1. You can have a heartbreaking story from the past, without letting it rule your present.
In the present moment, we all have some kind of pain: anger, sadness, frustration, disappointment, regret, etc.
Notice this pain within yourself, watch it closely, and see that it’s caused by whatever story you have in your head about what happened in the past (either in the recent past or in the distant past). Your mind might insist that the pain you feel is caused by what happened (not by the story in your head about it), but what happened in the past is NOT happening right now. It’s over. It has passed. But the pain is still happening right now because of the story you’ve been subconsciously telling yourself about that past incident.
Note that “story” does not mean “fake story.” It also does not mean “true story.” The word “story” in the context of your self-evaluation doesn’t have to imply true or false, positive or negative, or any other kind of forceful judgment call. It’s simply a process that’s happening inside your head:
You are remembering something that happened.
You subconsciously perceive yourself as a victim of this incident.
Your memory of what happened causes a strong emotion in you.
So just notice what story you have, without judging it, and without judging yourself. It’s natural to have a story; we all have stories. See yours for what it is. And see that it’s causing you pain. Then take a deep breath, and another…
Inner peace begins the moment you take these deep breaths and choose not to allow the past to rule your present thoughts and emotions.
2. A big part of letting go is simply realizing there’s nothing to hold on to in the first place.
All of the things from our past that we desperately try to hold on to, as if they’re real, solid, everlasting fixtures in our lives, aren’t really there. Or if they are there in some form, they’re changing, fluid, impermanent, or simply imagined storylines in our minds.
Life gets a lot easier to deal with the moment we understand this.
Imagine you’re blindfolded and treading water in the center of a large swimming pool, and you’re struggling desperately to grab the edge of the pool that you think is nearby, but really it’s not—it’s far away. Trying to grab that imaginary edge is stressing you out, and tiring you out, as you splash around aimlessly trying to holding on to something that isn’t there.
Now imagine you pause, take a deep breath, and realize that there’s nothing nearby to hold on to. Just water around you. You can continue to struggle with grabbing at something that doesn’t exist… or you can accept that there’s only water around you, and relax, and float.
Today, I challenge you to ask yourself:
What’s something from the past that you are still desperately trying to hold on to?
How is it affecting you in the present?
Then imagine the thing you’re trying to hold on to doesn’t really exist. Envision yourself letting go… and just floating.
How might that change your life from this moment forward?
3. The subtle pain you continue to feel can be healed through compassion for those suffering alongside you.
When we’re still working through a painful experience from the past, it’s easy to feel like we’re going through it alone—like no one else could possibly understand how we feel. In a way, we subconsciously place ourselves at the center of the universe, and see everything that happened exclusively from the viewpoint of how it affects us personally, without regard for anyone else. But as we grow through our pain and gradually broaden our horizons, we begin to see that our self-centered thinking is only fueling our misery. And we realize that shifting our focus onto others for a while can help.
It’s one of life’s great paradoxes: when we serve others, we end up benefiting as much if not more than those we serve. So whenever you feel pain from the past trying to suck you back in, shift your focus from your circumstances to the circumstances of those near and far.
The simplest way of doing this at any given moment?
Practice letting your breath be an anchor for global healing…
Breathe in whatever painful feeling you’re feeling, and breathe out relief from that pain for everyone in the world who is suffering alongside you.
If you’re feeling grief, breathe in all the grief of the world… then breathe out peace.
If you’re feeling anger, breathe in all the anger of the world… then breathe out forgiveness.
If you’re feeling regretful, breathe in all the regret of the world… then breathe out gratitude for the good times.
Do this for a minute or two as often as you need to, imagining all the pain of those near and far coming in with each breath, and then a feeling of compassion and reconciliation radiating out to all of those who are in pain as you breathe out. Instead of running from your past and the pain it caused you, you’re embracing it… you’re letting yourself absorb it. And you’re thinking of others as well, which gets you out of that miserable, self-centered mindset trap.
4. There is always, always, always something to be thankful for in the present.
Even when your past—your story—tries to pull you back in, you can consciously do your best to focus on your present blessings. What do you see in your life right now? Be thankful for it all. For your health, your family, your friends, and your home. Many people don’t have these things.
Also, remind yourself that the richest human isn’t the one who has the most, but the one who needs less. Wealth is a mindset. Want less and appreciate more today.
Easier said than done of course, but with practice it does get easier. And as you practice, you transform your past struggles into present moments of freedom. Ultimately, happiness is letting go of what you assume your life is supposed to be like right now and sincerely appreciating it for everything that it is. At the end of this day, before you close your eyes, smile and be at peace with where you’ve been and grateful for what you have. Life is good.