Wednesday, July 30, 2014

10 Signs it’s Time to Let Go

1.Someone expects you to be someone you’re not. – Don’t change who you are for anyone else. It’s wiser to lose someone over being who you are, than to keep them by being someone you’re not. Because it’s easier to mend a broken heart, than it is to piece together a shattered identity. It’s easier to fill an empty space in your life where someone else used to be, than it is to fill the empty space inside yourself where YOU used to be.

2.A person’s actions don’t match their words. – Everybody deserves somebody who helps them look forward to tomorrow. If someone has the opposite effect on you, because they are consistently inconsistent and their actions don’t match up with their words, it’s time to let them go. It’s always better to be alone than to be in bad company. True friendship is a promise made in the heart – silent, unwritten, unbreakable by distance, and unchangeable by time. Don’t listen to what people say; watch what they do. Your true friends will slowly reveal themselves over time.

3.You catch yourself forcing someone to love you. – Let us keep in mind that we can’t force anyone to love us. We shouldn’t beg someone to stay when they want to leave. That’s what love is all about – freedom. However, the end of love is not the end of life. It should be the beginning of an understanding that love sometimes leaves for a reason, but never leaves without a lesson. If someone truly loves you, they will never give you a reason to doubt it. Anyone can come into your life and say how much they love you, but it takes someone really special to stay in your life and prove how much they love you. Sometimes it takes awhile to find the right person, but the right person is always worth the wait.

4.An intimate relationship is based strictly on physical attraction. – Being beautiful is more than how many people you can get to look at you, or how others perceive you at a single glance. It’s about what you live for. It’s about what defines you. It’s about the depth of your heart, and what makes you unique. It’s about being who you are and living out your life honestly. It’s about those little quirks that make you, you. People who are only attracted to you because of your pretty face or nice body won’t stay by your side forever. But the people who can see how beautiful your heart is will never leave you.

5.Someone continuously breaks your trust. – Love means giving someone the chance to hurt you, but trusting them not to. When you completely trust a person, without any doubt, you’ll automatically get one of two results - a FRIEND for life or a LESSON for life. Either way there’s a positive outcome. Either you confirm the fact that this person cares about you, or you get the opportunity to weed them out of your life and make room for those who do. In the end you’ll discover who’s fake, who’s true, and who would risk it all for you. And trust me, some people will totally surprise you.
6.Someone continuously overlooks your worth. – Know your worth! When you give yourself to someone who doesn’t respect you, you surrender pieces of your soul that you’ll never get back. There comes a point when you have to let go and stop chasing some people. If someone wants you in their life, they’ll find a way to put you there. Sometimes you just need to let go and accept the fact that they don’t care for you the way you care for them. Let them leave your life quietly. Letting go is oftentimes easier than holding on. We think it’s too hard to let go, until we actually do. Then we ask ourselves, “Why didn’t I do this sooner?”

7.You are never given a chance to speak your mind. – Sometimes an argument saves a relationship, whereas silence breaks it. Speak up for your heart so that you won’t have regrets. Life is not about making others happy. Life is about being honest and sharing your happiness with others.

8.You are frequently forced to sacrifice your happiness. – If you allow people to make more withdrawals than deposits in your life, you will be out of balance and in the negative before you know it. Know when to close the account. It’s always better to be alone with dignity than in a relationship that constantly requires you to sacrifice your happiness and self-respect.

9.You truly dislike your current situation, routine, job, etc. – It’s better to be a failure at something you love than to succeed at doing something you hate. Don’t let someone who gave up on their dreams talk you out of going after yours. The best thing you can do in life is follow your heart. Take risks. Don’t just make the safe and easy choices because you’re afraid of what might happen. If you do, nothing will ever happen. Chances must be taken, mistakes must be made, and lessons must be learned. It might be an uphill climb, but when you reach that mountaintop it will be worth every ounce of blood, sweat and tears you put into it.

10.You catch yourself obsessing over, and living in, the past. – Eventually you will overcome the heartache, and forget the reasons you cried, and who caused the pain. Eventually you will realize that the secret to happiness and freedom is not about control or revenge, but in letting things unfold naturally, and learning from your experiences over the course of time. After all, what matters most is not the first, but the final chapter of your life, which unveils the details of how well you wrote your story. So let go of the past, set yourself free, and open your mind to the possibility of new relationships and priceless experiences.


Sunday, July 20, 2014

APC And The Challenge Ahead

As the fragile wave of optimism gradually gives way to political realism, the henchmen of the main opposition must be engrossed in the enervating task of salvaging their party’s political fortune. Renowned as the solution to PDP’s unbecoming excesses, the alliance of strange bed fellows were believed to be the answer to all our political anomalies. However, as they might have found out, it will take some beating to finally dislodge Africa’s so-called largest party, PDP.
It was a sheer political statement in Ekiti state when Ayo Fayose displaced the APC’s incumbent governor, Kayode Fayemi. Interestingly, it is apt to know that Fayemi was acknowledged to have had a sterling first stint in office. A lot of commentary have been made on why the debacle for APC in Ekiti. Some are of the view that the governor’s paramount undoing was his inability to establish a pulse with the grassroot, while others maintain that PDP’s politics of ‘bag of rice’ was a masterstroke. Whatever the deductions are, it is instructive that the incumbent was quick to congratulate Ayo Fayose in the wake of his victory. That APC has lost a part of the region where they were solely undisputed should give sleepless night to Tinubu, Akande et al. As if the misery was not enough, the impeachment of Murtala Nyarko of Adamawa state as governor is another shocker for the APC. The storm surrounding governors Kashim Shettima (Borno) and Tanko Al-Makura (Nassarwa) could end up sending the political fortunes of the party to Siberia.
The foregoing events beg the question: Is APC ready for the daunting tasks ahead? Perhaps, it goes without saying that while many of the aforementioned misfortunes of the APC might have been self-inflicted, one must say that the undue advantage that the PDP enjoys as the incumbent is a great factor. Sad to note, our political space is set up in such a way the incumbent (And incumbent here primarily refers to the government at the centre) enjoys a special privilege over the opposition. Somehow, the structure of the state is tilted to make the incumbent all powerful. Having said that, the APC must take a long look in the mirror and ask themselves ‘what went wrong’? Without mincing words, it is obvious that the APC is bereft of a clear vision as a party. In the minds of many Nigerians, their blueprint of change rides on the checkered image of the PDP. In other words, they merely come across as an alternative to the PDP. To their credit, the PDP is in no pretense form that they are who they are. Having been in power since the watershed of 1999, we have all seen the many sides of the reckless party. However, same cannot be said of the APC. A chalk of Nigerians is still unsure of what they are about, and one must remember that a good number of the party members are ex-PDP stalwarts who had jumped ship fundamentally for personal interests. Suffice it to say, many Nigerians are still uncomfortable with some of the gladiators in the APC camp. The faces of some of the kingpins are familiar and inevitably associated with everything that is wrong in our political life.
The general perception that PDP is synonymous with electoral malpractices, political jingoism and financial shenanigans might not be far from the truth. The problem, however, is to disassociate the APC entirely of all these sins. If the facts from some of the primary elections that have been held within the APC states are anything to go by, then it becomes worrisome to many Nigerians if truly APC is the change we demand. In addition, the progressive credentials of the APC have been in serious doubts of recent. It must be stated that the misdemeanor of our local governments, the obscene image of our legislature and the political recklessness of many politicians have not vindicated the APC. Thus, APC lawmakers, governors and Local government chairmen have also displaced all the ills associated with their PDP counterparts. The charade between APC and PDP lawmakers in Edo and Rivers states have shown that greed, desperation and personal interests remain the guiding motivation of our politicians, irrespective of their party allegiance. It is both sickening and terribly sad that the expectations of many Nigerians have been etched in nothingness or low at best. Hence, it is now cliché to hear ‘Oh that governor is the best in the world; see the roads and schools he built’. When did providing the very basic things of life which is government’s fundamental role become synonymous to excellent governance? No thanks to fourteen years of sheer political rudderless and failure as entrenched by the ruling Peoples Democratic Party. Now, the trouble with the APC as Rudolf Okonkwo noted, ‘Is that they are pretending to be the brightest crayon in the box, but we can see from afar that they are not.’
Having said that, APC’s recent failings should not tempt the PDP to start chanting uhuru. History suggests that nothing is ever cast in stone as long as politics is concerned. As for the APC, the times provide a platform for them to either restrategize and answer some salient questions on the road ahead or this will be the beginning of an end, as predicted by the PDP disciples. The outcomes of the events in Nassarawa, Borno and the impending elections in Osun state will further confirm if the APC is here to stay or we have been sold a dummy all the while.

Friday, July 11, 2014

12 Common Lies Mentally Strong People Don’t Believe

1.It wasn’t supposed to be like this. – We all have an idea in our heads about how things are supposed to be, and sadly this is what often messes us up the most. Realize this. Expect less and learn more. Let go and let life grow you – let it test you. You won’t always understand it and that’s OK. Just when you think it can’t get any worse, it does. And then just when you think it can’t get any better, it does. Mentally strong people are appreciative of the obstacles in their path because they know the obstacles are necessary stepping-stones. So keep going, keep growing, and someday you will be able to describe your entire life in just one sentence: “It didn’t go as planned, and that’s OK.”

2.Disappointment and sadness are not necessary. – Having an excessive preoccupation with happiness can actually lead to an unhealthy attitude towards negative emotions and experiences. Mentally strong people don’t try to avoid negative emotions – rather, they accept both positive and negative emotions and let these feelings coexist. This is a key component of their resiliency. Trying to be happy 24/7 is futile; we need to focus on being whole instead. Disappointment, frustration, sadness and failure are part of your wholeness – all of these things help make you who we are. Happiness, victory and fulfillment are nice things that also happen to you, but they don’t teach you and help you grow nearly as much.

3.This situation is definitely bad. – There’s an adage in the ancient philosophy of Stoicism, “There is no good or bad, there is only perception,” which was later echoed in Shakespeare’s famous quote, “There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.” Truth be told, the way we perceive a situation has tremendous power to either help us or harm us. So often, we react emotionally and project negative judgments onto a situation, when the first key to overcoming a challenge is to view things objectively. In the long run, it usually isn’t what you have or where you are or what you’ve been through that makes or breaks you; it’s how you think about it all and what you do next.

4.There’s no hope. – Mentally strong people know the opposite of defeat is not courage; the opposite of defeat is hope. And there’s always hope. When you lose something good, don’t think of it as a loss, but as an experience that gets you back on the path you were meant to travel. Ultimately, the measure of who you are is what you do with what you have at any given point in time. It’s important to remember that you have enough, and you are enough, always. Stay strong. Think clearly. Even when it feels like things are falling apart, they aren’t.
5.You don’t really have any other choice. – Have you ever met a happy, successful person who regularly avoids responsibility, blames and points fingers and makes excuses for their unsatisfying lives? Me either. Because happy, success people are mentally strong. They accept responsibility for how their lives unfold. They believe their own happiness and success is a byproduct of their own thinking, beliefs, attitudes, character and behavior.

6.Successful people follow the rules. – Break the rules. Don’t break the law, but break the rules. You won’t need to measure up to other people’s benchmarks. The psychological root of most unhappiness lies in external validation, which happens when you try to measure your self-worth based on the opinions of others. But it’s not what others think… it’s what you think about your life that counts. You, and only you, get to decide what kind of life you want to live. Other people’s goals and expectations don’t matter that much in the long-run.

7.There is always an easier way. – The path of least resistance is often the path of least reward. You need to do hard things. There are no shortcuts to any place worth going. As Einstein once said, “Genius is 1% talent and 99% percent hard work.” You must run to be a runner. You must write to be a writer. You must actively work on a business venture to learn how to run a successful business. There is no substitute for doing the work. So meditate on this every day: “I will do the work. It won’t be easy. It will be worth it!”

8.Now is not the right time. – The right thing at the wrong time is the wrong thing. And when it comes to your goals, later is always the wrong time to do the right thing. Why? Because time is passing. So stop waiting for the right time; it will never come. Make a decision and take a chance. You have to dare to do it, because life is too short to wonder what could have been.

9.You need more to be happy. – Mentally strong people know that gratitude is the best attitude adjustment. The more goodness you see, the more you create, and the more good things you have to smile about. Happiness doesn’t start when “this, that or the other thing” is resolved. Happiness is what happens now when you appreciate what you have.
10.You need to be perfect to be impressive. – If the face you always show the world is a mask, someday there will be nothing beneath it. Because when you spend too much time concentrating on everyone else’s perception of you, or who everyone else wants you to be, you eventually forget who you really are. So don’t fear the judgments of others; you know in your heart who you are and what’s true to you. You don’t have to be perfect to impress people. Let them be impressed by how you deal with your imperfections.

11.You have a great reason to hate them. – The true mark of maturity is when somebody hurts you and you try to understand their situation instead of trying to hurt them back. It’s about forgiveness. And it doesn’t mean you’re erasing the past or forgetting what happened. It just means you’re letting go of the resentment and pain, and instead choosing to learn from the incident and move on with your life. Remember, the less time you spend hating the people who hurt you, the more time you’ll have to love the people who love you.

12.Loved ones should always agree with you. – Mentally strong people know that someone who loves you won’t always agree with you just to make you happy. If anything, they will say what needs to be said, sincerely, regardless of whether or not you want to hear it. Why is this good news? Because close relationships grow stronger only when two people are able to share their innermost feelings and thoughts about themselves and each other. To be fully seen by someone in raw form, and be respected anyhow, is what love is. It’s about acceptance and truth over agreement and ruse. And, sometimes, it’s agreeing to disagree and being OK with it.

Thursday, July 3, 2014

It’s Never About The People!

Indeed, the shenanigans of the past few weeks have enervated the optimism of many, and further exposed the debacle we are currently entrenched in. While the Bring Back our Girls struggle persists, our politicians have continued in shameless fist-cuffs and tussle to protect personal interests. At some point, we concluded that the power-mongering nature of our politicians cannot be more dire than the spectacle we all saw in Rivers State. For those that memory will not serve long enough to recollect, a rehash will suffice. In Rivers state, the State House of Assembly was defiled by lawmakers, the Mase was abused, honorable men engaged in fierce combats, and worst of all, the mechanism of law-making was paralyzed in the state and the legislative business was being handled in the sitting room of the state government house. In addition, the theatrics between Evans Bipi, Chidi Llyod and the other loyalists of Brick House will remain extant in our minds. The current imbroglio in Edo state bears close resemblance. Lawmakers loyal to the Oshiomole led-APC government are presently at war with their PDP counterparts. The root of the matter is now viral on the web, however, beyond such infuriating details, the crux of the matter remains that the only language our politicians understand is ‘Personal Interest.’
I have always argued that irrespective of the nomenclature, be it PDP or APC, they are all birds of a feather. The average Nigerian politician is primarily loyal to the powers that hold his political fortune. The loyalty to the people whose mandate he holds is always secondary or non-existent. Anyone who has followed the events in Edo state over the past couple of weeks will have seen the gusto and passion by the lawmakers. Whatever the issues are, it is intriguing that such gusto and passion are never seen when people related issues are being debated. Rather, it is either one assembly member is having a nap in session or another is just bodily present, but absent minded. Until politicians begin to understand that the citizens are not interested in the details of their political affiliations but on their delivery of the dividends of democracy, we might never arrive in our desired destination.
We the people must realize that our political space is bedeviled by personal interest and inordinate knack for power. So the next time a politician pays a youth to help rig an election or mobilize thugs for personal gain, these puns must understand that that politician does not give a thought of you. It is about time that we come to the harsh truth that we don’t play politics of ideology, we play politics of ‘dog eat dog.’
The next time you see APC and PDP engage in a brouhaha, ask yourself: To what end is their struggle? Why the bickering? Why is Rotimi Amaechi and the Presidency at loggerheads? Why has the scourge of Boko Haram remain a mystery? Why is 2015 the key focus in the minds of every politician? Whatever the answers are, be sure that it is never about the people!