state politics far more than had been witnessed, at least in recent times, and he fell out with quite a lot of key political players in the process. He was quick to remind everyone of his status as national chairman. Often, when a leader has to always seek validation and remind all and sundry of the powers he wields, then there is something suspect about that leadership. Afterall, these things should be obvious. The last straw that drove the final nail into his political coffin was his battle with his successor in Edo state, Godwin Obaseki. We can go on an endless diatribe on who was right, and who was wrong, but one thing we can all agree on, is that the fight was a bit too messy at times. Rocks were randomly hurled, truly dirty linens were exposed, and almost all the political dark cards were played. It made for great television, but it was very sad to watch at times. Oshiomhole and Obaseki just didn’t know when to stop. And then there was the interesting point around ‘Party Supremacy.’ This was arguably the most used phrase by Adams Oshiomhole in his time as national chairman. He would often play this card with a rider that goes ‘I have spoken with Mr. President…’ Oshiomhole might well have meant well in trying to entrench party supremacy particularly in a political terrain such as ours where flouting the rule book, and playing god is such a big thing. However, he was tactless in doing this. It is also instructive that the president whom he was always quick to reference also read the signs and knew when to jump ship. There is an avalanche of lessons to learn for us all in all of these.

Adorned in his trademark khaki, Oshiomhole had called for a press conference on June 27th where he declared that ‘I accept APC NWC dissolution in good faith.’ It was a screeching end to a plethora of running battles that appeared to have taken its toll on the Iyamho kid. He looked spent, beaten and a tad tired. It remains to be seen if there is still life in this old dog or have we just witnessed the final act of the ‘Oshiomhole show.’ Oshiomhole has always proven to be a formidable adversary, always having one last fight in him, but at 68, with the burden of his chequered past, there is the feeling that the comrade might be hanging his fading khaki in place of some home casuals, sooner rather than later. Time will tell.