Thursday, July 25, 2013

10 Reasons To Forgive The Person You Hate The Most

1. Forgiveness allows us to take responsibility for our own happiness. Most of what we attract into our lives is a merereflection of what is inside of us. Our thoughtsand actions create our exterior world. The Lawof Attraction teaches us that like attracts like, and we will never experience a happy ending at the end of an unhappy journey. By holding onto anger and resentment (even inour subconscious mind), we are pre-paving our journey to be filled with anger and resentment. The way we feel and the emotions we hold are what we use to create allof our future experiences.(Read The Secret.) 2. Forgiveness allows us to see everyone in our lives as a teacher. Family members, spouses, friends, bosses, etc.– everyone is brought into our lives to teach usmore about ourselves. Thanking them for being a part of our journey and teaching us lessons that we now no longer need to learn is an incredible step in expanding our consciousness. This same philosophy applies to our negative, failed relationships too. Once you truly learn the lesson behind why a negative relationship came into your life, you will then no longer attract situations and future relationships that attempt to teach you the same lesson. You get to graduate and grow so you no longer keep repeating the same unpleasant experience over and over again. 3. Forgiveness helps us stop playing the victim card. Adjusting your perspective to a place of forgiveness and gratitude allows you to no longer play the victim card. Most of the time you are not a victim of anything other than your own vibration and level of attraction. When you continue to blame someone else, you automatically give control of your life to someone else and thus set yourself up to be a lifelong victim. 4. Forgiveness makes us aware that most people are doing the bestthey can. Have compassion for where other people are intheir lives. It might not be where you are, but most people are doing the best they can at their particular level of awareness and understanding.(Read The Four Agreements.) 5. Forgiveness embodies the concept of “what goes around comes around.” We are all human and we have all done “unthinkable” things. And deep down, we all yearn for the same forgiveness. When we release others from the penalties of their actions, we create a space where our own thoughtless actions against others can be forgiven as well. 6. Forgiveness forces our own levelof consciousness to expand. The process of growth is continuous. The moment we stop learning, searching for lessons and expanding our consciousness, the ego steps in and takes over. We are always moving toward something greater, and forgiveness helps us get there faster by eliminating our ties to dead weight from our past. 7. Forgiveness teaches us to keep our expectations tempered. We should never be expecting anything from anyone. When we do this, we give up our own power to decide. We alone are the creator of our universe, and when we are connected to our own inner source, we no longer “need” anything from anyone. It’s still nice to receive things from time to time, but we don’t need these things to move forward with our lives.(Read Forgiveness Is a Choice.) 8. Forgiveness teaches us to tone down our instincts for self-preservation. Too often we injure one another simply because we are trying to protect ourselves (financially, emotionally, etc.), even when it’s at someone else’s expense. We have all done it. Becoming aware of this pattern allows us tostop needlessly injuring others for our own benefit. And as you know, what goes around comes around… 9. Forgiveness creates a space to let go and love. Not everyone and every situation is meant to be a part of our lives forever. Sometimes they are only there long enough to help us open the next chapter of our story. Letting go creates space to let new people and experiences in. In addition, we are all connected. We have never met another person that we have not loved in some small way. Sometimes we just don’t consciously know how to understand it and show it. Simply put, forgiveness in and of itself is an act of letting go of our differences and connecting with our oneness and love for each other and the world we inhabit. 10. Forgiveness is the best revenge. A bit of sarcasm in this one, but it’s so true. You can always seek revenge positively by creating a better future for yourself. Because nothing annoys an adversary or negative forcein your life more than seeing you smile after you have genuinely forgiven them and moved forward with your life. (MANDG).

Saturday, July 13, 2013

Amaechi And His Many Devils!

First things first. Let us establish from the onset, that Rivers State governor, Rotimi Amaechi is in no way a saint, neither is he devoid of any blemish currently plaguing both himself and his state. Having said that, the evidences are overwhelming to show that Amaechi is fighting a plethora of forces from several quarters. The canker worm eating up the state sprouts from different avenues, and their resolve is made of a sterner stuff. The events of the past few days in Rivers State is not only ludicrous, but it is a sordid reminder to us all that our democracy (if ever there was one) has been plunged in destruction. It is not a new sight to behold. During the fourth republic, the Ladoja and Adedibu shenanigans readily comes to mind. It is also worth mentioning that the evil that befell Chris Ngige during his turbulent days as governor of Anambra state bears some similarities with Amaechi current ordeal. His godfather, Chris Uba, under the shadows of Olusegun Obasanjo gave Ngige a fight he will never forget. Today, graduate of English language from UNIPORT and erstwhile speaker of the Rivers State House of Assembly, Rotimi Amaechi is the man in the middle of the storm. Forget the combat that transpired in the floor of the Rivers House of Assembly, forget the sheer shameless attitude of the police in the state, forget the crass madness being displayed by the PDP in the state. Without mincing words, the entire brouhaha is about Rotimi Amaechi. As long as the octopus forces against him are concerned, he must be dispensed by all means. It begs the question: What is Amaechi's sin? Has it amounted to treason that he won the NGF election? Is it atrocious for him to nurse presidential ambition (assuming it is true)? Or is his youthful nature a source of irritation for the powers that be? No matter what presidential aide, Doyin Okupe makes us believe, the obvious truth to any discerning Nigerian is that the hand of Aso Rock is the unseen hand that hovers around Rivers state and most of it's troubles. Having said that, those lawmakers that were involved in the exchange of blows at the House should be grossly dealt with. Such display of shame from politicians that we pay a fortune monthly should never be condoned. The facts are polarized, but no matter what you believe, it is a truism that the police commissioner in the state, Joseph Mbu, is not without plausible blemish. Amaechi's ordeal tells us that it is possible to engage the powers that be in a duel and come out victorious, but with a price. We have certainly not seen the last of the ever unfolding drama that has come to characterize Rivers State, but what we know for sure is that the days ahead will be full of intrigues and Amaechi's devils have not unleashed their last abracadabra. President Goodluck Jonathan and his lady, Dame Patience must be reminded that while power might be a sweet spell to hold, it's longevity is a mirage. The president has too many sycophants and power-hungry men around him, and for their own interests, they have succeeded in poisoning his heart beyound redemption against Amaechi. Perhaps, it is worth saying that Amaechi himself should never seize to always act within the confines of the law (and sanity). If it was true that it was his CSO that engaged a lawmaker in that fight at the State Assembly Chambers, then he should cover his face in shame. Penultimately, it is a sad country when 16 is now higher than 19, when 5 is greater than 27, and when a mere simple vote among senate members on the Rivers state debacle, becomes an issue. The path to 2015 has just become more ominous!

Wednesday, July 10, 2013

11 Habits You Need To Give Up To Be Happy

1. Worrying about… everything. Worry is the biggest happiness slayer ever. Worry steals all of your attention and gives theillusion that you are working through a problem when you are not. As Van Wilder said, “Worrying is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it doesn’t get you anywhere.” People worry for all sorts of reasons: to escape reality, fear of the unknown, resistance to change, lack of confidence, etc. Stopping worry, like everything else takes practice; the more you do it, the better you will become at discerning when you are no longer controlling your thoughts and they are controlling you. Tip:To jolt yourself out of worry, ask yourself what you can do “right now” to make your life more pleasant and then do that! 2. Constant, deliberate, people-pleasing. Contrary to what you may think, saying “yes” to every request that is made of you is not nice. First, it is not nice to you because it can leave you emotionally, mentally and physically drained. And second, it is not nice to the other person, because it deceives them into thinking that you have the time, energy and otherresources available to make what they want happen, when you do not. Generally people who carry out the duties of others at the expense of themselves have low self-esteem and high levels of unhappiness. They need the approval of others to make themselves feel worthy. Tip:To combat people-pleasing behavior, learnto say “no.” Oftentimes when you say “no” to someone else, you are really saying “yes” to YOU. 3. Procrastinating. Procrastination is stagnation. There is no other way to say it. When you procrastinate, nothing good in your life is happening. We procrastinate for all sorts of reasons. When we are afraid of the outcome, we are unsure how to complete the task and when wejust don’t feel like taking action. And the thing is, we spend more time aggravating ourselves with worry about how long or how difficult the task is going to be rather than just doing it. More often than not, if you just start your task, you will be pleasantly surprised at how easily you are ableto accomplish it. Tip:When you feel yourself getting ready to procrastinate, silently say “stop” to yourself, refocus and begin again by taking calculated action that will lead to the results you desire.(Read Getting Things Done.) 4. Living in the past. The past is gone for good and yet we spend so much time thinking about what happened yesterday, at the complete expense of today. Keeping your thoughts stuck in the past is especially detrimental to your contentment. You are a product of your environment. Your environment has helped to shape how you think and feel about yourself. Everyone has been presented with life challenges along their journey – you aren’t alone. It is whether you are stuck in the patterns of the past or have moved past them. Tip:If you are harboring resentment, anger, frustration or other negative feelings from your past, don’t ignore these feelings. Do something constructive about itso that you can move into the present. 5. Always looking past the present moment in anticipation of the next. We spend so much time in this moment, wanting to be in the next one, that we are missing our lives. For example, while taking a shower, you mightbe thinking about that cup of coffee you want to make, and while you are drinking your coffee, you might be thinking about your commute to work. You are never consciously present right where you are and therefore cannot enjoy the moment you are in – the moment we call “life.” Tip:Now is the only time you have. Now is life.Make sure you are fully experiencing it. 6. Judging others. When you judge someone else, you suffer. It is an outward display of inward inferiority and anger. No one person is better than another. The individual who cleans the bathroom at a fast food restaurant is no less of a person than the CEO that uses it. Tip:Understand that we are all part of the collective human race. We are one. Your joy is my joy and your suffering is my suffering.(Read Buddha’s Brain.) 7. Comparing your story to everyone else’s. It is good to notice what others are doing from time to time. After all, that is what helps us outline what we want and don’t want in our own lives. But comparing yourself to everyoneelse every step of the way takes it too far. Youknow when this happens – when you stop living your dreams or start living theirs. Tip:You are unique. No matter how hard you try to be like someone else, you will never be them, and you shouldn’t want to be. 8. Shame. Shame is a deep, debilitating emotion, with complex roots. Its cousins are guilt, humiliation, demoralization, degradation and remorse. After experiencing a traumatic event, whether recent or in the distant past, shame can haunt victims in a powerful and often unrecognized manner. Shame impairs the healing and recovery process causing victims of trauma to stay frozen, unable to forgive themselves for being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Shame leaves victims with feelings of sadness and pain at the core of their being. They are unable to feel the fullness of joy in their lives. If you feel any shame at all, acknowledge it upfront. Decide to experiment on forgiving yourself and letting go of the shame. How long can you go without reminding yourself about the shameful thoughts and feelings? How would life be different or better if you were able to forgive yourself? Who can you talk to about this? Tip:The more you forgive yourself, the more time you have to focus your mind on happier times. 9. Disorganization and laziness. We complain that there are not enough hours in a day to accomplish all that we want, yet our laziness often leads us to many wasteful hours of disorganization. The discipline it takes to sort through a messy desk, counter, closet or mind take time. Becoming organizedis a habit. Start with something small, like your office desk or even making your bed afteryou get up. Tip:Studies have shown that people who maketheir beds are statistically more productive, profitable and peaceful in their lives and careers. Interesting, isn’t it? But not surprising. 10. Fear of… everything. Fear is one of the biggest reasons why we don’t move ahead in our lives. Fear of failing and fear of succeeding. Fear of the unknown. Fear of fear. As long as we are alive, we are prone to some level of fear. Ironically, to feel alive we must overcome that fear with action. As Bill Cosby once said, “Decide that you wantit more than you are afraid of it.” Tip:Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that your happiness and growth is more important than it. Do something every day that stretches your comfort zone and helps you face what your fear.(Read Daring Greatly.) 11. The need to be busy. Busyness is often confused with productivity. They are two different things. Busy is running in place on a treadmill; productivity is actuallygetting somewhere worthwhile. These days technology gives us this constant feeling that there is so much to do and not enough time to do it. We are always connected to something that wants our attention, or something that could be done. This feeling creates stress. The more behind you think you are, the more stressed out you are going to feel. Stress is not good for you. It makes it difficult to think, connect with others and it is associated with a plethora of physical ailmentsthat lead to unhappiness. Tip:Stop trying to be busy. Put first things first and give up the rest. Organization, meditation, improved time management and efficiency and a change in perception are all ways to manage stress. You must learn to let go. Release the excess. You were never able to do it all anyway. (M&A).

Tuesday, July 2, 2013

Jonathan And His Choking Fresh Air!

The half way point of the Jonathan presidency has elapsed, but the signs of a happy ending remains elusive. Forget the transformation cliches that emits out of the mouths of the president and his cohorts, sycophants, and bereft officials, our country has retrogressed in many forms. A glance at the midterm scorecard that is been peddled by Jonathan's errand boys tells you that the report was a sheer futile attempt to trade falsehood. Again, Nigerians are not that gullible. The question many of us should ask ourselves is: Are we better off than when Jonathan and his team took over in 2011? One does not need a magic wand to answer that. What we have witnessed for more than two years is an administration that have steered the Nigeria ship in rudderless form and untold impunity. It is either the team is not capable, or that they are too enmeshed in bickering, politicking and corruption. As you read this, our roads are still daily death traps for many, power supply remains an herculean task, unemployment is at an all time high, corruption is still the name of the game, and other countless sins of this regime that are too numerous to rehash. If this is fresh air, then we are in a real quagmire. Now, the unending ASSU strike admist many other industrial actions, has reared up it's head again. It is a manifestation of administrative ineptitude that in the midst of all these perilous challenges, Jonathan has found engagement in pettiness. 2015 is now the new creed for his government, and they don't even give a thought what happens to Nigerians between now and then. He has found a new task in meddling into the affairs of the governors forum, and fighting the embattled Rivers state governor, Rotimi Amaechi appears to be his number one agenda these days. This is not a question of whether Jonathan means well for Nigerians or not, we are not impressed with his performance thus far. In the final analysis, performance is all that matters, and if success is to be measured in phases, the man once without shoes have not done enough. It is worth saying that the Egyptian protests that have engulfed the country recently is over sheer dissatisfaction with president Mohammed Morsi's one year in office. Yes, one year. And perhaps it should be known that the grievances of the protesters has nothing to do with basic amenities (issues they had long outlived). In conclusion, this is not intended to take a swipe at the Jonathan administration, but it is the home truth on the state of our nation today. How long do we have to wait to replace this choking air with the fresh air this regime once promised?