19 Things I Learnt In 2019

1. Live While You Wait

I have a senior friend who waited for 17 years to have a child. When the child finally arrived, she told me with tears shut in her eyes that she felt like she has wasted 17 years of her life, for she made that one problem become the center of her life, and she never fully lived because she was waiting for ‘something.’ Be sure that you are not putting your life on hold because you are waiting for that big break, that high paying job, that dream spouse. Live while you wait.

2. Seize The Little Moments

Some of Life’s biggest moments are in the little moments. We often wait for the big breaks, but every day, there are opportunities in little places and in little things that we can seize on, to shine. Volunteer. Show up. Offer help pro-bono. Constitute a mild nuisance to help. I have learnt that it is in the little moments that we are noticed, and elevated.

3. Your Choices Are Your Choices

I have come to the conclusion that irrespective of how well meaning we are for one another, each one still has to make his choices, and live with the consequences thereof. At every point, we are all making choices. It is important that we are conscious of the choices we are making. It might not always pan out right, but we must ensure it is our call always. Make your own choices.

4. Make Yourself A Priority Too

You will not always be a priority to other people. You will not always be top-of-mind for others. Hence, you must look after yourself. Give yourself ample time. Take care of your physical and mental health. Ensure that your peace of mind is never in jeopardy. I have realized that for us to be ‘there’ for others, we must first be there for ourselves.

5. Vulnerability Is A Powerful Thing

There is an inherent power in being an authentic person, and at the heart of authenticity is where being vulnerable reside. Be comfortable with your own tears. Let your humanity out. Ask for help when you don’t have the answers. No one truly has it all together, we are all learning this thing called life as we go along. Be vulnerable and be comfortable with it.

6. Be There For Others

Learning from the wisdom of the old, they often say that when all is said and done, the times we showed up for family and friends is one of those moments that makes us die easy. Show up for others; family or friends. Your epicenter should not revolve around you only. Be a force for good, confident in the knowledge that life will always owe you one; and it always pays its debts.

7. Perspective Is Everything

It is less of how something is and more of how you see that thing. You can go on a diatribe on how the odds are stacked against you and how life is unfair, but the truth is that your perspective on a situation makes all the difference. You might not have gotten that promotion you so craved, but what else do you have on that job? The breakthrough might not be here yet but look around you and see the other great things happening in your life.

8. Life Rewards Consistency

I have come to the certainty that life truly rewards consistency. You might be slaving away on a trade, plight, talent, whatever. The key is to simply keep at it. Consistency is a powerful success factor. There is an avalanche of living examples that became what they are largely due to their consistency on something. Never forget, it will pay off someday, just remain consistency and do not lose your fire.

9. Excellence Is A Personal Choice

When the epilogue is chronicled, we will come to the realization that this thing called excellence is a personal choice. It is in the little things that excellence is displayed. Be punctual. Say it right. Carry yourself with candour and grace. Seek to make that thing entrusted to your care better than you met it.

10. Keep God At The Centre

Anyone who knows me, already knows that this is a cliché for me. Every year, I come to a greater conviction on this point: It’s God over everything. Keep God at the center of it all. Give him first place in your life, and always remember that he is more interested in your success than you are.

11. Average Is Not Enough

To sum up this point, I will lift and insert the stinging words of Edmund Gaudet: ‘Average is what the failures claim to be when their family and friends ask them why they are not more successful? "Average" is the top of the bottom, the best of the worst, the bottom of the top, the worst of the best. "Average" means being run-of-the-mill, mediocre, insignificant, an also-ran, a nonentity. Being "average" is the lazy person's cop-out; it's lacking the guts to take a stand in life; it's living by default. To be "average" is to be forgotten once you pass from this life. The successful are remembered for their contributions; the failures are remembered because they tried; but the "average," the silent majority, is just forgotten.’

12. Worry Never Gets You Anywhere

Someday, you will realize that you wasted many days worrying about things that were either not going to happen, or that you had no control over. And when you come to that realization, may you have the will to say, ‘Never Again.’ Quit worrying about how everything will turn out. Put in the work and stay believing.

13. The Latent Power That Is Gratitude

To be grateful is to truly live. Gratitude is an affirmation that we haven’t earned whatever it is that we have, but that God and people have been gracious enough to let us have it. You can fault the philosophy all you want but this is one truth that I have stationed in my wheelhouse: There is power in gratitude.

14. We All Suffer Pain

Contrary to what you might assume, we all suffer pain in different shame or form. Even the Good Book did not promise a life devoid of pain or suffering, but it surely guarantees us of the ‘great’ end and that he will be with us all the way. Everyone is fighting something. Everyone is contending a personal demon; a sparring partner.

15. To Move On You Must Move On

There is great wisdom in knowing when something is over and just moving with the tide. Sometimes, moving on is a herculean task and never easy, but we must do what we have to do. Don't drag your feet. Know when it's over and just ‘move on.’

16. Beware Of Noises

There are noises that disguise as wisdom. Be discreet, be circumspect, be wise. Many of what we have today in the world are noises in different shapes and forms. Be mindful of where you seek for answers and be sure that you are not leading your life based on the opinions of others. The noises never truly count.

17. To Lead Is To Serve And Grow

This year, I had quite a number of opportunities to lead in different capacities, at different platforms. These experiences have all changed me. More than ever before, I have come to the conclusion that true leadership is to serve, and while you are at it, you grow beyond your imagination.

18. Keep The Faith

When your spirit sag and quitting seem to be the only logical route out, when your heart aches from the strains of life, when your soul is deflated and you contemplate ending it all, when life knocks you down and you conclude that you have had enough, hang in there. Stay! Whatever you do, keep the faith.

19. Be Comfortable With Starting Over

It doesn’t really matter how far you have gone on the wrong route, it doesn’t make it right. Start over if you must and be comfortable with this reality. Don’t continue to date him when you know it is not right simply because you have been in it for too long. Don’t stay in that job that kills you because you have been there for too long. Start over and be comfortable with doing so.

How Have You Fared in 2019?

It is that time of the year when scorecard is taken, books are finalized, plans are reviewed, and goals are subjected through the scrutiny of implementation. The ritual is a familiar one, yet it never goes extinct. However, the big question is: How did you fare over the past 365 days?

There is an inherent pressure that comes from that question. The subtle inclination that you might not have done enough, that you could have done more. Put in the right balance, this is the correct mindset. There are literatures that seeks to encourage you irrespective of how mediocre, stupid or insipid you might have been. While the intent of such literatures is mostly genuine, the unintended consequence of overtly enmeshing yourself in a mild falsehood; something my friend Olachi Olatunji called the ‘danger of praise’ in her TEDx speech, is that you are not challenged enough to grow. Sometimes, being offered false tenderness and foisted praise feels like the very proof that you've been ruined. We must be honest with ourselves when having a reflection on how the year has gone.

Honesty is not a license to be extremely critical, but it is required. For if we cannot behold our own nakedness, who shall we turn to? To have been average in 2019 is not enough. We must seek better. As Edmund Gaudet once said: ‘Average is what the failures claim to be when their family and friends ask them why they are not more successful? "Average" is the top of the bottom, the best of the worst, the bottom of the top, the worst of the best. Which of these are you? Being "average" is the lazy person's cop-out; it's lacking the guts to take a stand in life; it's living by default. To be "average" is to be forgotten once you pass from this life. The successful are remembered for their contributions; the failures are remembered because they tried; but the "average," the silent majority, is just forgotten.’

Yet, one thing you should always have in your wheelhouse is your power to remain grateful, irrespective of how your year has panned out. Gratefulness is a powerful thing. It helps you put things in perspective, and it is a deft reminder that you have so much to be thankful for. Nature has a way of rewarding the one who is full of gratitude. At this time of the year, count your blessings. If you can’t find any, you are not seeing clear enough. Your year might have had more holes than a Swiss cheese, but there is still a litany of things to be grateful for. More so, you have to believe that when it comes to your life, Elvis has not left the building. At this time of the year, get a list of all those that have made the journey easier, more rewarding and supportive. Send them a gift; gifts of presents, words, visits and cash. These little actions are evidences of your gratitude, and Life has a way of giving us a taste of our own medicine, in even greater measure.

7 Assumptions We Need to Stop Making About Other People

1. We need to stop assuming that the happiest people are simply the ones who smile the most. – Behind the polite smiles and greetings people give you, some are hurting and lonely. Don’t just come and go. See them. Care. Share. Listen. Love. We can’t always see people’s pain, but they can always feel our kindness. So be kinder than necessary.

2. We need to stop assuming that the people we love and respect won’t disappoint us. – When we expect perfection we tend to overlook goodness. And the truth is, no one is perfect. At times, the confident lose confidence, the patient misplace their patience, the generous act selfish, and the informed second-guess what they know. It happens to all of us too. We make mistakes, we lose our tempers, and we get caught off guard. We stumble, we slip, and we fall sometimes. But that’s the worst of it… we have our moments. Most of the time we’re pretty darn good, despite our flaws. So treat the people you love accordingly—give them the space to be human.

3. We need to stop assuming that the people who are doing things differently are doing things wrong. – We all take different roads seeking fulfillment, joy, and success. Just because someone isn’t on your road, doesn’t mean they are lost.

4. We need to stop assuming that the people we disagree with don’t deserve our compassion and kindness. – The exact opposite is true. The way we treat people we strongly disagree with is a report card on what we’ve learned about love, compassion, kindness and humility.

5. We need to stop assuming that we can’t trust people we don’t know. – Some people build too many walls in their lives and not enough bridges. Don’t be one of them. Open yourself up. Take small chances on people. Let them prove your doubts wrong, gradually, over time.

6. We need to stop assuming that the rude people of the world are personally targeting us. – We can’t take things too personally, even if it seems personal. Rarely do people do things because of us. They do things because of them. And there is a huge amount of freedom that comes to us when we detach from other people’s behaviors. So just remember, the way others treat you is their problem, how you react is yours.

7. We need to stop assuming that other people are our reason for being unhappy, unsuccessful, etc. – We may not be able control all the things people say and do to us, but we can decide not to be reduced by them. We can choose to forgive, or we can choose to forget. We can choose to stay, or we can choose to go. We can choose whatever helps us grow. There’s always a positive choice to make. Thus, the only real, lasting conflict you will ever have in your life won’t be with others, but with yourself… and how you choose to respond… and the daily rituals you choose to follow.

(MARCANDANGEL).

You Don't Always Have All The Answers

They say if you live long enough you will discover that life is truly an unending stream of learning, and that none of us, no matter how well put together, is the finished article.

A big part of growing up is the full realization that we all have to be circumspect in our dealings, and always leave room for us to be wrong. We must realize that our way is not the only way, and nobody made us the judge of public opinion. Hence, there is a need to desist from trying to superimpose our opinions on others, there is a need to always seek to hear the full story, and there is the extant need to comprehend that it is not in our place to judge anyone irrespective of what the rest of the world thinks. We live in an age where data is cheap with smartphones viral. This dual combination has translated to everyone as Senior Advocate of Common Sense and Lords of the Public Opinion realms. There is a knack by many to want to sound smart, the uncanny desire by many to proof a point and to come out of a keypad argument unscathed; almost as if their livelihood stems from this. 

To know but choose to be silent when you realize that it is pointless sharing is pure wisdom. To give another several benefits of the doubt understanding that just maybe there is an underlying reason to their actions is the hallmark of maturity. To resist the urge to want to critique when that seems like the most plausible thing to do is leadership. To allow yourself to be wrong and admit same is what it means to have 'grown balls.' To have a conversation with the sole intent to understand as opposed to the need to share is a show of communication strength. To ditch your standpoint for a superior argument and canvass the cause of that superior knowledge is true growth. Life will always teach us that we don't have all the answers, and that is fine.