Saturday, February 24, 2018

Of Snakes and Monkeys: The Joke is on Us


It is one of the hallmarks of our coping mechanism as a people that we find the funny side of every inimical event. Yet, there comes a time when we need to behold our collective sensibility and tell ourselves some home truth. At a time when high school children in the United States are standing up to President Trump, Congress and the powerful National Rifle Association (NRA) in the wake of the 17 kids killed at Stoneman Douglas in Florida, we in Nigeria are seeing the funny side of our quagmire and sorry state. It was a thing of cruel joke when the news broke that snakes had carted away a whopping 36 million naira from the headquarters of the Joint Admission Matriculation Board. While we regurgitated on the madness, news filtered through on the real reason why Abdullahi Adamu (Nasarawa – APC) was removed as chairman of the Northern Senators Forum. According to the maverick, Shehu Sani, about 70 million naira belonging to the group was claimed to have been carted away by monkeys in a farm house.

Since these dual stories broke, the internet has gone agog with memes and clapback captions that seeks to make light of the issues. Yet, the joke is on us as a people. It stops being funny when we take a moment to reflect on the anomalies of this trend. The monies being spoken about belong to Nigerians, and it is sad that barely any one is asking the salient questions. In a saner nation, Senator Shehu will not insult our collective intelligence by making such remarks, neither will the so-called JAMB official tell us about snakes and their money eating abilities.

The biggest losers in these is the people. We play too much and move on too quickly. In a country where the poverty ratio is still one of the worst in the world and unemployment index at an all-time high, we are too lethargic in our response. For a people in dire sh*thole, our pretentious happiness is befuddling. They say we are among the happiest people in the world, but that happiness is mostly a façade and a smokescreen at best. It has beclouded us of our humanity, our ability to speak to power and the ‘citizens clout’ required for a change.

While the jokes of snakes and monkeys dominated the social media space, we heard the story of how 90 school girls were kidnapped from Dapachi community, in Yobe state. The omen ahead of the general elections in 2019 looks ominous already. The politicians are more interested in readjusting the electoral calendar for their sheer selfish interests than fixing this nation now. On the eve of the election year, the art of governance has taken the back burner. Taxpayers monies will be used to bankroll the scheming and electioneering process. Yet, we the people will go on every social media platforms and hurl ethnic stones at each other over our political alignments. If we have learnt anything from history, it is that we have not learnt anything at all. In the words of Charly Boy ‘Our mumu don do.’

Sunday, February 18, 2018

15 Tiny Stories for Those Who Have Lost Their Motivation


1. “Today marks a full year that I’ve been eating right and working out daily. This time last year I weighed 301 pounds. When I saw my weight on the scale at the doctor’s office I knew it was time for a change. Now, after a year of exercising my will power, and using no dieting pills or gastric bands, or anything artificial, I went back to the doctor’s office for my annual check-up. “172 pounds,” my doctor said. “You know, your positive lifestyle changes just added roughly 10 years to your life expectancy.” My 11-year-old daughter, who came with me, grabbed my hand and said, “I look forward to spending those extra years with you, mommy.”

2. “The drummer in our local jazz band, Nick, is legally deaf, and has been since he was born. But he can still hear low bass tones and feel the vibrations from the drums and other instruments. Honestly, he’s such an incredible drummer, most people don’t believe he’s deaf. Sometimes I can’t believe it myself.”

3. “This morning, on my 47th birthday, I re-read the suicide letter I wrote on my 27th birthday about two minutes before my girlfriend showed up at my apartment and told me, ‘I’m pregnant.’ She was honestly the only reason I didn’t follow through with it. Suddenly I felt I had something to live for. Today she’s my wife, and we’ve been happily married for 19 years. And my daughter, who is now a 21-year-old college student, has two younger brothers. I re-read my suicide letter every year on my birthday as a reminder to be thankful—I am thankful I got a second chance at life.”

4. “I got my acceptance letter and full scholarship to MIT last week. Now my single mother can use the money she’s been saving diligently for the past 18 years from working three jobs, almost every single day, to give herself the better life she deserves.”

5. “Today, my company employs 47 intelligent, hard working individuals and turns a net profit of nearly $5 million a year. I started this company 11 years ago after I was laid off by IBM. If they hadn’t laid me off, I might still be working in a shared cubicle at IBM’s headquarters.”

6. “Last night, like he has numerous times over the past three years, my grandfather proposed to my grandmother who has Alzheimer’s and sometimes struggles to remember who he is.”

7. “At four o’clock this morning I awoke to my daughter calling my name. I was sleeping on a sofa chair in her hospital room. I opened my eyes to her beautiful smile. My daughter has been in a coma for exactly 99 days.”

8. “My chemo therapy is making me lose chunks of my long strawberry-blonde hair—a physical attribute I’ve always believed made me attractive. This afternoon I had a cute male nurse shave my head because my hair has become incredibly patchy. As I was tearing up because it was hard seeing the rest of my hair fall to the floor, the nurse bent down in front of me and sincerely said, ‘Gosh, you have the most beautiful eyes.’”

9. “It’s been exactly 15 years since I had just a few bucks to my name and could not buy my daughter pens and paper for school. A local charity stepped in and bought her school supplies and clothes. Now my daughter has graduated from Yale, started a successful business, and I work for her. And I’m donating money to that same charity to pay the kindness forward.”

10. “Last week I interviewed a motel housekeeper in Miami Beach for a side project I’m working on. ‘Do you like your job?’ I asked. To my surprise, she smiled from ear to ear and was breathless for a couple seconds. She finally collected herself and said, ‘I can’t believe how much I love my job! I get to make dozens of our guests happy every day and feed my two beautiful children at the same time.’”

11. “A 9-year-old patient of mine will be undergoing her 12th surgery in the past two years to combat a rare form of cancer. Even after all the surgeries I’ve never seen her frown. She’s still 100% sure she’ll survive. And I’m certain her attitude is the primary reason she has survived to this point. She still laughs and plays with her friends and family. She has intelligent goals for the future. A kid like her who can go through everything she’s been through and come out smiling is the reason I wake up and work hard every day.”

12. “I recently found an old hand-written note my 86-year-old mom wrote when she was just a junior in college. On it is a list of qualities she hoped she would someday find in man. The list is basically an exact description of my dad, whom she is still married to today, and whom she didn’t meet until she was 39.”

13. “I’m a struggling musician, and a bit of a loner based on my ongoing struggles with depression. I always thought my music career would take me farther than it has. After a local concert this evening, a teenage boy walked up to me, shook my hand and then hugged me. He said, ‘Thank you.’ ‘For what?’ I asked. ‘I’ve been really stressed out lately. Let’s just say I’m not one of the popular kids at school. But I have something I look forward to every day. When I get home from school, and no one is home, I put your two albums on shuffle and sing along as loud as I can,’ he said.”

14. “Ten years after I had six miscarriages in a row and was told I would never have kids—that my uterus was incapable of holding a baby past twelve weeks—I sat in my 8-year-old son’s bed this morning to wake him for his birthday. Just sitting there, breathing with him, and knowing that I have my very own version of miracle makes me want to make the best of whatever comes my way, every single day.”

15. “The homeless man who used to sleep near my condo showed up at my door this afternoon wearing the business suit I gave him over a decade ago. He said, ‘I have a clean home, a good job, and a family now. Ten years ago, I wore this business suit to all my job interviews. Thank you.’”

(MARCANDANGEL).

Sunday, February 11, 2018

A Lot Depends On Your Perspective


“When life comes and sweeps you off your feet, you have the choice to remain on the ground where people will coddle you or get up so people will be inspired by you. It’s not easy, but change never is.” – Neal Samudre

Typically, when we’re worried or upset, it’s because we’ve lost perspective. Everything that is happening in our lives seems so big, so important, so do or die, but in the grand picture, this single hiccup often means next to nothing. The fight we’re having, the job we didn’t get, the real or imagined slight, the unexpected need to shift course, the thing we wanted, but didn’t get. Most of it won’t matter 20, 30, 40 years from now. It’s hard to see long term when all you know is short term, but unless it’s life-threatening, let it go, and move on. It is really how you choose to see that determines if it is a bad or a good situation.

Have you ever wondered why some people are continuously ‘lucky’? Everything seems to go right for them, they are rarely upset and have a constant smile on their face. So, you think their life is perfect; lacking problems or troubles. I know plenty of people like that and am currently in the process of learning what makes them so happy. It almost seems unfair, that some people just get what they want in life – while others don’t. But I thought that if they can do it, then so can I. So I found that the reason they are so ‘lucky’ is not that they have a perfect life and no problems – but the way they handle these and choose to experience life. It is no longer a secret that what you give out is what you get. And if you constantly swear and are unhappy, well, then you will often find yourself in unhappy situations. Yet, I have found that every single one of us has at least some control over their situations. And it all starts in reactions, mindset and perspectives. Changing your view or changing your perspective can change your life for the better. That’s why it’s always important to seek fresh perspectives. Looking through a new lens –or just a clean one — can put you in a whole new place and put you on a better life path. Without perspective, you might not understand that even if you win the rat race, you’re still a rat. Instead of asking “Who Moved My Cheese? Ask, “How can I move myself out of here to get a better view of things?”

When facing a problem, there are two ways you can look at it – as a problem, or a challenge to find a solution to. Your perspective on it will change the way you handle it. If you then handle it in a positive, hopeful way, chances of resolving it are so much higher. Now, imagine always having a positive attitude: you smile more, trust more, have more fun and see life as an opportunity, rather than a misery. This is how so called lucky people find themselves in favourable situations – some of these situations may be considered problems by someone else, however that person lacks the ‘problem’ perspective, and only sees the good in life.
So, how can YOU change your perspective to a more positive one?

1. When you find yourself in a bad situation, take a deep breath. After 3 deep breaths you should be more calm, and have a clearer mind to change your thinking pattern. Then, think about the situation, and find at least 3 good things that could arise from it.
2. When you see a person who has mastered the positive attitude, watch them, and ask them for advice. Learning from others is always a very effective way to get better at something. So watch them, talk to them, and find out what they are doing, then apply it to yourself.
3. Stop looking at everything that goes wrong, and focus on what’s going right.
It’s all in how you look at things – a matter of perspective. Sometimes how you look at things makes all the difference in the world. Is it a rain storm that ruined your picnic, or is it a healthy rain that is nourishing the plants and animals? Or maybe it’s an opportunity to have a carpet picnic with your family – all the fun, none of the ants! We’re so conditioned to look at things and see the negative. We need to learn to condition ourselves to see the positive side of situations. Why? Simple. Things are not always going to go our way. If we train ourselves to look for the bright side, it will make those times much more tolerable. Perspective is an amazing thing, so is life…try and keep it in perspective.
One of the big differences between people who are successful in life and business and people who aren’t is how they look at things, which in turn shapes how they make decisions. If you aren’t satisfied with your progress up the corporate ladder, the value of your investment portfolio or your ability to find a partner you might have more success by altering how you look at things and therefore how you decide to act.

Understanding one’s self and the ways in which one has been socialized to see the world are indispensable for understanding others in respectful, inclusive ways. Learning to see the wonder of life in a blade of grass is perhaps one of the most important things we can learn. If we can’t see the beauty and wonder of life in nature, how can we see it in each other. Did you pay off a tiny debt? Did you finish a project that took you forever? Before diving into the next thing, take a moment to have a little victory party with those you love.

Finally, in life, nothing is "wrong" or "right" (very rare circumstances aside). "Wrong" and "right," especially in regard to where you want to go in life, are relative terms. Too often, we think of "success" or "doing what we love" as an end. Like it's some destination that we have to reach. What so many people fail to realize is that both of those terms are more of an approach to the journey, not the end of the journey itself. You are "successful" when you are walking your path, always learning, always growing. You are "doing what you love" when you see every moment as an opportunity. It's on you to discover what that opportunity is. Where a lot of Millennials and young adults (my peers) seem to get frustrated is they see everything as permanent. They say, "I'm stuck here," looking at their cubicle job as the end, there is nowhere else to go, and they feel like they will never reach the desired destination of "success." But no matter where you work, or what you're doing, there are lessons to be learned. And unless you can discover those lessons and embrace your own journey, you will never actually reach the state of feeling "successful"--in the sense that you are learning and growing and effortlessly becoming a better version of yourself. The reason why so many people struggle with this is because it means taking accountability. It is so, so easy to sit in a cubicle or an office or even somewhere you enjoy being and say, "This place isn't giving me enough. It's not making me grow." This is the same as blaming other people for how you feel, or your personal issues. Just like a mirror, if you point, your reflection will point back. The key is to point at yourself. If you look in the mirror and you point at your physical self, your reflection in the mirror will point at itself. When you "pull the thumb," you take accountability. You are shifting your perspective from "blame" to "ownership." You are allowing yourself to open up and see opportunity instead of oppression. This same theory goes for everything: work, personal relationships, even the way you feel about yourself. In conclusion, always focus on the lesson, not the problem. Remember, perspective can be everything.

Culled from my book, The Path Less Travelled (https://www.amazon.com/Path-Less-Travelled-Reflections-Learning/dp/1540663507/ref=la_B01NAFINA0_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1518345927&sr=1-1).

Monday, February 5, 2018

4 Things We Think We Need Today that Won’t Matter at All in the Long Run


1. We think we need all those text messages, social updates, memes, and perfect Instagram pics.


If it entertains you now but will hurt or bore you someday, it’s a distraction. Don’t settle. Don’t exchange what you want most for what you kind of want at the moment. Study your habits. Figure out where your time goes, and remove distractions. It’s time to focus on what matters. A good place to start? Learn to be more human again. Don’t avoid eye contact. Don’t hide behind gadgets. Smile often. Ask about people’s stories. Listen. You can’t connect with anyone, including yourself, unless you are undistracted and present. And you can’t be either of the two when you’re Facebooking, Instagramming or Snapchatting your life away. You just can’t! If you are constantly attached to your smartphone and only listening with your ears as your eyes check for the next social update, you are ripping yourself off of actually experiencing real relationships and real life. The same is true for texting too. Yes, someday you will be slapped with the reality of a missed MEMORY being far more unsettling than a missed TEXT! Let this be your wake-up call! Too often we choose to distract ourselves with gadgets and news and videos and music and memes, 24/7, just to stimulate ourselves. It’s like second nature to us—we’re so used to feeling like the present moment isn’t worthy of our full presence. And this mindset of dissatisfaction and distraction—of reality never being enough for us – trickles into every facet of our lives… What if we admitted that life is slipping away right now, and saw the fleeting time we have as enough, without needing to share it on social media or capture it or filter it in any way?

What if we accepted the “bad” with the good, the letdowns with the lessons, the annoying with the beautiful, the anxiety with the opportunity, as part of a package deal that this moment alone is offering us? What if we paused right now, and saw everything with perfect clarity and no distractions? Keep thinking about it… Would we live more meaningful and memorable lives? Would we have more beautiful stories to cherish and share? Now is the best time to look around and be grateful—for our health, our homes, our families, our friends, and our momentary opportunities. Nothing else will matter as much when we look back someday.

2. We think we need more approval from the masses.

We worry about what other people think of us. We worry about our appearance. We worry if she’ll like us. We worry if he likes that other woman. We worry that we’re not accomplishing all that we should be. We worry that we’ll fall flat on our faces. We worry that we’re not enough just the way we are. And of course, we worry about all those foolish, thoughtless things someone once said about us. And social media—with its culture of getting us to seek constant approval with virtual likes and hearts—with its endless highlight reel of perfect bodies and epic travels—it only intensifies the problem. Realize this. You don’t need any of that social validation and distraction in your life!

It’s the strength of your conviction that determines your level of personal achievement in the long run, not the number of people who agree with every little thing you do. Ultimately, you will know that you’ve made the right decisions and followed the appropriate path when there is genuine peace in your heart, and when the few people who truly mean the world to you are the ones celebrating your success alongside you. It’s nice to have acquaintances. It’s important to be involved in your community to an extent. But don’t get carried away and spread yourself too thin. Leave plenty of time for the people and projects that matter most to you. Your time is extremely limited, and sooner or later you just want more of it with the select few people and projects that make you smile for all the right reasons. The ultimate goal is to never let some random person’s opinion become your reality. To never sacrifice who you are, or who you aspire to be, because someone on the internet has a problem with it. To love who you are inside and out as you push forward. And to realize once and for all that no one else has the power to make you feel small unless you give them that power. Of course, sometimes the pressure and dysfunctional judgements coming from peers, work, and society in general is enough to make us feel completely broken inside. If we do things differently, we’re looked down upon. If we dream big, we’re ridiculed. Or if we don’t have the “right” job, relationship, lifestyle, and so forth, by a certain age or time frame, we’re told that we’re not good enough. But that is just NOT true, and it’s your job to acknowledge it! So, here’s a new mantra for you (say it, and then say it again): “This is my life, my choices, my mistakes and my lessons. As long as I’m not hurting people, I need not worry what they think of me.”

3. We think we need to engage in the daily drama that seems so significant.

99% of the drama in our lives isn’t significant in the long run, because it isn’t even real. It’s all in our heads. Just a momentary rise in our blood pressure for all the wrong reasons. In a nutshell, most drama is simply the consequence of our inner resistance to outer incidents. Thus, there’s a strong chance the drama you are going through at any given moment is not fueled by the words or deeds of others, or any external sources at all; it is fueled primarily by your mind that gives the drama importance.

Why do we get so easily stressed out and sucked into needless drama? It’s because the world isn’t the predictable, orderly, blissful place we’d like it to be. We want things to be easy, comfortable and well ordered 24/7. But, unfortunately, sometimes work is hectic, relationships are challenging, important people demand our time, we aren’t as prepared as we’d like to be, and there’s just too much to do and learn and process in our minds. So our inner resistance begins to boil over. The problem is that we’re holding on too tightly to ideals that don’t match reality. We have subconsciously set up expectations in our minds of what we want other people to be, what we want ourselves to be, and what our work and relationships and life “should” be like. Our attachment to our ideals—our resistance to accept things as they are—stirs stress in our minds and drama in our lives. And we don’t want to be a part of this drama. At least that’s what we tell ourselves. So we blame others for it… and then we engage in even more of it!

But there’s good news: we can break the cycle, let go of drama, and find peace with reality. You can build a healthy daily ritual of stopping the needless drama in your life, and rediscovering the peace and joy and love that are always just a few thoughts away.

4. We think we need another comfortable, leisurely day.

A comfortable, leisurely day sounds nice, for a moment. But it’s not the kind of day you’ll look back on with gratitude for how far you’ve come. Truth be told, the most common and destructive addiction in the world is the draw of comfort. Why pursue growth when you already have 400 television channels, YouTube and a recliner? Just pass the dip and lose yourself in a trance. WRONG! That’s not living—that’s existing. Living is about learning and growing through excitement and discomfort. It’s about asking questions and seeking answers. And life is filled with questions, many of which don’t have an obvious or immediate answer. It’s your willingness to ask these questions, and your courage to march boldly into the unknown in search of the answers on a daily basis, that gives life it’s meaning.

In the end, you can spend your life feeling sorry for yourself, cowering in the comfort of a recliner, wondering why there are so many problems out in the real world, or you can be thankful that you are strong enough to endure them. It just depends on your mindset. The obvious first step in this arena, though, is convincing yourself to get up and do the uncomfortable things that need to be done. Your mind needs to be exercised to gain strength. It needs to be worked on a daily basis to grow. If you haven’t pushed yourself in lots of small ways over time—if you always avoid doing the uncomfortable things—you’ll almost certainly crumble on the inevitable days that are harder than you expected.

Choose to go to the gym when it would be more comfortable to sleep in. Choose to do the tenth rep when it would be more comfortable to quit at nine. Choose to create something special when it would be more comfortable to consume something mediocre. Choose to raise your hand and ask that extra question when it would be more comfortable to stay silent. Choose to stand your ground when it would be more comfortable to fit in. Just keep proving to yourself in lots of little ways, every day, that you have the guts to get up, get in the ring, and fight for the life you are capable of living.

(MARCANDANGEL).

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