19 Things I Learnt In 2019

1. Live While You Wait

I have a senior friend who waited for 17 years to have a child. When the child finally arrived, she told me with tears shut in her eyes that she felt like she has wasted 17 years of her life, for she made that one problem become the center of her life, and she never fully lived because she was waiting for ‘something.’ Be sure that you are not putting your life on hold because you are waiting for that big break, that high paying job, that dream spouse. Live while you wait.

2. Seize The Little Moments

Some of Life’s biggest moments are in the little moments. We often wait for the big breaks, but every day, there are opportunities in little places and in little things that we can seize on, to shine. Volunteer. Show up. Offer help pro-bono. Constitute a mild nuisance to help. I have learnt that it is in the little moments that we are noticed, and elevated.

3. Your Choices Are Your Choices

I have come to the conclusion that irrespective of how well meaning we are for one another, each one still has to make his choices, and live with the consequences thereof. At every point, we are all making choices. It is important that we are conscious of the choices we are making. It might not always pan out right, but we must ensure it is our call always. Make your own choices.

4. Make Yourself A Priority Too

You will not always be a priority to other people. You will not always be top-of-mind for others. Hence, you must look after yourself. Give yourself ample time. Take care of your physical and mental health. Ensure that your peace of mind is never in jeopardy. I have realized that for us to be ‘there’ for others, we must first be there for ourselves.

5. Vulnerability Is A Powerful Thing

There is an inherent power in being an authentic person, and at the heart of authenticity is where being vulnerable reside. Be comfortable with your own tears. Let your humanity out. Ask for help when you don’t have the answers. No one truly has it all together, we are all learning this thing called life as we go along. Be vulnerable and be comfortable with it.

6. Be There For Others

Learning from the wisdom of the old, they often say that when all is said and done, the times we showed up for family and friends is one of those moments that makes us die easy. Show up for others; family or friends. Your epicenter should not revolve around you only. Be a force for good, confident in the knowledge that life will always owe you one; and it always pays its debts.

7. Perspective Is Everything

It is less of how something is and more of how you see that thing. You can go on a diatribe on how the odds are stacked against you and how life is unfair, but the truth is that your perspective on a situation makes all the difference. You might not have gotten that promotion you so craved, but what else do you have on that job? The breakthrough might not be here yet but look around you and see the other great things happening in your life.

8. Life Rewards Consistency

I have come to the certainty that life truly rewards consistency. You might be slaving away on a trade, plight, talent, whatever. The key is to simply keep at it. Consistency is a powerful success factor. There is an avalanche of living examples that became what they are largely due to their consistency on something. Never forget, it will pay off someday, just remain consistency and do not lose your fire.

9. Excellence Is A Personal Choice

When the epilogue is chronicled, we will come to the realization that this thing called excellence is a personal choice. It is in the little things that excellence is displayed. Be punctual. Say it right. Carry yourself with candour and grace. Seek to make that thing entrusted to your care better than you met it.

10. Keep God At The Centre

Anyone who knows me, already knows that this is a cliché for me. Every year, I come to a greater conviction on this point: It’s God over everything. Keep God at the center of it all. Give him first place in your life, and always remember that he is more interested in your success than you are.

11. Average Is Not Enough

To sum up this point, I will lift and insert the stinging words of Edmund Gaudet: ‘Average is what the failures claim to be when their family and friends ask them why they are not more successful? "Average" is the top of the bottom, the best of the worst, the bottom of the top, the worst of the best. "Average" means being run-of-the-mill, mediocre, insignificant, an also-ran, a nonentity. Being "average" is the lazy person's cop-out; it's lacking the guts to take a stand in life; it's living by default. To be "average" is to be forgotten once you pass from this life. The successful are remembered for their contributions; the failures are remembered because they tried; but the "average," the silent majority, is just forgotten.’

12. Worry Never Gets You Anywhere

Someday, you will realize that you wasted many days worrying about things that were either not going to happen, or that you had no control over. And when you come to that realization, may you have the will to say, ‘Never Again.’ Quit worrying about how everything will turn out. Put in the work and stay believing.

13. The Latent Power That Is Gratitude

To be grateful is to truly live. Gratitude is an affirmation that we haven’t earned whatever it is that we have, but that God and people have been gracious enough to let us have it. You can fault the philosophy all you want but this is one truth that I have stationed in my wheelhouse: There is power in gratitude.

14. We All Suffer Pain

Contrary to what you might assume, we all suffer pain in different shame or form. Even the Good Book did not promise a life devoid of pain or suffering, but it surely guarantees us of the ‘great’ end and that he will be with us all the way. Everyone is fighting something. Everyone is contending a personal demon; a sparring partner.

15. To Move On You Must Move On

There is great wisdom in knowing when something is over and just moving with the tide. Sometimes, moving on is a herculean task and never easy, but we must do what we have to do. Don't drag your feet. Know when it's over and just ‘move on.’

16. Beware Of Noises

There are noises that disguise as wisdom. Be discreet, be circumspect, be wise. Many of what we have today in the world are noises in different shapes and forms. Be mindful of where you seek for answers and be sure that you are not leading your life based on the opinions of others. The noises never truly count.

17. To Lead Is To Serve And Grow

This year, I had quite a number of opportunities to lead in different capacities, at different platforms. These experiences have all changed me. More than ever before, I have come to the conclusion that true leadership is to serve, and while you are at it, you grow beyond your imagination.

18. Keep The Faith

When your spirit sag and quitting seem to be the only logical route out, when your heart aches from the strains of life, when your soul is deflated and you contemplate ending it all, when life knocks you down and you conclude that you have had enough, hang in there. Stay! Whatever you do, keep the faith.

19. Be Comfortable With Starting Over

It doesn’t really matter how far you have gone on the wrong route, it doesn’t make it right. Start over if you must and be comfortable with this reality. Don’t continue to date him when you know it is not right simply because you have been in it for too long. Don’t stay in that job that kills you because you have been there for too long. Start over and be comfortable with doing so.

How Have You Fared in 2019?

It is that time of the year when scorecard is taken, books are finalized, plans are reviewed, and goals are subjected through the scrutiny of implementation. The ritual is a familiar one, yet it never goes extinct. However, the big question is: How did you fare over the past 365 days?

There is an inherent pressure that comes from that question. The subtle inclination that you might not have done enough, that you could have done more. Put in the right balance, this is the correct mindset. There are literatures that seeks to encourage you irrespective of how mediocre, stupid or insipid you might have been. While the intent of such literatures is mostly genuine, the unintended consequence of overtly enmeshing yourself in a mild falsehood; something my friend Olachi Olatunji called the ‘danger of praise’ in her TEDx speech, is that you are not challenged enough to grow. Sometimes, being offered false tenderness and foisted praise feels like the very proof that you've been ruined. We must be honest with ourselves when having a reflection on how the year has gone.

Honesty is not a license to be extremely critical, but it is required. For if we cannot behold our own nakedness, who shall we turn to? To have been average in 2019 is not enough. We must seek better. As Edmund Gaudet once said: ‘Average is what the failures claim to be when their family and friends ask them why they are not more successful? "Average" is the top of the bottom, the best of the worst, the bottom of the top, the worst of the best. Which of these are you? Being "average" is the lazy person's cop-out; it's lacking the guts to take a stand in life; it's living by default. To be "average" is to be forgotten once you pass from this life. The successful are remembered for their contributions; the failures are remembered because they tried; but the "average," the silent majority, is just forgotten.’

Yet, one thing you should always have in your wheelhouse is your power to remain grateful, irrespective of how your year has panned out. Gratefulness is a powerful thing. It helps you put things in perspective, and it is a deft reminder that you have so much to be thankful for. Nature has a way of rewarding the one who is full of gratitude. At this time of the year, count your blessings. If you can’t find any, you are not seeing clear enough. Your year might have had more holes than a Swiss cheese, but there is still a litany of things to be grateful for. More so, you have to believe that when it comes to your life, Elvis has not left the building. At this time of the year, get a list of all those that have made the journey easier, more rewarding and supportive. Send them a gift; gifts of presents, words, visits and cash. These little actions are evidences of your gratitude, and Life has a way of giving us a taste of our own medicine, in even greater measure.

7 Assumptions We Need to Stop Making About Other People

1. We need to stop assuming that the happiest people are simply the ones who smile the most. – Behind the polite smiles and greetings people give you, some are hurting and lonely. Don’t just come and go. See them. Care. Share. Listen. Love. We can’t always see people’s pain, but they can always feel our kindness. So be kinder than necessary.

2. We need to stop assuming that the people we love and respect won’t disappoint us. – When we expect perfection we tend to overlook goodness. And the truth is, no one is perfect. At times, the confident lose confidence, the patient misplace their patience, the generous act selfish, and the informed second-guess what they know. It happens to all of us too. We make mistakes, we lose our tempers, and we get caught off guard. We stumble, we slip, and we fall sometimes. But that’s the worst of it… we have our moments. Most of the time we’re pretty darn good, despite our flaws. So treat the people you love accordingly—give them the space to be human.

3. We need to stop assuming that the people who are doing things differently are doing things wrong. – We all take different roads seeking fulfillment, joy, and success. Just because someone isn’t on your road, doesn’t mean they are lost.

4. We need to stop assuming that the people we disagree with don’t deserve our compassion and kindness. – The exact opposite is true. The way we treat people we strongly disagree with is a report card on what we’ve learned about love, compassion, kindness and humility.

5. We need to stop assuming that we can’t trust people we don’t know. – Some people build too many walls in their lives and not enough bridges. Don’t be one of them. Open yourself up. Take small chances on people. Let them prove your doubts wrong, gradually, over time.

6. We need to stop assuming that the rude people of the world are personally targeting us. – We can’t take things too personally, even if it seems personal. Rarely do people do things because of us. They do things because of them. And there is a huge amount of freedom that comes to us when we detach from other people’s behaviors. So just remember, the way others treat you is their problem, how you react is yours.

7. We need to stop assuming that other people are our reason for being unhappy, unsuccessful, etc. – We may not be able control all the things people say and do to us, but we can decide not to be reduced by them. We can choose to forgive, or we can choose to forget. We can choose to stay, or we can choose to go. We can choose whatever helps us grow. There’s always a positive choice to make. Thus, the only real, lasting conflict you will ever have in your life won’t be with others, but with yourself… and how you choose to respond… and the daily rituals you choose to follow.

(MARCANDANGEL).

You Don't Always Have All The Answers

They say if you live long enough you will discover that life is truly an unending stream of learning, and that none of us, no matter how well put together, is the finished article.

A big part of growing up is the full realization that we all have to be circumspect in our dealings, and always leave room for us to be wrong. We must realize that our way is not the only way, and nobody made us the judge of public opinion. Hence, there is a need to desist from trying to superimpose our opinions on others, there is a need to always seek to hear the full story, and there is the extant need to comprehend that it is not in our place to judge anyone irrespective of what the rest of the world thinks. We live in an age where data is cheap with smartphones viral. This dual combination has translated to everyone as Senior Advocate of Common Sense and Lords of the Public Opinion realms. There is a knack by many to want to sound smart, the uncanny desire by many to proof a point and to come out of a keypad argument unscathed; almost as if their livelihood stems from this. 

To know but choose to be silent when you realize that it is pointless sharing is pure wisdom. To give another several benefits of the doubt understanding that just maybe there is an underlying reason to their actions is the hallmark of maturity. To resist the urge to want to critique when that seems like the most plausible thing to do is leadership. To allow yourself to be wrong and admit same is what it means to have 'grown balls.' To have a conversation with the sole intent to understand as opposed to the need to share is a show of communication strength. To ditch your standpoint for a superior argument and canvass the cause of that superior knowledge is true growth. Life will always teach us that we don't have all the answers, and that is fine.

7 Powerful Reminders to Focus on What Matters

1. The quality of your life in the long run directly depends upon how you set and respect your priorities today.

2. At times, you have to say “no” to good things to be able to say “yes” to important things. You can’t do it all. Be mindful and choose wisely.

3. “I don’t have time,” is really just another, perhaps politer, or perhaps naive, way of saying, “It is not that important to me.”

4. Don’t waste your time and energy fighting against where you are. Invest your time and energy into getting to where you want to go. And even if you have a good reason to be upset and resentful, let it go. Channel your energy into thoughts and actions that actually benefit your life right now. 

5. Be present with what matters most. There are few joys in life that equal a good conversation, a good story, a good laugh, a good hug, or a good friend.

6. Overcommitting is the biggest mistake most people make against living a happier, simpler life. It’s tempting to fill in every waking minute of the day with to-do list tasks or distractions. Don’t do this to yourself. Leave space.

7. You should sit quietly for fifteen minutes today to gather your thoughts and review your priorities, unless you’re too busy, in which case you should sit for an hour. Remember this. The world is as you are inside.

(MARCANDANGEL).

5 Things I Hope You Remember On Your Bad Days

That we all have bad days. Days when we are not up for it, when our our spirit sag, when our strength fail us and when our self esteem wallow in the gutters. Somedays we are the hammer, some days we are the nail. Wisdom is to take it all in your stride. Don't let your head deceive you that you are in the mess alone. Life is fair in some matters and it does give everyone his own measure of bad days. On days like this, remember why you started, envisage the end and remind yourself that we are all in this together.

That there is a purpose to the drama, and there must be a lesson in the chaos. Bad days always come to teach us something. Listen for the subtle lessons and be watchful for the finest nuggets. Pain always come to teach us something. Beyond the negativity, there is something in it for you. Your bad days would have been a shame if you learnt nothing from them.

That we are suppose to 'become' by what we go through and that the bad days would have been wasted if it doesn't change us. One of the greatest things that should happen to us with any of life's experiences is what we become by that experience. Your bad days should change you for the better. It should teach you things about yourself, it should keep you circumspect and it should truly make you a better person.

That you cut people some slack and never take it personal. On our bad days, we are often on the edge. So edgy that it only takes a twinge to set us ablaze. On our bad days, we want others to cut us some slack. It is this same slack that we must give others on their bad days. Don't take it personal because it's never personal. One of life's most liberating lesson is to understand that people ultimately do things for and because of themselves, not because of you. Whatever you do, never forget this.

That you will ultimately be fine. It doesn't matter how severe your grief is today, it doesn't matter how deep your pain cut, it doesn't how loud you wail now. See, you will be fine when all is said and done. It is a cliche but it is also a truism that tough times never last, tough people do. So, chin up, wear your zing on your sleeves, set the spring in your steps, walk upright, return the smile to your face and recreate your hope. You will be fine in the final analysis; don't let the bad days fool you.

7 Hard Things You Should Start Doing for Others

1. Start being a source of sincere support.

The closest thing to being cared for is to care for others. We are all in this together and we should treat each other as such. The very demons that torment each of us, torment others all over the world. It is our challenges and troubles that connect us at the deepest level.

If you think about the people who have had the greatest positive effect on your life—the ones who truly made a difference—you will likely realize that they aren’t the ones that tried to give you all the answers or solve all your problems. They’re the ones who sat silently with you when you needed a moment to think, who lent you a shoulder when you needed to cry, and who tolerated not having all the answers, but stood beside you anyway. Be this person for those around you every chance you get.

2. Start giving people your undivided attention.

There is greatness and beauty in making time, especially when it’s inconvenient, for the sake of someone nearby.

You don’t have to tell people that you care, just show them. In your relationships and interactions with others, nothing you can give is more appreciated than your sincere, focused attention. Being with someone, listening without a clock and without anticipation of results is the ultimate compliment. It is indeed the most valued gesture you can make to another human being.

When we pay attention to each other we breathe new life into each other. With frequent attention and affection our relationships flourish, and we as individuals grow wiser and stronger. We help heal each other’s wounds and support each other’s growth. So give someone the gift of YOU—your time, undivided attention and kindness. That’s better than any other gift, it won’t break or get lost, and will always be remembered.

3. Start respecting and supporting people who are different than you.

Life’s greatest privilege is to become who you truly are. You have to dare to be yourself, one hundred percent, however anxious or odd that self may prove to be. The people who support you in doing so are extraordinary. Appreciate these people and their kindness, and pay it forward when you’re able.

Never bully someone into silence. Never victimize others for being different. Accept no one’s close-minded definition of another person. Let people define themselves. You have the ability to show people how awesome they are, just the way they are. So act on this ability without hesitation; and don’t forget to show yourself the same courtesy.

4. Start being willing to be wrong.

The mind is like a parachute; it doesn’t work when it’s closed.

It’s okay to disagree with the thoughts or opinions expressed by others. But that doesn’t give you the right to immediately reject any sense they might make. Nor does it give you a right to accuse someone of poorly expressing their beliefs just because you don’t like what they are thinking and saying. Learn to recognize the beauty of different ideas and perspectives, even if it means overcoming your pride and opening your mind beyond what is comfortable.

Healthy relationships and human interactions are not a power struggle. Be willing to be wrong, while simultaneously exploring your truth.

5. Start giving recognition and praise for the little things.

A brave, extraordinary soul recognizes the strength of others. Give genuine praise whenever possible. Doing so is a mighty act of service. Start noticing what you like about others and speak up. Having an appreciation for how amazing the people around you are is extremely rewarding. It’s an investment in them that doesn’t cost you a thing, and the returns can be astounding. Not only will they feel empowered, but also what goes around comes around, and sooner or later the people you’re cheering for will start cheering for you too.

Also, be sure to follow this rule: “Praise in public, penalize in private.” Never publicly ridicule someone when you have the option not to. If you don’t understand someone, ask questions. If you don’t agree with them, tell them. But don’t judge them behind their back to everyone else.

6. Start giving people the space to save face.

What others say and do is often based entirely on their own self-reflection. When someone who is angry and upset speaks to you, and you nevertheless remain very present and continue to treat them with kindness and respect, you place yourself in a position of great power. You become a means for the situation to be graciously diffused and healed.

A spiritual teacher once told me, “When somebody backs themselves into a corner, look the other way until they get themselves out; and then act as though it never happened.” Allowing people to save face in this way, and not reminding them of what they already know is not their most intelligent behavior, is an act of great kindness. This is possible when we realize that people behave in such ways because they are in a place of great suffering. People react to their own thoughts and feelings and their behavior often has nothing directly to do with you.

7. Start being a bit more gentle.

Be gentle and compassionate with those around you. Mother Nature opens millions of flowers every day without forcing the buds. Let this be a reminder not to be forceful with those around you, but to simply give them enough light and love, and an opportunity to grow naturally.

Ultimately, how far you go in life depends on your willingness to be helpful to the young, respectful to the aged, tender with the hurt, supportive of the striving, and tolerant of those who are weaker or stronger than the majority. Because we wear many hats throughout the course of our lives, and at some point in your life you will realize you have been all of these people.

(MARCANDANGEL).

5 Hard Questions that Can Save a Life

1. Are you focusing on what’s truly important?
At every moment, millions of little things compete for your attention. All these things fall into one of two categories: things that are important and things that are not.

People never get more done by blindly working more hours on everything that comes up. Instead, they get more done when they follow careful plans that measure and track key priorities and milestones. So if you want to be more successful and less stressed, don’t ask how to make something more efficient until you’ve first asked, “Do I need to do this at all?”

Simply being able to do something well does not make it the right thing to do. I think this is one of the most common problems with a lot of time-management advice; too often productivity gurus focus on how to do things quickly, but the vast majority of things people do quickly should not be done at all.

2. Are you focusing more on problems or solutions?
Where your mind goes, energy flows. Which area of your life do you tend to focus on: what you have or what’s missing from your life?

I’m sure you think about both sides of this equation. But if you scrutinize your habitual thoughts, what do you tend to spend more time dwelling on? The positives or the negatives?

Rather than focusing on what you don’t have and begrudging those who are better off than you, perhaps you should acknowledge that you have lots to be grateful for. Developing a habit of appreciating what you have can create a new level of emotional well-being and strength. But the real question is: do you take time to feel deeply grateful with your mind, body, heart and soul? That’s where the energy to take positive action comes from.

So don’t let negativity and drama get the best of you. Your brain is a radio transmitter. It broadcasts thoughts, directions and vibrations into your life—you get to choose the station it’s tuned to. Happy, successful people understand this and tune out negativity to make room for positivity. Be wise enough to follow in their footsteps. Walk away from the nonsense around you. Focus on the positives, and soon the negatives will be harder to see.

Also, along these same lines, accept the fact that there’s a lot you can’t control. And if you focus on what you can’t control, you’ll do nothing but create more stress for yourself. So remember, you can influence many aspects of your life but you can’t control them entirely. Once you fully accept and adopt this pattern of thinking, another important question must be asked:

3. What meaning are you assigning to your challenges?
Even when we’re being positive, we all have challenges; there’s no escaping that. But how you feel about your life has little to do with the events in it or what has (or hasn’t) happened to you. The meaning you assign to these things controls the quality of your life. Most of the time, however, you may be unaware of the effect of your unconscious mind in assigning meaning to life’s events. So check-in with yourself…

When something happens that disrupts your life (an illness, an injury, a job loss, etc.), do you tend to think that this is the end or the beginning?
If someone confronts you, is that person insulting you, coaching you or trying to care for you?
Does a big problem mean that God is punishing you or challenging you? Or is it possible that this problem isn’t really a problem at all, but an opportunity?
Bottom line: When something negative happens, view this circumstance as a chance to learn something you didn’t know. Don’t wish it never happened. Don’t try to step back in time. Take the lessons learned and step forward. You have to tell yourself, “It’s OK. I’m doing OK.” You need to know that it’s better to cross new lines and suffer the consequences of a lesson learned from time to time, than to just stare at the lines for the rest of your life and always wonder.

Also keep in mind that the past, even when troubled, is invaluable to your present. It provides a solid foundation for everything you’re doing now. Learn from it—the mistakes and the successes—and then let it go. This process might seem easier said than done, but it depends on your focus. The past is just training; it doesn’t define you in this moment. Think about what went wrong, but only in terms of how it will help you make things right.

When we shift our habitual focus and meanings, there’s no limit on what life can become. A change of focus and a shift in meaning can literally alter our biochemistry and the trajectory of our lives in a couple minutes flat.

So take control and always remember: Meaning equals emotion and emotion equals power. Choose wisely. Find an empowering meaning in any event, and best will always be yours for the taking.

And that leads right in to the next question…

4. What will you do next to make progress?
While everyone else is talking about it, successful people are quietly doing it.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: It doesn’t matter if you have a genius IQ and a PhD in Quantum Physics, you can’t change anything or make any sort of real-world progress without taking action. There’s a huge difference between knowing how to do something and actually doing it. Knowledge and intelligence are both useless without action. It’s as simple as that.

Successful people know that a good plan executed today is better than a perfect plan executed someday. They don’t wait for the “right time” or the “right day” or the “right (impossible) circumstances”, because they know these reactions are based on a fear and nothing more. They take action here and now, today—because that’s where real progress happens.

5. What tangible reminders do you need to see to stay motivated?
You want to lose weight, but when you’re tired, it’s easy to rationalize that you’ll start exercising and eating right tomorrow. You want to build a more profitable business, but when you’re caught up in the daily grind, it’s easy to just do what’s familiar instead of what’s required for growth. You want to nurture your closest relationships, but when you’re busy, it’s easy to rationalize that you really need to work on that client proposal instead.

Few good things come easy, and when the going gets tough we often take the easy way out—even though the easy way takes us the wrong way.

To combat this, many of the happiest and most successful people we know create tangible reminders that pull them back from the brink of their weak impulses. A friend of ours who has paid off almost $100K of debt in the past five years has a copy of his credit card balance taped to his computer monitor; it serves as a constant reminder of the debt he wants to pay off. Another friend keeps a photo of herself when she was 90 pounds heavier on her refrigerator as a reminder of the person she never wants to be again. And another fills his desk with family photos, both because he loves looking at them and because, when work gets really tough, these photos remind him of the people he is ultimately working for.

Think of moments when you are most likely to give in to impulses that take you farther away from your ultimate goals. Then use tangible reminders of those goals to interrupt the impulse and keep you on track.

(MARCANDANGEL).

This is Nigeria...Part 1

Welcome to Nigeria; where masking the truth for political correctness is an art form. Afterall, the truth is subjective and could be a figment of someone else's imagination. There is no point saying it as it is because that has never taken anyone far.

Welcome to Nigeria; where the ruling class reign supreme in their luxury-plated lives with only the social media pangs of their subjects to deal with. The ruling class are emblematic of our national treasure and we all must do everything within and outside our power to ensure they have no worries.

Welcome to Nigeria, where any slightest criticism on the government of the day is synonymous with hate speech, inciting the already heated polity and an affront to the great work of the 'powers that be.' The government of the day must be shielded from any from of public vitriolic. Instead, it behoove on us all to ensure there are adequate praise singers around them. The task of leadership is already a onerous one. There is no need to complicate it with your bastardised input.

Welcome to Nigeria, where everything is politics and politics is everything. In this turf, our human reasoning is shrouded with deep political linings. No one holds an opinion without picking sides. Whatever the content of our conversation, it is nuanced with political affiliations. Indeed, all thoughts are political.

Welcome to Nigeria, where the social contract between the people and the government is ill visited. The trust system is so solid that we find no need to review performance. Afterall, a scorecard assessment is a waste of time with so much more sacrosanct things to do. We will rather give politicians four more years to complete their eight year cycle. It is turn by turn. Everyone will eat. It is just important that we let those whose turn it is to eat have a full, balanced and holistic meal. Patience is key.

7 Life Lessons I Have Learnt From Driving

1. The Road is a leveller

It doesn't matter what you drive, the road is a leveller. Until flying cars become norm, the road remains our primary source of plying. All sorts of cars ply same road. The Ricketies, the Bugattis, the Ferrari all have to make do with same means of conveyance. Just like life, the 'road' happens to us all. It doesn't matter what you drive in life, it is about your contentment in what you drive.

2. You are the driver

It doesn't matter who you have in your car, you are the driver of your life. The driver is the final arbiter in the car. You decide the route, you insist on safety standards such as seat belt usage. Just like in life, you are making choices everyday irrespective of whether you realize it or not. You must always be a player not a victim. We make choices everyday irrespective of whether or not we are conscious of it.

3. There are some circumstances you can't help

One of the biggest lessons I have learnt while driving is that there are many circumstances that you can't control. One of the biggest is the spate of traffic. You can get mad all you want but there is little you can do in this circumstance. The key is to disassociate your happiness from these small stuffs and not put your joy in abeyance. Enjoy the journey. Don't sweat the small stuffs. Don't pull out your hair for situations you can't help. The journey is the destination.

4. Your safety is your responsibility

You can learn all you want about driving procedures and standards. However, once you are behind the steering, your safety is your responsibility and not in any driving handbook. In driving just like in life, you must look out for yourself. You will not always be the priority in the lives of your friends and family. It doesn't make them bad people. Everyone is looking out for himself. Look out for yourself.

5. Beware of short cuts

Short cuts will always be your Achilles heels - so said my driving instructor many years ago. Those are profound words. My experience has always been that you can get stuck in a short cut, and that they are often road traps once you decide to take them. Stay on the main road. Stay on the road you can get support and lighting. Short cuts can kill. In life, you must use the stairs and follow the process. Many of the elevators exalted in life today are facades.

6. Stay on your lane

One of the unwritten, yet mysterious rule of driving is that once you change lanes, your former lane gains traction. It often doesn't matter what lane you are while driving, it will surely move. Many times while driving, I have had the temptation to swap lanes from mine to the other I perceive as moving. Life has taught me that all lanes move, though at different paces and at different times. Ultimately, we all arrive.

7. Defensive driving is everything

The most pivotal learning in any driving school is the act of defensive driving. At the heart of this concept is that you can't vouch for the next man driving on the road, and it is safer to assume that every other road users are lunatics. It is not enough to drive safely, you must drive to protect yourself. Just like in life, guard your self and your sanity against external influence. People will be people, and you never fully know with people. Maintain awareness and drive your life, defensively.

The Lagos Danfo Bus: Our Collective Plight

The Lagos danfo bus, with its trademark yellow colour, is a microcosm of the Nigerian state in more ways than one. The danfo bus is probably as old as Lagos state itself. Every efforts by successive governments to rebrand the danfo bus has proved abortive. It is a brand that thrives in it resistance to change. It has survived the eras of BRT and the emergence of online taxi services such as Uber and Taxify (now Bolt).

The danfo bus is a leveller of classes. In it, there are the working class of all stratas. The suit peddlers working in air conditioned offices around Victoria Island with a paltry take home. There are the traders always on the go, hurling their crafts from place to place. There are the hustlers always on the move with lack of clarity on their destinations. They revere in being on the move and can easily transit crafts depending on the need. One minute they can 'pick' a phone from an inattentive passenger on the danfo bus, the next minute they can be a driver of one big madam, and the subsequent second, they can be running errand for one big man that lives in Lekki. Their trade is in the multiple, never mind them being Jack of it all.

The danfo bus is a circus of angry men and women, who can flare up in the face of the slightest provocation. Most of the faces are scarred by telling wrinkles that could only have been inflicted by sharing the same space with fellow Lagosians. There are the occasional faces crushed by injuries and cuts. This kind is usually the hallmarks of the danfo driver and his second in command, the conductor. This is their craft's badge and the banner of hustle that admits them into the Lagos danfo hall of fame.

The danfo bus is often a beehive of conversations but none thrives better than a discussion on the government of the day. Begin a conversation with 'This our government na wa o' and you are guaranteed to have other conversationalists, never mind if they are strangers. In the danfo bus, the collective struggle and national hardship unites everyone. The solidarity is palpable and in those fleeting moments before anyone arrives at his 'bus stop' they find camaraderie of some sorts. Yet, there is the presence of the occasional 'bundle of knowledge' in most danfo buses. Usually men, these ones are peddlers of half knowledge about various subjects. Their voices are loudest and their only moment in the sun arrives when they educate their fellow danfo travellers.

Like most things synonymous with Lagos, the danfo bus is a place to 'shine your eyes.' Whatever you do, never admit to any wrong doing. Whether it's tactfully fondling a lady's breast or admitting to have paid when you have not, never surrender your initial ground. To win your case, keep your voice at a high pitch. The use of gestures, curse words and reference to 'god' will also help sell your case. There is also the need to be vigilant. If you must sleep in the danfo bus, do it with your eyes wide open.

The danfo bus is an anathema of the Nigerian state, yet it is the kind we condone. It reminds us of our collective plight, and the fact that it has refused to evolve over time is an indicator that change is not a pliable and extant word with our national life.

When The Battle Chooses You

The surest way to get yourself into trouble is to insert yourself into a fight that doesn’t concern you. In many instances in life, we must turn a blind eye, allow sleeping dogs have a field day and simply find a glass of water while minding our business. Too many battles in life are simply not worth the trouble. Yet, this is half-truth.

They say, ‘pick your battles’ but that is premised upon the assumption that you have a choice. There are some battles that leaves you with no options. The kind that arrives uninvited, squared up for the fight, throws down the gauntlet, and draws first blood. Those are battles you can’t refuse. What do we do when the battle chooses us? When life reserves some of it’s biggest blows for us? What do we do when the battle arrives at our doorstep at an inconvenient time?

We must understand the nature of the battle that chooses us. It is only when we understand the nuances of the battle that we can effectively strategize on how to fight it. At times, this battle is life’s way of keeping us in check; of stopping us from getting too comfortable. This is not the kind of battle that your loved ones help you fight. Most times, the battle that chooses us squares up against us alone. If the battle is too big, we must fight through it with patience. We must take it one day at a time. When the battle chooses us, we will need to learn from it. There must be a lesson in it for us. There must be something life is trying to teach us through the battle. There is no point whining and cursing fate for the hand it has dealt to you. Life happens to everyone; and we all are fighting different battles.

Indeed, some battles choose some of its finest soldiers. This is not a time to lose your head. This is not a time to despair. This is not a time to give in. This is not a time to feel sorry for yourself. We must fight the battle that chooses us. We must be willing to be changed by the battle that chooses us. We must believe that with God, we can win the battle that chooses us.

15 Important Reminders for Your Darkest Moments of Self-Doubt

1. When your marriage, parenting, faith, etc. gets tough, it’s not a sign that you’re doing it wrong. These intimate, intricate aspects of life are toughest when you’re doing them right – when you’re dedicating time, having the tough conversations, and making daily sacrifices.

2. On particularly hard days when you feel that you can’t endure, remind yourself that your track record for getting through hard days is 100% so far.

3. Have a little faith that the universe has a plan for you, and it’s all being revealed in the right time frame. Something you will eventually learn through all your ups and downs is that there are really no wrong decisions in life, just choices that will take your life down different paths. Sometimes you must get hurt in order to grow, or lose in order to gain. Sometimes the lesson you need most can only be learned through a little pain.

4. Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.

5. Life is not about maintaining the status quo. Life is not about playing it safe every second. Life is not about standing still and wallowing in self-doubt. It’s about connecting with your soul, respecting your integrity, and telling yourself that you’re able. It’s about taking a few steps, regardless of how hard and small they may be, so you can move forward and evolve.

6. You must make a firm decision that you’re going to move forward. It won’t always happen naturally or automatically. Sometimes you will have to rise up and say, “I don’t care how hard this is. I don’t care how disappointed I am. I’m not going to let this get the best of me. I’m moving on with my life.”

7. No matter what’s happening, you CAN efficiently fight the battles of today. It’s only when you add the battles of those two relentless eternities, yesterday and tomorrow, that life gets overwhelmingly complicated. Realize that it’s not the experience of today by itself that devastates you, but the regret and resentment about something that happened yesterday or the fear and dread of what tomorrow might bring. It’s necessary, therefore, to let yourself live just one day at a time – just today – just right here, right now.

8. When you stop worrying about what you can’t control, you have time to change the things you can control. And that changes everything.

9. Don’t worry about mistakes and failures, worry about what you’re giving up when you don’t even try.

10. Making mistakes means you’re actually DOING something in the real world and learning from it. Listening or reading is often just listening or reading. It’s not real learning. Real learning comes from making mistakes. And mistakes come from gradual implementation.

11. If you never go after it again, you’ll never have it. If you never ask again, the answer will always be no. If you never step forward again, you’re stuck right where you are.

12. In the space between “I’ll try again” and “I give up” there’s a lifetime. It’s the difference between the path you walk and the one you leave behind; it’s the gap between who you are capable of being and who you have become; its the legroom for the fairy tales you’ll tell yourself in the future about what could have been.

13. Everyone has a little talent. What’s rare is the courage to follow it into the dark places where it leads, and beyond.

14. Courage doesn’t always roar; sometimes it’s simply a whisper at the end of the day that says, “I’ll try again tomorrow.”

15. If you’re still sitting there thinking, “Things should be different right now,” take a deep breath. That’s not true and you know it. Because if it were true, things would be different right now. Stay present and focus on what you can create today. And tomorrow will reveal itself exactly as it should, just as yesterday already has.

(MARCANDANGEL).

Obi Invictus And The Nigerian Dream (satire)

Remind me again, why is there so much hullabaloo about Obi Invictus and the FBI indictment of him for fraud running into 12 million dollars? Is he not supposed to be the poster boy of the Nigerian dream? Is he not supposed to be the media darling for whom there is no erring? Why are the streets of social media in a rush to pull this great young man down? The damning report from FBI Special Agent, Marshall Ward, must have been the contemplations of Obi’s detractors and sworn enemies. They must have sponsored the FBI malicious investigation to spite him, to cut him to size, to remind him that his ‘village people’ still have the mojo.

Obi is the model Nigerian entrepreneur. He built his Invictus Group company with grit, blood, hardwork and handy knowledge from his degree in Forensic Criminology.

Forget what you read, Obi Invictus is still your ‘Man Crush Monday (MCM).’ He hasn’t killed anyone. He was only trying to get by in a tough economy. When he made a quote that ‘Mindset is everything, be it in entrepreneurship or daily life,’ he was reminding us all that there is no holy grail that the mind cannot attain. He was also admonishing us to expand our mind to accommodate cybercrime, or how else will the big club owners’ make their fortune? Afterall, the ‘Bentleys’ will not drive themselves either. Those that say that Obi’s indictment will put a stain on our global image are all just waxing lyrical and making no sense. What image? Do we have one for starters?

Obi has aspired to inspire, then decided to conspire and now he has been forced to perspire in his new quagmire. He is at crossfire with the FBI, but this is not his fault. The Americans simply hate young astute black people that are doing well for themselves. Let it also be noted that it was the same Americans that poured encomiums on him on their Forbes ‘30’ list. Shame on you, America. Shame on you!

Say whatever you may, but Obi Invictus lived the Nigerian dream. The Nigerian dream is 'hustle.' For this dream, there is no template. The end often justifies the means, and whatever you do, be inspiring to validate your hustle. Suffix every social media post with 'God did it.' Afterall, the Nigerian god is ever willing to lavish us with sudden wealth or how else will he get our praises in this part? Obi is not a victim. Obi is what majority of young people in Nigeria aspire to. He will be fine. His ‘god’ will deliver him and put all his enemies to shame!

10 Things to Start Telling Yourself on Hard Days

1. Allow yourself to be a beginner. No one starts off being great. Do the best you can until you know better. Once you know better, do better.

2. Stop running away. Breathe. Be where you are. You’re where you’re supposed to be at this very moment. Every step and experience is necessary.

3. Use disappointment and frustration to motivate you rather than annoy you. Be mindful. You are in control of the way you respond to life.

4. You are not a product of your circumstances. You are a product of your decisions. It’s about deciding to NOT let your frustration or fear decide your future.

5. Don’t compare your progress with that of others. We all need our own time to travel our own distance. Focus on the step you are taking now, and make the best of it.

6. In a culture that seeks instant results, we must learn the beauty of effort, patience, and perseverance. Be strong, present, and steadfast. Stick to your positive daily rituals.

7. Patience is a genuine expression of confidence, acceptance, serenity, and faith in your own ability. It’s a sign of strength. Practice it.

8. As you face life’s inevitable obstacles, remember, it’s far better to be exhausted from lots of effort and learning, than to be tired of doing absolutely nothing.

9. Your struggle is part of your story. Being rejected from something you want often means you are being directed toward something you need…to take the next best step forward.

10. No life story is one chapter long. No chapter tells the whole tale. No mistake defines who you are. Keep turning the pages that need to be turned.

(MARCANDANGEL).

15 Of My Best Life Quotes Of All Time

1. Choosing to be positive and having a grateful attitude is going to determine how you're going to live your life - Joel Osteen.

2. If you don't like the road you are walking, start paving another one - Dolly Parton.

3. Beginning today, treat everyone you meet as if they were going to be dead by midnight. Extend to them all the care, kindness and understanding you can muster, and do it with no thought of any reward. Your life will never be the same again - Og Mandino.

4. To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone, and a funny bone - Reba McEntire.

5. Life's most persistent and urgent question is, '"What are you doing for others?" - Martin Luther King Jnr.

6. Those who don't believe in magic will never find it - Ronald Dahl.

7. Things are always better in the morning - Harper Lee.

8. Anyone who has ever made anything of importance, was disciplined - Andrew Hendrixson.

9. The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going - Ralph Waldo Emerson.

10. Don't live the same year 75 times and call it a life - Robin Sharma.

11. The grass is greener where you water it - Neil Barringham.

12. Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving - Albert Einstein.

13. You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough - Mae West

14. A bird doesn't sing because it has an answer, it sings because it has a song - Maya Angelou

15. In the end, it is not the years in your life that count, it is the life in your years - Abraham Lincoln.

8 Little Wake-Up Calls You Need to Receive Before it’s Too Late

1. You might not have tomorrow to say, “I love you.”
About a decade ago a coworker of mine died in a car accident. During his funeral several people from the office were in tears, saying kind things like: “I loved him. We all loved him so much. He was such a wonderful person.” I started crying too, and I wondered if these people had told him that they loved him while he was alive, or whether it was only with death that this powerful word, love, had been used without question or hesitation. I vowed to myself then and there that I would never again hesitate to speak up to the people I love and remind them of how much I appreciate them. They deserve to know they give meaning to my life. They deserve to know I think the world of them. Bottom line: If you love someone today, tell them. If you appreciate someone today, tell them. There might not be a tomorrow. Today is the day to express your love and admiration.

2. Your judgments of others are often inaccurate.
You will never know exactly what another person is going through or what their whole story is. When you believe you do, realize that your assumptions about their life are in direct relation to your limited perspective. Many people you believe to be successful are extremely unhappy. Many people you think have it easy worked their tail off achieve what they have. Many people who appear to be wealthy are in debt because of their extravagant tastes for material possessions. Many people who appear to you to be old and uncool were once every bit as young and hip and inexperienced as you.

3. Not trying is why most people fail.
It’s not the mistakes and failures you have to worry about, it’s the opportunities you miss when you don’t even try that hurt you the most. Trying always leads to success regardless of the outcome. Even mistakes and failures teach you what not to do next time. Thus, every outcome is a lesson that makes you stronger and wiser. In the end, there’s only one thing that makes a dream impossible to achieve: the failure to try. The results you achieve are not based on what you plan to do or what you say you’ll do. Your results come from what you actually try and do consistently. Your life will get better when you get better. Start investing in yourself mentally, physically, and spiritually. Make it a priority to learn and grow every day by building positive rituals and sticking to them. The stronger you become, the better your life will feel.

4. Patience does not mean waiting and doing nothing.
Patience involves productive activity. It means doing your very best with the resources available to you, while understanding that the results you seek are worth the required time and effort, and not available elsewhere for any less time and effort. Patience is the realization that the quality of your life is much more significant than the quantity of things you fill it with. Patience is your willingness to accept and appreciate what you have right now, while you put forth a steady, focused effort into growing toward your dreams and goals.

5. You don’t need anything more to be happy.
Intuitively, you already know that the best stuff in life isn’t stuff at all, and that relationships, experiences and meaningful work are the staples of a happy, fulfilling life. Yet you live in a consumer driven society where your mind is incessantly subjected to clever advertising ploys that drive you, against your better judgment, to buy material goods you don’t need or even want. At a certain point, the needless material objects you buy crowd out the emotional needs advertisers would like you to believe they are meant to support. So next time you’re getting ready to make an impulsive purchase, ask yourself if this thing is really better than the things you already have. Or have you been momentarily tricked into believing that you’re dissatisfied with what you already have?

6. You aren’t perfect, and neither is anyone else.
All humans are imperfect. At times, the confident lose confidence, the patient misplace their patience, the generous act selfish, and the knowledgeable second guess what they know. And guess what? You’re human—we all are. We make mistakes, we lose our tempers, and we get caught off guard. We stumble, we slip, and we spin out of control sometimes. But that’s the worst of it; we all have our moments. Most of the time we’re remarkable. So stand beside the people you love through their trying times of imperfection, and offer yourself the same courtesy; if you aren’t willing to, you don’t deserve to be around for the perfect moments either.

7. All the little things make a big difference.
Life isn’t about a single moment of great triumph and attainment. It’s about the trials and errors that get you there—the blood, sweat, and tears—the small, inconsequential things you do every day. It all matters in the end—every step, every regret, every decision, and every affliction. The seemingly useless happenings add up to something. The minimum wage job you had in high school. The evenings you spent socializing with coworkers you never see anymore. The hours you spent writing thoughts on a personal blog that no one reads. Contemplations about elaborate future plans that never came to be. All those lonely nights spent reading novels and news columns and comics strips and fashion magazines and questioning your own principles on life and sex and religion and whether or not you’re good enough just the way you are. All of this has strengthened you. All of this has led you to every success you’ve ever had. All of this has made you who you are today. Truth be told, you’ve been broken down a 1,000 times and put yourself back together again. Think about how remarkable that is, and how far you’ve come. You’re not the same person you were a year ago, a month ago, or even yesterday. You’re always growing… stronger!

8. Excuses are lies.
Make no mistake, there is always a lie lingering in between a dream and too many excuses. And the lie is you lying to yourself. The excuses and explanations won’t do you any good. They won’t add any value to your life or improve the quality of it by even the slightest margin. To fulfill your calling and get where you wish to go in life requires more than just thinking and talking. These feats require focused and sustained action. And the good news is, you’re perfectly capable of taking whatever actions are necessary. You just have to choose to actually do it. No one else can succeed for you on your behalf. The life you live is the life you build for yourself. There are so many possibilities to choose from, and so many opportunities for you to bridge the gap between where you are and where you want to be. Now is the moment to actually step forward.

(MARCANDANGEL).

Life Lesson: Pick Your Moments

A few minutes ago, Tennis world number one, Novak Djokovic defeated world number two and Centre Court star boy, Roger Federer, in the Wimbledon final.

For those that follow the sport, you will agree it was a classic. Familiar names, but they served us a match to remember taking the game to five sets, lasting for almost five hours! (The longest ever Wimbledon final).The aftermath of the game left me itching for my keypads. There were huge lessons to take away.

The general consensus from the bookmakers and simple viewers like myself, was that Roger Federer played the better tennis on the day. The two sets he won were 6-1, 6-4, and the two he lost before the deciding fifth set were tie-breaks. Infact, all the stats showed that Federer was streets ahead of him. Yet, Djokovic won that game. How? He picked his moments. He played his best tennis at the tie breakers and in the all deciding fifth set. In the second and fourth set, he lost easily and choose to conserve his energy wisely. In the war, he picked the most decisive battles and that made all the difference. In life, we must pick our moments. We must pace ourselves. We must know the most important battles in the war. We must learn to conserve energy, resources and time for when it truly matter. We are all finite resource so we must know when to strike.

Despite the partisan noise at Centre Court that almost made it feel like Federer was in Zurich, Novak Djokovic maintained his cool and brought out the steel that makes him such a doyen of the game. At times, you will be the unpopular one, the unfamiliar, the unloved and the crowd will want to get into your skin. The key is to use the detractors as fuel, and process the noise as 'fitting chants.' Federer's place in history is long preserved, and he will live to fight another day for his 21st grand slam title, but there was so much to learn from this game. Pick your moments!

Seven Things To Always Remember

1. Remember why you started in the first place. Frame your 'why' and ensure it is etched in the annals of your soul. When life gets tough and tight, look at the frame and remember why you are in the race in the first place.

2. Remember the moments that forged you into who you are today. Those scratching nights, those leeches that disguised as friends, those days that had 240 long bitter hours in them. Remember that it was for those moments that you were knocked into shape.

3. Remember family at all times. And family is not just blood, but those who hard times and life have revealed as your family. Remember them. You won't always be a messiah, but be there for family.

4. Remember to make the world better than you met it. In your pursuit for fortune and a good life, be a source of good to people. Remember to leave a smile when heaviness lurked around you. Remember to be the answer to the prayers of others. Do this at your own level.

5. Remember not to sweat the small stuff, because they are all stuff when all is said and done. Remember to give priority to the things that truly matter, that really counts. In the final analysis, you don't want to be 80 years old, and wonder what you have spent all your life focusing on.

6. Remember those that caused you severe pain. Not because you want to nurture an eternal grudge in your heart against them, but because you want to be wiser going forward. Remember to forgive those that severely hurt you, for to forgive is to liberate self, but don't forget their names. There are some hurts that is not worth revisiting. Never forget this.

7. Remember to always look out for yourself. Most people by nature, are inherently selfish, and will not always look out for you. They will look out for their interest first, they will pursue their goals first, and at times, might be vicious in how they go about it. It is not that they are bad people, it is just the way people are wired. Remember, it is in your best interest to always look out for yourself.

10 Quick Questions that Will Change the Way You Think Today

1. What could you be positive and happy about right now, if you really wanted to? – Your greatest weapon against stress and negativity is your ability to choose one thought over another. Happiness escapes from those who refuse to see the good in what they have. When life gives you every reason to be negative, think of one good reason to be positive.

2. What’s one problem you’re thankful you don’t have right now? – Smile, not because life has been easy, perfect, or exactly as you had anticipated, but because you choose to be happy and thankful for all the good things you do have, and for all the problems you know you don’t have.

3. What do you need to stop thinking and saying to yourself? – Stop discrediting yourself for everything you aren’t, and start giving yourself credit for everything you ARE. We have to learn to be our own best friends, because sometimes we fall too easily into the trap of being our own worst enemies.

4. What are you holding on to that you need to let go of? – One of the hardest lessons in life is letting go—whether it’s guilt, anger, love or loss. Change is never easy. You fight to hold on and you fight to let go, but oftentimes letting go is the healthiest path forward. It clears out toxic thoughts from the past. You’ve got to emotionally free yourself from the things that once meant a lot to you, so you can move beyond the past and the pain it brings you. Again, it takes hard work to let go and refocus your thoughts, but it’s worth every bit of effort you can muster.

5. Will you blame others and deny responsibility, or will you create an action plan to move forward? – Imagine how much more effective and happy you’d be if, instead of denying, blaming, dreading and fighting against certain situations and tasks, you simply got them handled.

6. How can you respond from a place of clarity and strength, rather than thoughtlessly reacting to this experience? – Every time you are tempted to react in the same old way, ask yourself if you want to be a prisoner of the past or a pioneer of the future. And remember that our character is often most evident in our highs and lows. Be humble at the mountaintops, be strong in the valleys, and be faithful in between.

7. How can you be of service to the greater good, so that everyone around you feels elevated, rather than weighed down? – Life is a gift, and it offers us the privilege, opportunity, and responsibility to give something back by becoming more. Thus, the best way to find yourself when times are tough, is to lose yourself in the service of a cause greater than yourself.

8. How are your expectations serving you, or hurting you? – Don’t lower your standards, but do remember that removing your expectations of everything is the best way to avoid being disappointed. Because, in a sense, expectations are like fine pottery—the harder you hold on to them, the more likely they are to crack. So just let go a little, and appreciate your life and relationships for what they truly are.

9. Who, or what, needs your forgiveness? – Forgiveness doesn’t always lead to healed relationships and situations. Some relationships and situations aren’t meant to be. Forgive anyway, and let what’s meant to be, BE. Go ahead and set yourself free. When you hold resentment toward another entity, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and break free.

10. What do you now know better for next time? – Don’t let your fear of past events affect all the possibilities ahead of you. Live for what today has to offer, not what yesterday has taken away. There will always be obstacles, but we are confined most often by the walls we build ourselves. What we see greatly depends on how we look at it. Forget what you’ve lost and focus on what you’ve learned.

(MARCANDANGEL).

Ten Things I Hope You Understand

1. I hope you understand that to try is to truly win. And that to have put your hands on the plough is to have conquered inertia. That this thing called victory is our creation, and should find personal 'meaning' with you

2. I hope you understand that love is still the greatest force on earth, irrespective of how unlucky you might have been with it. That to have loved, and to have been loved is one of life's greatest gift, and that you will always pick love over hate.

3. I hope you understand the 'why'of why you started at all. That in the midst of the chaos, the lingering noises that mask themselves as wisdom, you find your raison d'etre, the reason for which you ventured, and to thyself be true.

4. I hope you understand that every moment is fleeting. That you must find meaning for your appearance in this space. That doing what you love should be pursued either as the 'main event' of your life or as a 'side attraction.' That to totally ignore this path is to have only half-lived.

5. I hope you understand that life will throw you curve balls, catch you unawares alot, rock your boat uninvited and pass sour lemons your way. That to go through the school of hard knocks which life is, is what it means to have been educated, and that your badge of living comes from these vicissitudes.

6. I hope you understand that to be kind is a treasure you should gift everyone. That true kindness is in the little things...The opening the door for someone else, saying please, letting someone else take the last seat on the bus and simply being a good person.

7. I hope you understand that it is fine to cry. That it is perfectly ok to feel exhausted, whimper and not be up for it on some days. That on these days, the world will cut you some slack, but that you will get back on your feet and go again.

8. I hope you understand that people will not always be there for you. That there are some of life's battles you will have to go alone. That these battles are for 'self' only. Battles that will test your will, conviction, staying power and your loyalty.

9. I hope you understand that the gift of true friendship is priceless. That 'real' old friends are the best. That you must seek friends that will always have your back, and more importantly, you must be the kind of friend you seek.

10. I hope you understand that God is still the greatest waymaker. That He can pick your pieces and make a masterpiece from it, and that he loves you more than your mind can ever conceive. I hope you never forget this in your darkest days.

How to Be Grateful and Strong When Things Go Wrong

1. Be grateful around difficult people.
We expect people to treat us kindly, fairly, and respectfully. But the reality is some people won’t. They will lose their tempers or act foolishly, regardless of how we treat them. This must be accepted. Don’t lower your standards, but do remind yourself that removing your expectations of others—especially those who are being difficult—is the best way to avoid being disappointed by them. When you’re forced to deal with a difficult person, you can be grateful for having other people in your life who are far less difficult. You can be grateful for having a way to practice being better at patience, communication, and tempering your expectations. You can think of this person as a teacher who is inadvertently helping you to grow stronger as a person. And, at the very least, you can be grateful for them because they serve as a great reminder of how not to be.

2. Be grateful when you catch yourself starting to complain.
Many of us have developed a subtle habit of complaining when things don’t go quite our way. Gratitude is the antidote. Each time you notice yourself feeling bitter, or complaining, notice the story in your mind about “how life should be.” Instead of letting this story dominate you, find a small way to be grateful instead. What could you feel grateful for right now? What could you appreciate about this moment? Remember, there’s always something to be negative about—and something to be grateful for. The choice is ours.

3. Be grateful when you begin to feel overwhelmed.
Have you ever noticed how the more familiar you become with an amazing situation or relationship in your life, the more you seem to take it for granted—and even feel annoyed or overwhelmed in busy and stressful times? Challenge yourself to flip your perspective in these moments, using a simple reframing tool we call “. . . and I love it!”

4. Find gratitude after job loss.
No one wins at chess by only moving forward; sometimes you have to move backward to put yourself in a position to win. And that’s a good metaphor for your life’s work too. As painful as losing your job is, it’s an ending that leads to the beginning of everything that comes next. Let the heaviness of being successful be replaced by the lightness of starting over. This new beginning is the start of a different story, the opportunity to refresh your life, to reinvent who you are. Remind yourself, as often as necessary, that you can find gratitude for where you are. You can find gratitude for these moments of reinvention—for pushing into the discomfort of getting good at interviewing, learning new skills, and leveling up. You can find gratitude for the opportunity to grow stronger, even in the midst of the growing pains that ultimately get you there.

5. Find gratitude amid health problems.
A couple of years ago, on the second-to-last day of her life, a close friend of ours shared that her only regret was that she didn’t appreciate every year with the same passion and purpose that she had in the last two years of her life, after she was diagnosed with terminal cancer. “I’ve accomplished so much recently, and truly appreciated every step,” she said. “If I had only known, I would have started sooner.” Her words made us cry and smile at the same time. What was truly miraculous was seeing the genuine gratitude in her eyes at that moment. And her sentiment has always remained with us. So, while health problems are never fun, the pain can be mediated by a sense of gratitude for having a chance to move forward on our own terms. Of having a life worth living, from moment to precious moment.

6. Find gratitude when someone you love dies.
As we know firsthand, when you lose someone you can’t imagine living without, your heart breaks wide open. And the bad news is you never completely get over the loss—you will never forget them. However, we have the ability to push through the experience, and even find meaning in it. Ultimately, we grew to appreciate that although death is an ending, it is also a necessary part of living. Limits illuminate beauty, and death is the ultimate limit—a reminder that we need to celebrate this beautiful person, and appreciate this beautiful thing called life. Although deeply sad, this passing forces us to gradually reinvent our lives, and in this reinvention is an opportunity to experience beauty in new, unseen ways and places. And finally, death is an opportunity to celebrate a person’s life, and to be grateful for the beauty they showed us.

Life’s disappointments and struggles are not easy to find gratitude for, but they can become incredible paths of growth if we find the lessons in them—if we start to see everything as our teacher. Truly, the best time to focus on being grateful is when you don’t feel like it. Because that’s when doing so can make the biggest difference.

(MARCANDANGEL).

Every Moment Is A Battle

For in the end, freedom is a personal and lonely battle; and one faces down fears of today so that those of tomorrow might be engaged - Alice Walker

Life has taught me that every moment is a battle. Sharpen your blade and show up for the fight, or the fight will be brought to your doorsteps, anyway. Sometimes life is tough, but always you are tougher. Thus, live before you die. Be bold. Take risks. Go out and make some irreplaceable memories. At times, this thing called life is a paradox, and a tale of fights. We fight to get on the scene; but that is not enough. While on the scene, you must fight to keep your place at the table, and this can be a struggle, but that is just the way life is. Yet, the fight doesn’t end there. We are combating on many fronts on a daily basis. If it’s not a fight to be who you are, it is one for the future of your children.

In what was adjudged one of the greatest speech in the history of film-making, Tony D'Amato, who played Al Pacino in the 1999 movie ‘Any Given Sunday’ gave a rallying speech to his football team, Miami Sharks, when the odds were stacked against them. There are great nuggets from that speech that resonates mightily.

“I don't know what to say, really. Three minutes to the biggest battle of our professional lives. All comes down to today, and either, we heal as a team, or we're going to crumble. Inch by inch, play by play. Until we're finished. We're in hell right now, gentlemen. Believe me. And, we can stay here, get the shit kicked out of us, or we can fight our way back into the light. We can climb out of hell... one inch at a time. Now I can't do it for you, I'm too old. I look around, I see these young faces and I think, I mean, I've made every wrong choice a middle-aged man can make. I've pissed away all my money, believe it or not. I chased off anyone who's ever loved me. And lately, I can't even stand the face I see in the mirror. You know, when you get old, in life, things get taken from you. I mean, that's... that's... that's a part of life. But, you only learn that when you start losing stuff. You find out life's this game of inches, so is football. Because in either game - life or football - the margin for error is so small. I mean, one half a step too late or too early and you don't quite make it. One half second too slow, too fast and you don't quite catch it. The inches we need are everywhere around us. They're in every break of the game, every minute, every second. On this team we fight for that inch. On this team we tear ourselves and everyone else around us to pieces for that inch. We claw with our fingernails for that inch. Because we know when we add up all those inches, that's going to make the difference between winning and losing! Between living and dying! I'll tell you this, in any fight it's the guy whose willing to die who is going to win that inch. And I know, if I'm going to have any life anymore it's because I'm still willing to fight and die for that inch, because that's what living is, the six inches in front of your face. Now I can't make you do it. You've got to look at the guy next to you, look into his eyes. Now I think I am going to see a guy who will go that inch with you. You are going to see a guy who will sacrifice himself for this team, because he knows when it comes down to it you are going to do the same for him. That's a team, gentlemen, and either, we heal, now, as a team, or we will die as individuals. That's football guys, that's all it is. Now, what are you going to do?” Even people who don't like football, love this speech, because it's not just about football, it's about life! It’s about struggle and finding the necessary strength to rise up to the battles life and living throws at us.

Because life means a continual battle of one's success, failure, happiness, or unhappiness, a lot mostly depends upon one's knowledge of this battle. Whatever be one's occupation in life, whatever be one's knowledge, if one lacks the knowledge of the battle of life one lacks the most important knowledge of all. The question arises, of what does this knowledge of life's battle consist? It comprises the knowledge of warfare, how to fight and how to make peace. Human nature very often makes the mistake of taking sides, either the side of war or the side of peace. But if one studies the history of nations and races one will find that it was this mistake which often caused their failure. There have been times when nations and races have developed in their character the knowledge of peace, for instance people such as the Hindus with their most ancient civilization; but it could not bring them complete satisfaction as one side of human nature was neglected and misunderstood. In this present age it seems that the knowledge of warfare has developed; but on the other hand the knowledge of peace is absent; for the full knowledge of warfare is both the knowledge of battle and the knowledge of peace. This can be learned according to the mystics by battling with oneself, and by bringing about peace with one's own soul. The life of an individual being is not very different from the Life of the world. An individual person's home is not different from the world. An individual's body and mind and spirit form the whole universe. An individual life can fill the gap between the dawn of creation and the last day. Man does not realize how important is his own life, his self; and the study of his own life and his own self is a study of the greatest importance.

A healthy person has waiting at his door several illnesses, several diseases, waiting for the opportunity when they can attack him. A person with wealth has many who wait at his door for the chance to take away from him what he possesses. A person about whom good is said, has many awaiting a moment when something bad may be said about him. A person who has power or position, how many are not waiting for the opportunity to pull him down and see him slide down from the place where he stands! And what does this show? Why is it so? One may give a thousand reasons, and yet no proper reason. The best explanation one can give is that life is a continual battle. At times, in life, you have to quit looking for logical explanation to dissect your situation and rather, face what you must face, every day.
The process of creation began like this. According to science light comes from friction. It is one power against the other power, fighting; and from these two different forces striking upon each other comes an effect, and that effect in reality may be called life. In this lies the secret of both love and hate. One sees in the animal kingdom that the first tendency of the animals is instinctively to fight one another. This tendency becomes modified; and it is its modification and its reduced force that produce in them what we call virtues. As it is said in the Quran that the world was created out of darkness, so wisdom comes out of ignorance. And the best knowledge is not only the knowledge of all that is good and beautiful, all that is harmonious and peaceful, but also the knowledge of the causes that are behind all the conflicts and all the battles chat one has to face in life. The reason why man generally lacks this knowledge is because when he is faced with a battle he wants to fight, instead of first wanting to learn how to fight. And the one who goes into life's battle without first acquiring the knowledge of warfare loses in the end. But one who learns about this warfare of life first learns its reason and its causes, becomes more capable of fighting the battle of his life.

For this battle in life the first thing that is necessary is to keep the army in order. And what is this army? It is one's nervous power. Whatever be one's occupation, profession, walk in life, if one has no control over one's own nerves one will be unable to control that walk in life. Today people study political economy or various other kinds of economy, but the most essential economy is economizing the forces which make one healthy and strong through life. This army must be drilled and made to work at command. And one will find the proof of this when one can sleep at will, when one can rest and eat and work at will; then that army is really at one's command. In the words of Samuel Smiles ‘The battle of life is, in most cases, fought uphill; and to win it without a struggle were perhaps to win it without honor. If there were no difficulties there would be no success; if there were nothing to struggle for, there would be nothing to be achieved.’

(Excerpts from my book 'The Path Less Travelled' - https://www.amazon.com/Path-Less-Travelled-Reflections-Learning/dp/1540663507).