One Insanely Popular Reason So Many of Us Are Unhappy

A Lack of Self-Discipline

Many of us lack the self-discipline skill set required to make consistent, meaningful progress.

Think about the most widespread sources of unhappiness we deal with in our lives—from laziness to lack of exercise to unhealthy vices to procrastination, and so on.

In most cases, problems like these are not caused not by a physical ailment, but by an conditioned weakness of the mind—a weakness that persistently urges us to avoid discomfort.

Too often we dream about the reward without the risk, the shine without the grind. But we can’t have a destination without a journey. And a journey always has costs. At the very least, we have to give up a little time and energy to take a step forward every day.

So, instead of dreaming about what you want right now, first ask yourself:

“What am I willing to give up to get it?”

Or, for those inevitably hard days:

“What is worth sacrificing for?”

Seriously, think about it…

If you want the six-pack abs, you have to also want the sore muscles and the healthy meals.

If you want the successful business, you have to also want the long work days and the possibility of failing twenty times to learn what you need to know to succeed in the long run.

If you want something in life, you have to also want the costs of getting it—you have to be willing to put in consistent effort. Otherwise, there’s no point in dreaming. In fact, as long as a meaningful dream is just sitting around in your head it’s doing far more harm than good. Your subconscious mind knows you’re procrastinating on something that’s important to you. The necessary work you keep postponing causes unhappiness, anxiety, fear, and usually more procrastination—a vicious cycle that continues to worsen until you interrupt it with ACTION.

Yeah, taking action seems simple enough but, really, it’s not. Because, again, what we truly need to do is often what we most feel like avoiding. This is a harsh reality…

How often are we stuck in a cycle of worry, fear, and other forms of over-thinking?
How often are we aimlessly distracted?
How often do we procrastinate?

(MARCANDANGEL).

The Art of Governance is not Rocket Science

They say time reveals everything, and nothing can be truer. As the last days of President Buhari pitters out, majority of Nigerians are reeling from almost four years of botched promises. For some, it was a complete fraud while for the unrepentant opposition, it was a confirmation of what they hoped. There are certain presidential dispensations that require a thorough retrospective work to determine their success or failure; the sense you get for the Buhari dispensation is that it has already judged itself and there might be no need to keep the jury out.

It is important to unequivocally state that anyone that dare say that our lot as a nation would have been better if the administration of president Goodluck Jonathan got a second chance, is either deluded or ignorant of the issues. The startling revelations uncovered by the Buhari administration simply showed that the nation was being raped, and it was only a matter of time before we self-implode. Yet, it wasn’t enough that the Buhari administration spent the first half of their tenure hurling blames.

What we have witnessed over the past few years have been anything but change. Power is still epileptic, cost of doing business remain dire, unemployment is still at an all-time high, systemic corruption is still on rampage, Boko Haram scourge has refused to go away, and then the new monster that has unraveled under this administration – herdsmen/farmers killings. There are plausible reasons to explain all of these misdemeanors but no ‘excuse’ will be good enough. Government was elected to find solutions not find excuses. The lethargy and indecisiveness of the president have been explained by his handlers to mean being calculative and cerebral. They will often say: This president takes his time. Total gibberish! The job of the president is one of judgement calls and decisions, and that is why he is bloody paid his salary. In numerous instances, president Buhari judgment calls have been found wanting. Not only is he slow in reaching decisions, the outcomes when he eventually does make up his mind are truly poor. His latest gaffe was visiting the Dapchi school, where hundreds of school girls were kidnapped after many weeks, and his handlers deemed it fit to roll out the red carpet. At a crime scene!

Even the eight National Assembly has to cover its face in shame. The so called ‘parliamentarians’ have spent a good part of their time seeking a change to the electoral calendar for their self-interest and pursuing mundane bills. The Judiciary cannot also be spared. Agree or not, the Judiciary has been a blocker rather than a enabler in the corruption fight. In all, it is a government that have failed at the first time of asking.

If the first four years of this administration is anything to go by, then it is obvious that it does not deserve a second term. The administration has depleted it credibility bank and should be quick to leave. Yet, the million dollar question is: where are the alternatives? If the current names being brandished across the major opposition parties are all we can afford, then let’s brace up for another tortuous four years. Surely, the art of governance is not so complicated. It is not rocket science!

10 Ways to Handle Stressful Life Transitions

1. MINDSET. MINDSET. MINDSET! Even in the middle of uncertainty you’ve got to continuously tell yourself that somehow, some way, “I will figure this out and make this work.” You’ve got to believe in yourself and your abilities and keep the positivity flowing through your mind.

2. Gratitude. During this transition, it’s so important to practice gratitude. Remember that no matter what you’re going through there is always something to be grateful for, somebody is always in a far worse situation, with a much better outlook on life. So why can’t you do the same?

3. Be vulnerable (in a good way). Being vulnerable does not mean you let people kick you when you’re down or take advantage of you. It means that you understand that feelings of fear, anxiety or sadness may come with the stress of transition and that it’s okay to talk about these things. Keeping them bottled up will only hinder you.

4. Get out there and be proactive! Try to be in control as much as you can of your transition, if you are leaving a familiar career then be proactive about finding a new position or learning about a new vocation.

5. Celebrate the small victories. You deserve the encouragement and dopamine rush. Give yourself a pat on the back for the small accomplishments along the way.

6. Let go of playing the “what if” game. It will drive you crazy with all the uncertainty floating around you. Focus on the here and now. How are you going to make it through this day? Don’t worry about 5 years from now. Just focus on doing the next right thing.

7. Know when to say “no” and when to say “yes.” This is so important. You’ve got to learn when to say “no” and when to say “yes” in healthy balance for you. If you’re always saying “yes” and running yourself into the ground then you need to know when to say “no” to preserve time for yourself. If you’re always saying “no” and possibly falling deeper into depression, you need to know when to say “yes” to encourage yourself to be around caring, loving people to bring you back to life.

8. Create a routine you can depend on. When stress is piling up, the best way to combat it is to control as many things as possible. There are two routines to set up, the first is a stress-response routine. When you start feel yourself getting overwhelmed you can turn to your stress-response routine to relieve the stress before it builds up. The second is to establish morning routine that puts you in control of how you start your day and can leave you feeling energized with a positive outlook for the day.

9. Shut out the noise. Noise is any information that is negative, false, unnecessary or that prevents you from perceiving a world in which success is possible. Noise is anything that distorts your positive reality and distracts you from achieving your goals. Cancel out noise that is unusable, untimely, hypothetical or distracting!

10. Ask for help. Don’t be timid to ask for help. No matter how you need support there are people to assist you! Don’t try to do everything yourself during this transition. Ask for help from others around you, the worse that could happen is that they say no and you’re stuck doing it yourself like you were planning to do anyway. Ease the load and dive into community!

- Erica Ferguson

9 Mindful Ways to Remain Calm When Others Are Angry

1. Get comfortable with pausing.

Don’t imagine the worst when you encounter a little drama. When someone is acting irrationally, don’t join them by rushing to make a negative judgment call. Instead, pause. Take a deep breath…

Sometimes good people behave poorly under stress. Don’t you? When you pause, it gives you space to collect your thoughts and it also allows the other person the space to take a deep breath with you. In most cases, that extra time and space is all we need.

2. Respect people’s differences.

Learn to respect the opinions of others. Just because someone does it differently doesn’t make it wrong. There are many roads to what’s right in this world. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion.

So choose your battles wisely. And just agree to disagree sometimes.

It is absolutely possible to connect with, and even appreciate the company of, someone you don’t completely agree with. When you make a commitment to remain neutral on matters that don’t matter that much, or speak respectfully about your disagreements, both parties can remain calm and move forward, pleasantly.

3. Be compassionate.

In the busyness of today’s world people tend to be worried, fearful, hurting and distracted about everything. The word compassion means “to suffer with.” When you can put yourself in the other person’s shoes, you give them the space to regroup, without putting any extra pressure on them.

Remember, we never know what’s really going on in someone’s life. When you interact with others in stressful environments, set an intention to be supportive by leaving the expectations, judgments and demands at the door.

4. Extend generosity and grace.

Everyone gets upset and loses their temper sometimes. Remind yourself that we are all more alike than we are different. When you catch yourself passing judgment, add “just like me sometimes” to the end of a sentence. For example:

That person is grouchy, just like me sometimes.
He is so darn impatient, just like me sometimes.
She is being rude, just like me sometimes.
etc.
Choose to let things GO. Let others off the hook. Take the high road today.

5. Don’t take people’s behavior personally.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, if you take everything personally, you will be offended for the rest of your life. And there’s no reason for it. Even when it seems personal, rarely do people do things because of you, they do things because of them. You know this is true. You may not be able control all the things people say and do to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them. Make that decision for yourself today.

Let it go! Seriously, there is a huge amount of freedom that comes to you when you detach from other people’s beliefs and behaviors. The way people treat you is their problem, how you react is yours.

Everyone behaves the way they behave based on how they feel inside. Some people never learn how to effectively cope with their stressful emotions. When someone is acting obnoxious, it’s vital that you remain calm, no matter what. Don’t allow other people to knock you off your center.

Do what it takes to remain calm and address the situation from the inside out. That’s where your greatest power lies.

6. Talk less and learn to appreciate silence.

Don’t fall into an unnecessary argument just because you feel uncomfortable in silence. Don’t say things you’ll regret five minutes later just to fill your eardrums with noise. Anger and frustration begins internally. You have the capacity to choose your response to momentary discomfort.

Inhale. Exhale. A moment of silence in a moment of anger, can save you from a hundred moments of regret. Truth be told, you are often most powerful and influential in an argument when you are most silent. Others never expect silence. They expect yelling, drama, defensiveness, offensiveness, and lots of back and forth. They expect to leap into the ring and fight. They are ready to defend themselves with sly remarks cocked and loaded. But your mindful silence? That can really disarm them.

7. Create a morning ritual that starts your day off right.

Don’t rush into your day by checking your phone or email. Don’t put yourself it a stressful state of mind that’s incapable of dealing positively with other people’s negativity. Create time and space for a morning ritual that’s focused and peaceful.

Here’s part of my morning ritual: I take ten deep breaths before getting out of bed, I stand up and stretch, and then do ten minutes of meditation.

8. Cope using healthy choices and alternatives.

When we face stressful situations, we often calm or soothe ourselves with unhealthy choices—drinking alcohol, eating sugary snacks, smoking, etc. It’s easy to respond to anger with anger and unhealthy distractions.

Notice how you cope with stress. Replace bad coping habits with healthy coping habits. Take a walk in a green space. Make a cup of tea and sit quietly with your thoughts. Listen to some pleasant music. Write in your journal. Talk it out with a close friend. Healthy coping habits make happy people.

9. Remind yourself of what’s right, and create more of it in the world.

Keeping “the positive” in mind helps you move beyond the negativity around you.

At the end of the day, reflect on your small daily wins and all the little things that are going well. Count three small events on your fingers that happened during the day that you’re undoubtedly grateful for. For example:

My family and I made it home safely from work and school today.
My spouse and I shared a laugh.
Our meals filled our stomachs.
etc.
And pay it forward when you get a chance too. Let your positivity empower you to think kindly of others, speak kindly to others, and do kind things for others. Kindness always makes a difference. Create the outcomes others might be grateful for at the end of their day. Be a bigger part of what’s right in this world.

MARCANDANGEL.