1. Acceptance is the first step forward.
There are two kinds of pain: pain that hurts and pain that changes you. When you roll with life, instead of resisting it, both kinds help you grow.
To move forward in any situation, you must first accept the reality you’re faced with. This acceptance provides you with an important starting point from which you can move in any direction you choose. To deny this reality, or to fight against the past, will merely waste your time and energy. To wish that things were different, or to pretend that they are, gets you nowhere.
Acceptance is letting go and allowing things to be the way they truly are. It doesn’t mean you don’t care about improving the realities of life—it’s just realizing that the only thing you really have control over is yourself in the present moment.
Forgiveness is a big part of this process too. Forgiveness is the acceptance of the present moment, as it is, without attachment to any other time, place or circumstance. Almost all negativity is caused by a lack of forgiveness and denial of the present. Unease, anxiety, guilt, tension, stress, worry, and resentment—all forms of unhealthy attachment—are caused by too much past or future, and not enough presence.
2. It’s healthy to be a work in progress.
Self-doubt plagues us because we desperately want to be somebody we’re not. I often want to be perfectly disciplined, for example, and when I’m not I come down hard on myself. The key, I’ve found, is to remind myself that although not perfect, the person I am is pretty darn great. I just need to embrace the reality that I’m not always as disciplined as I’d like to be. And I also need to remember that I have had many successes in my life. Just like YOU.
So I challenge you to walk beside me on this journey…
Accept your humanness. You can stop pretending. It feels good to own up to stuff, to admit that you’re human—a work in progress—a beautiful mess. Wanting to be someone or something else is a waste of your beauty. You’re fine. If you feel like you aren’t, you’re blowing things out of proportion. Having a little anxiety is fine. Making mistakes is fine. Being a little fearful is fine. Your secrets are fine. You’re a good person. You’re intelligent. You’re fine just the way you are.
3. You need to feel emotional pain, so you can grow beyond it.
Never apologize for being sensitive or emotional when life knocks you down hard. There’s no reason to be ashamed for feeling something or for expressing pain if it’s real to you. It’s a sign that you have a big heart, and that you aren’t afraid to be honest about it. Showing your emotions is a sign of human strength. The people who judge you for being human, and not being modest, emotionless, and “in line,” are the ones who need to apologize.
By trying to hide your pain, and not wanting to feel bad, you make your bad feelings worse. But by allowing yourself to feel bad, and realizing we all feel bad sometimes, you give yourself space to deal with the truth. So give yourself this space, and embrace it. Too many people want to feel happy all the time, and positive every single second, but that’s not reality. We all feel bad sometimes, and that’s OK. When you accept this, and embrace the growing pains of living, you gradually rise above the pain.
4. Everything in life is temporary, and you must respond accordingly.
Your big breakthrough will come when you recognize that all your inadequacies, all your limitations, and all your failings, losses and setbacks, are only temporary. And once they pass in the real world, they’re prolonged existence is simply an artificial reality you cling to with your thoughts.
Yes, there may be pain and uncertainty for a while, but it never lasts forever—at least not at the same level. Time and space heal wounds. Angel and I experienced this firsthand after losing two loved ones to illnesses and suicide, back to back. Feelings of depression would come and go for months, but eventually, with therapy, these feelings dissipated.
Of course, it’s easy to get caught up in a painful situation and think, “The world is over!” But actually, this painful feeling and situation are just passing clouds. They’re just part of an ever-changing experience, and while it’s not always pleasant, it will pass like everything else has passed. And you need to respond accordingly.
So remind yourself: The goal isn’t to get rid of all your negative feelings or life situations. That’s impossible. The goal is to change your response to them as time changes. Because the truth is, you can’t control exactly what happened in the past, but you can control how you respond to it today. In your response is always your greatest power.
5. There is always, always, always something to be grateful for.
This may sound a bit cliché—promoting gratitude as a universal solution—but the reason it’s always mentioned is because it works. Every time.
Even after a loved one passes, the actual present reality of our lives without this loved one isn’t unbearable unless we compare it to the impossible fantasy of them still being alive. The reality is, we still have our own lives and our health and passions to explore… we still have other wonderful family members and friends who love us… and that’s just the start of things to be grateful for. Now, this reality isn’t always full of happiness—sometimes it has unpleasantness—but you can embrace that too, instead of wishing it matched up with a stressful fantasy.
So just do your best to keep your head up. Take a deep breath and be grateful for everything that remains and everything that’s growing stronger in your life. When it feels like everything is falling apart, remind yourself that you can either let it define you, destroy you, or let it strengthen you through gratitude.
And remember, it’s just an experience.
(MARCANDANGEL).
No comments:
Post a Comment